What to do when you don't feel like bothering
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What to do when you don't feel like bothering
I have spent most of my life hiding in fear, avoiding responsibility under the allusion of youth. I am ten years older than my colleagues. Their lives are moving on and my life is stagnant. The worst thing... I just don't care.
I guess I'd like to have a different life... where I have a job reflective of my abilities and I stop living like a broke 20-year-old... everything's a mess, nothing is organized. But in the morning, I think: "Why bother. What does any of it matter. I put effort in. I don't put effort in. Neither of them matter."
I guess I'd like to have a different life... where I have a job reflective of my abilities and I stop living like a broke 20-year-old... everything's a mess, nothing is organized. But in the morning, I think: "Why bother. What does any of it matter. I put effort in. I don't put effort in. Neither of them matter."
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Join Date: Jan 2011
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We all need a life of meaning and purpose and you were created for something bigger than what you are experiencing now.
We all need a spark, a dream, a hope for a future that gives us that desire to jump up in the morning and enjoy the world that truly is filled with wonder.
I know people that have felt that their lives were over and even struggled with great depression and suicidal thoughts that are extremely happy right now! I know others who gave up and didn't try to seek out a new and better life.
You are in the captains seat and you can look out over the horizon and decide where you want to go and then map out your plan to get from where you are to the life you want!
I know that sounds easy and it is! The hard part is doing whatever it takes everyday to get there! But you can do it... you can do it. One day, one step, one act, one thought put into motion at a time.
How do you eat an elephant?
So... take the first tiny bite!
Merry Christmas my friend and may your New Year be the best ever!
We all need a spark, a dream, a hope for a future that gives us that desire to jump up in the morning and enjoy the world that truly is filled with wonder.
I know people that have felt that their lives were over and even struggled with great depression and suicidal thoughts that are extremely happy right now! I know others who gave up and didn't try to seek out a new and better life.
You are in the captains seat and you can look out over the horizon and decide where you want to go and then map out your plan to get from where you are to the life you want!
I know that sounds easy and it is! The hard part is doing whatever it takes everyday to get there! But you can do it... you can do it. One day, one step, one act, one thought put into motion at a time.
How do you eat an elephant?
So... take the first tiny bite!
Merry Christmas my friend and may your New Year be the best ever!
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: New York
Posts: 106
I don't want to make excuses anymore. I don't want to say: "It's because of my ex." Or, "It's because of the way I grew up."
That isn't good enough anymore. I've got my own history to live up to.
I need to find a way to change without changing everything. I can't stalling myself in the face of perfection.
That isn't good enough anymore. I've got my own history to live up to.
I need to find a way to change without changing everything. I can't stalling myself in the face of perfection.
Today is a New Day
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 1,766
Originally Posted by Hopeworks 
I know people that have felt that their lives were over and even struggled with great depression and suicidal thoughts that are extremely happy right now! I know others who gave up and didn't try to seek out a new and better life.
He was verbally, emotionally, and financially abusive, and it took a major toll on me. I felt the only way out for me was to end things.
But it wasn't, and now it's been two years since I left him (literally - yesterday two years ago is when I was up all night at work before going to the work therapist and changing the deadbolt on my way home). I now have money in my savings account, a relationship with a wonderful man, a beautiful Christmas to look forward to, a health(ier) relationship with my family (still dysfunctional but I know I can keep my contact limited to the part before the dysfunction starts and then leave), two cats, and meditation music playing on my phone right now. My life is happy. It wasn't easy to get here, I climbed out of a dark place and it takes awhile to get used to the light and know that it's good. I am not perfect, but I am here and I am happy, and today that is enough. :-)
There are still things that get me worked up. I had a major breakdown a few days ago remembering how a former friend did the repeat dial thing on me several days in a row, and I literally broke down in the middle of my apartment just *remembering* but I needed that reminder. I needed to remind myself that no sane person needs to call 3 times in rapid succession to the same phone to leave 3-minute messages each time (and full of excuses about why they did that KNOWING it upset me).
Some days are better than others, but even the bad ones are good now. If that makes sense.
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 1,243
Originally Posted by Looking4ward
I don't want to make excuses anymore. I don't want to say: "It's because of my ex." Or, "It's because of the way I grew up."
That isn't good enough anymore. I've got my own history to live up to.
I need to find a way to change without changing everything. I can't stalling myself in the face of perfection.
That isn't good enough anymore. I've got my own history to live up to.
I need to find a way to change without changing everything. I can't stalling myself in the face of perfection.
You are looking forward! You are looking inward! This is your first tiny bite of the elephant.
To find joy, peace, happiness and a fulfilling life is started as a spiritual journey. That is what life is really all about.
Spiritual growth is what brings happiness (at least in my own experience) and I like this defination of spiritual growth:
An ever-deepening capacity to embrace life with justice, compassion, curiosity, awe, wonder, serenity and humility.
That is a definition that everyone can embrace (No God mentioned) and work towards.
In my case, my childhood was a horrific scarring experience that could have crippled me and for years it did. I found my way out in the spiritual practice of the 12 steps and in my personal case it does involve God. But... it the spiritual universal laws of the 12 steps do not require a belief in a deity.
We are not supposed to give advice and I am sharing my E,S and H but if you are seeking a new path it and you haven't fully explored this one maybe you could dip a toe in that or chomp a few bites of elephant tail in that direction!
Do something fun today for yourself. Think hard and try to remember something you used to love to do... and then go treat yourself! I got a massage yesterday... love it!
