didnt think it would get to me so much

Old 12-24-2012, 03:23 PM
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didnt think it would get to me so much

It hit me harder today than ever. While everyone I know shares photos and videos and messages on social network of their holliday fun....gleaming smiles of couples and families
Non alcohol get togethers and the making of memories. I find myself jealous.
Sad even. That what I want most for christmas and every day after is the same warming feeling with my ah and us as a family and non alcohol related memories.
Yet even though I see it and I wish I wish I wish. I know that if he cant be the one to give me that.
I must be the one to get it for myself.
I didnt think it would bother me as much.. making the best out of every situation and moving forward happy for the blessings I do have yet today made me feel even more isolated from what everyone else experiences. I am glad though that I have sr and all the people here who do get it! Thank you all for making me not feel alone so much in familes of alcoholics.
I am blessed to have found this site and I am blessed to have learned so much being here about myself and my ah.
Thanks sr family for listening! Hoping to push through the feelings to make a great Christmas!
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Old 12-24-2012, 04:01 PM
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I feel a bit the same. My XAH has refused to see his own kids on Xmas day despite him living quite close to us. I suspect it is because he has nothing to give them on Xmas and he will feel guilty. His mother, the kids grandmother, has sent the kids nothing. Their loss. My kids know who loves them through actions not empty promises.

XAH will spend Xmas with his drunky brother and his drunky enabler. They will post the "happy snaps" online - but I will know that the photos are lies and an illusion and that they are all wasted.

XAH told me the other night that he had given up pot and that he used alcohol and pot because I made him. I felt really sad that he would give up pot after I kicked him out when he refused to give it up for me. BUT - I know for a fact he saw his dealer yesterday therefore it was all just another LIE. He told me he worked until 7.30 pm and that was why he was unable to phone his kids - another LIE - he was off his face on alcohol and pot and his workplace closed at midday. LIES LIES LIES.

I refuse to be hurt by lies and illusions.
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Old 12-24-2012, 04:50 PM
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I am sorry that holidays become such a stressful event, addiction seems to ruin every holiday and event. Such a waste.

Embrace your children, this holiday really is all about children, their glee, their happiness!

Happy Holidays to you and yours!
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Old 12-24-2012, 05:02 PM
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Thanks lulu for sharing your story. Sr and people like you have made me realize how not out of ordinary
My situation or feelings are. I hope your Christmas rocks socks
Thank you dolly doo! Merry christmas eve /early christmas. I have so far put an amazing pre Christmas/christmas together for my kids and theyll have a great one. Ill have one seeing them happy. I just gotta push forward and be happy about what I can control.
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Old 12-24-2012, 05:16 PM
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It hit me harder today than ever. While everyone I know shares photos and videos and messages on social network of their holliday fun....gleaming smiles of couples and families
Non alcohol get togethers and the making of memories. I find myself jealous.

I think this is a common feeling amongst those with an A as a spouse/SO. You start looking around and realizing that other people's households and social events do not involve possible outbursts, inappropriate behavior, insults, etc.

When I would write our family's Christmas Letter to include in Christmas cards I began noticing that in recent years (when H became an A) that I had fewer and fewer positive things to say about what he was doing. I'd fill up the page with mentions of what the kids were doing, or what I was doing, or what vacations we'd taken (sometimes without H), and then include a couple sentences about H still working at XXX company and still occasionally golfing. There wasn't much else positive I could write about.

For years, I didn't even know that H was an A (he drank mostly after we went to sleep). I just though he was lazy about doing home chores/projects and preferred being a couch potato or internet surfing.
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Old 12-24-2012, 05:22 PM
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Hugs to you. I'm in the same boat. I kicked my ABF out last week after a 2.5 year relationship. We got engaged one year ago today. I'm feeling a little lonely but very happy I don't have to live with the lies and being angry almost everyday!! I look 10 years younger 👸! Don't waste your energy on him...he's not worth it. Turn that negative energy into positive energy! Bake some Christmas cookies with your kids for Santa!

This is your time now...your time to be happy with you and your children. Your children will be happier also seeing their mom so strong and content.

Take care and merry Christmas! Xoxo
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Old 12-24-2012, 09:47 PM
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Thislonlygirl,

I wish you a Merry Christmas! I feel the same way. I was going along okay today until I read a post on a social network that broke me down, and then I pulled my dinner out of the over to burn my hand on a 400 degree pan. Wasn’t thinking straight I guess when I grabbed for it. I’m okay thank goodness but it still is a small burn, I must have let go fast enough.
Sometimes it looks like others have the fairytale life; all the pictures of fun, family and friends look so great but remember they are pictures. At one time I bet you have pictures of your family if someone that you didn’t know saw them they’d think the same thing. It’s all about perception, or at least that is my thinking about social media.

Today I’m sad but remembering that I’m not with my A-EXBF because he is an alcoholic, I am a co-dependent and we didn’t mesh well in the long run. If someone was to see a picture of us together they’d think look how happy they are but really we were not happy. I was angry and sad all the time because he drank and the more I got angry he drank more. So it was a cycle that I’m happy to be out of but wish to god he would have stopped drinking to love me. Tonight that is what I wish more than anything but wishes don’t always come true but helping others with hope and understanding do.

