Gringo

I am missing my wife something fierce. I cannot even call and say Merry Christmas. I cannot call and make amends either, both because of the no contact order. I don't want to go to jail so I have to sit here alone thinking of everyone decorating the tree and exchanging gifts.

Yeah its getting rougher by the second. I'm gonna hit a meeting later. I wish I didn't make her hate me. I wish I never said the things I said to her. I wish I never picked up that drink that night.

I am filled with self loathing. I miss and love that woman so much.

Thepatman

Don't be so hard on yourself. Be kind to yourself.

I know exactly what you mean. But maybe this all hapenned for a reason. It's hard to see the reasons when we have our face right in it but with time you will paobably realize it's for the better.

I personally am giving myself time, accepting things the way they are and accepting I messed up.

Blessing

TTBABP

I do feel bad for your situation ghostman but you love your wife so think - she may just need time alone now. Take care of yourself now and maybe slowly (very slowly) but surely you can gain back her trust. If you can't - then learn from this experience and make your self better - just for you and just because - you do deserve it.

Merry Christmas

Db1105

Stick with others in recovery, get to a lot of meetings, if you don't have a sponsor, get one ASAP.

Gringo

Now I did it. I just had relations with an ex of mine. Why cant I think straight? Why do I do stupid crap like this?

Gringo

I got me a sponsor the night before last.

Dee74

I'm sorry you're feeling lonely and overwhelmed Ghostman - I think a lot of people here are feeling that way....

Stick around here...hit some meetings - as many as you need....I think
maybe the key for you this Xmas is support support support?

and the right kind of support, man - hanging out with your ex sounds kinda like a kick in the butt waiting to happen...I think you've had enough kicks recently....

D

Bubovski

Yep, the past is dead but we tend to keep reliving it with regrets and further dumb actions setting up that proverbial vicious circle.
Be kind to yourself, think things out, and you will find it is easier to be kind to others.

nogard

Hey Ghostman, sorry your feeling so down, I am having a similiar morning, but without the self loathing and hate that passes with time.

Dee is absolutley right, up and into action, talk calls meetings make it not about me, it was about me for so long, so feel the feelings be alive and be in it.

Thanks Dee. I am sending you such a lot of Love.

Wifi

I'm pulling for you ghostman... Stay sober no matter what... Surround yourself with sober people.. This is a tough time of year to be alone. If you really love your wife and want any chance of reconciling, you may want to stay away from the ex....

Fernaceman

Sorry you are having a rough go, ghostman. I will keep you in my prayers and am rooting for you to pull through stronger an wiser.

Gringo

I literally have no other place to go. If it was not for her I would be sleeping in my car now.

DarrenW

Sometimes the best amends are to stay away. Painful, but true.

Dee74

I'd really work on finding a place GM.
Have you considered sober living houses?

D

Gringo

They have nothing like that here in Florida that I could afford anyway.

Dee74

All I can do is throw options at you GM
Here's another one:

2-1-1 Call Center Search

and there's always the Salvation Army - they may be able to help with short term shelter, employment or a more long term housing solution - their work for board rehab programme is 6 months I think.

The Salvation Army: Housing and Homeless Services

The Salvation Army Adult Rehabilitation Center: Rehabilitation Program

best wishes to you whatever way you go

D

Gringo

Thanks Dee. I hit a meeting tonight and am feeling somewhat better. I am going to have a talk with her tomorrow about boundaries. She is having some issues herself and I don't want to make them worse. At the same time if we pool our resources I think it can be beneficial for both of us. If that does not work out I will have to look into alternatives. Right now I have so much going going on my head is spinning. At least I didn't drink today.

Thingel

Maybe i'm to new to reply but i do think 1 thing. As a drunk it's easier to give advice than to accept it.

I have been through the same situation as you, and i kept telling myself, the best thing i can do is just take good care of myself and see that i can change for the better. but i'm not. so i could tell you the same, assuming you will.

Change as in "to win her back"

MsJax

Hi ghostman . Sometimes it is better if you can just focus on yourself. Easier said than done, eh? Now you're lonely for the wife yet you get together with an ex? You sound just like me. Back when I was a Drunk and then later newly sober I was still focusing on external things and I am horrible about getting lonely and wanting physical contact .

I know it is so hard to let it go but maybe just work on getting sober, getting support, and a place to be?

I might be completely wrong here, but I see a bit of me in your posts and wonder if you're not having some issues with codependency too? That is an ongoing struggle/journey for me as well.

Best wishes to you.