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,452
Yum Yum Yum That tail is crunchy!
Way to go, Looking4ward, the next right step. Not all the steps forever, planned out and executed perfectly.
Just the NEXT right step. We can all do that much. (And if later we don't like the step we took, we can just take a different one... There's no risk here, no expectations, just one little positive thought and step after another...)
Want the first nibble of the trunk?
ShootingStar1
Way to go, Looking4ward, the next right step. Not all the steps forever, planned out and executed perfectly.
Just the NEXT right step. We can all do that much. (And if later we don't like the step we took, we can just take a different one... There's no risk here, no expectations, just one little positive thought and step after another...)
Want the first nibble of the trunk?
ShootingStar1
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Join Date: May 2011
Location: Memphis, TN
Posts: 2,884
Looking, good advice so far. I was reading a book this morning from back in my hippie days, yes I'm that old and it had a good quote.
The book is DAS ENERGI by Paul Williams.
I do believe I will have some Ear Au Gratin.
Your friend,
If you do not feel free, it is because you have not yet declared your freedom. You are waiting for it to be given to you.
You will wait forever.
You will wait forever.
I do believe I will have some Ear Au Gratin.
Your friend,
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 284
Make it a chocolate elephant, and I'm totally there with you!
My life was completely turned upside down and shaken vigorously last year. I fell out of it with not much to show for myself except whatever I could carry away with me. I had very little debt, but also very little in savings, no job, and no home. I ended up living with my Mom while I got a part-time job with some old colleagues out-of-state. Most of the money i made went straight to a therapist. Now, I have a full-time job, and a home of my own that I rent, but much more debt and still very little in savings. I'm spending money on my attorney rather than a therapist even though it really ought to be the other way around. But, I know that I've just been nibbling the ears of that elephant. There is more to come, and I have a lot more work to do to get myself truly comfortable with my situation, but also in my head. I can tell that I have some pretty significant trust issues that would get in the way of any relationship I might want in the future. I know that I need to talk it out with a therapist. I also know that I won't be spending my money on an attorney forever... It just feels like it. But in the meantime, those elephant ears aren't bad. I'll just keep nibbling away at them...
Take care,
Fathom
My life was completely turned upside down and shaken vigorously last year. I fell out of it with not much to show for myself except whatever I could carry away with me. I had very little debt, but also very little in savings, no job, and no home. I ended up living with my Mom while I got a part-time job with some old colleagues out-of-state. Most of the money i made went straight to a therapist. Now, I have a full-time job, and a home of my own that I rent, but much more debt and still very little in savings. I'm spending money on my attorney rather than a therapist even though it really ought to be the other way around. But, I know that I've just been nibbling the ears of that elephant. There is more to come, and I have a lot more work to do to get myself truly comfortable with my situation, but also in my head. I can tell that I have some pretty significant trust issues that would get in the way of any relationship I might want in the future. I know that I need to talk it out with a therapist. I also know that I won't be spending my money on an attorney forever... It just feels like it. But in the meantime, those elephant ears aren't bad. I'll just keep nibbling away at them...
Take care,
Fathom
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,452
It ain't easy, is it?
But SOOOOO worth it
I could be home with a raging alcoholic, raging against me, wondering whether I really could go to my children's house for Christmas with him, subject their little kids to it. Then come home with him and another drunken ranting evening where I have caused all the harm in the world, and evidently, meant to do so, and most of it impacted him and ruined his day, his month, his life.... wicked evil creature that I am, emotionally disformed from birth and saving it all until I met HIM....
SOOOOO worth it to be on my own.
Thanks to everybody here on SR, I'm HOME ALONE and having more fun than that movie this Christmas....
Give me a hoof. I need it. Does it have any horns? That would be better, I've lived with them so long, I'd really like to chomp on one.
And joking aside, the terrible thing is it's all true. It does matter what we do, it matters profoundly. I am no longer in that dungeon. You can be wherever you want to be, too.
Really couldn't be happier on my own, though I feel bad for him with nobody left. That makes me sad, even though I know its not my problem, it's still in my heart.
So onward and upward for all of us, looking forward to getting to know you better, Looking4ward.
ShootingStar1
But SOOOOO worth it
I could be home with a raging alcoholic, raging against me, wondering whether I really could go to my children's house for Christmas with him, subject their little kids to it. Then come home with him and another drunken ranting evening where I have caused all the harm in the world, and evidently, meant to do so, and most of it impacted him and ruined his day, his month, his life.... wicked evil creature that I am, emotionally disformed from birth and saving it all until I met HIM....
SOOOOO worth it to be on my own.
Thanks to everybody here on SR, I'm HOME ALONE and having more fun than that movie this Christmas....
Give me a hoof. I need it. Does it have any horns? That would be better, I've lived with them so long, I'd really like to chomp on one.
And joking aside, the terrible thing is it's all true. It does matter what we do, it matters profoundly. I am no longer in that dungeon. You can be wherever you want to be, too.
Really couldn't be happier on my own, though I feel bad for him with nobody left. That makes me sad, even though I know its not my problem, it's still in my heart.
So onward and upward for all of us, looking forward to getting to know you better, Looking4ward.
ShootingStar1
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: New York
Posts: 106
I started dating a new man and he is completely devoted and supported of me, but me? I keep feeling I haven't done anything to deserve it. There are still things left undone in my life - my diovorce for one... and I can't seem to get the motivation together to FIX these things... WHY?
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