I wish you a night of peace and joy. Know that you’re feeling are understood.
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Old 12-25-2012, 02:33 AM
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Originally Posted by lovesunandsnow View Post
Thislonlygirl,

I wish you a Merry Christmas! I feel the same way. I was going along okay today until I read a post on a social network that broke me down, and then I pulled my dinner out of the over to burn my hand on a 400 degree pan. Wasn’t thinking straight I guess when I grabbed for it. I’m okay thank goodness but it still is a small burn, I must have let go fast enough.
Sometimes it looks like others have the fairytale life; all the pictures of fun, family and friends look so great but remember they are pictures. At one time I bet you have pictures of your family if someone that you didn’t know saw them they’d think the same thing. It’s all about perception, or at least that is my thinking about social media.

Today I’m sad but remembering that I’m not with my A-EXBF because he is an alcoholic, I am a co-dependent and we didn’t mesh well in the long run. If someone was to see a picture of us together they’d think look how happy they are but really we were not happy. I was angry and sad all the time because he drank and the more I got angry he drank more. So it was a cycle that I’m happy to be out of but wish to god he would have stopped drinking to love me. Tonight that is what I wish more than anything but wishes don’t always come true but helping others with hope and understanding do.

I wish you a night of peace and joy. Know that you’re feeling are understood.



I have thought the same. If you can look at my pictures and see happiness hidding the pain then maybe others too arent so perfect in theirs.
I like to think they have their problems but hopefully are as genuinely happy as they appear...I wouldnt wish otherwise still....addiction is a big ugh! And knowing that others dont suffer from it and hide that pain atleast none I know of...that just sucks that thats what It is for me.
I would like to say we have our problems not THE problem.
And christmas eve ah quaked non stop....oh boy. Luckily he went to sleep without problem....getting through the holidays are tough but we are managing.
Its after Christmas that im going to really face this head on...he says hell do outpatient when he is off upcoming time....lets hope so because Ill be the one to have to make the hard choices for me and my kids. For now merry Christmas and move forward!
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Old 12-25-2012, 02:46 AM
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It's a sobering feeling, as I get ready to go home here in an hour or so from work, to a tree with nothing under it because AH drank up our Christmas money. I was mad about it and now, I'm feeling very hurt about it. I called dinner off over it a few weeks ago and my brother is making dinner and invited us but he's not going because of work tonight. I don't even have a gift for my 5 year old neice. SMH I sit and wonder, if he knows how much this has truly hurt me?

He's been sober since 12/9. He's doing well but I'm still scared of what the near future holds even though he says he's done. I don't know if he's as done as I am if he drinks again and time will only tell. But, I'm pretty hurt and teary right now. I just feel like sobbing over this whole year and last couple months of pain and suffering he has put on me!
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Old 12-25-2012, 06:39 AM
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I hope that those who are in relationships with alcoholic BFs and GFs read this thread. I hope they stop and look around at other healthy relationships and see that normal folks aren't dealing with this crap. They have peaceful llves. They have mutual supporting relationships. They aren't dealing with the daily lies or half-truths or illogical behavior.

AH has been off work since last Wednesday (Xmas shutdown at work). Everyday he said that we'd go Christmas shopping "the next day" because on "that day" he was "too tired." Well, it's Christmas and he never went Christmas shopping with me. Thankfully, I went without him plus had done some online ordering.

However, this is the first year that I didn't bother to buy/send a gift for his mother since I'm furious at her and my AH's relatives. Since AH has never bothered to buy her anything, let her realize the truth that I (not AH) was the one who always took care of Xmas, Bday, and mother's day gifts for her. AH never even knew what I'd buy.

AH is very good about saying he's going to do this or that, but follow-thru is awful. Yet, he seems to have no memory of the many times he doesn't follow thru. We have some rental properties that I manage. I have renters moving in on Friday. The place needs to be cleaned/dusted/vacuumed before then. Since it is fully furnished - including all linens - there is a lot to do. I've done a lot so far. Each day, AH has said that he's going to help me with it. Ha. He's sat on his fanny surfing the net, playing computer chess, watching TV or napping the whole time. Last night he brought the subject up again and said that he'd going to help with the clean up on Christmas. On Christmas??? The big holiday? WTH??? Oh well, I won't hold my breath. He'll likely wake up at noon, say that he's still "too tired" and I'll finish the clean up tomorrow...by myself....while he's doing nothing.

So, let this all be a warning to those who aren't tied down with an A with a longtime marriage/kids. Get away. Look around at normal couples. That's the way things should be.
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Old 12-25-2012, 09:20 AM
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Originally Posted by BrokenHeartWife View Post
I hope that those who are in relationships with alcoholic BFs and GFs read this thread. I hope they stop and look around at other healthy relationships and see that normal folks aren't dealing with this crap. They have peaceful llves. They have mutual supporting relationships. They aren't dealing with the daily lies or half-truths or illogical behavior.
Thank you for what your wrote. I'm sitting here crying this am thinking about yes I'm glad deep down that ex-abf is gone but the pain/hurt that has been left really has torn me apart this year. It's not normal to deal with there drinking or lies.

I hate being sad over him but it's just another part of my healing to on with. I've been oaky for a month now but Christmas and being alone with my family in another state and I have to work today has hit me wrong.

Keep staying strong to all you out there and get some peace for yoursef today. That is what I"m working on right now, on my way to walk in the snow with the dog before going to work. Need to reajust my attitude to grateful and not thinking about what I'm really not missing - lies, drinking, running away from me, yelling, that about sums it up! Peace....

Last edited by DesertEyes; 12-25-2012 at 10:06 AM. Reason: fixed broken quote
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