Taking kids to AA meetings??
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Join Date: Nov 2012
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Taking kids to AA meetings??
Okay, so my RAH just left with my 13 year old to go Xmas shopping. He called not soon after to say that there is a meeting he wants to go to first. Asked him if he was bringing my daughter back first and he said he was taking her with him. My first thought was that this is nowhere to take a child that age....maybe older but certainly not 13. After my initial freaking out and giving my opinion on how inappropriate I felt it was, I started thinking about it. Is it really that awful that she sees what can happen with addiction and where dad spends most of his days? Still not sure. Does anyone have experience with this? She is very outspoken so I'm sure she will tell me her thoughts when they get back. Have you guys seen kids at meetings before. Not alateen meetings but regular AA meetings??
Peacegirl
Peacegirl
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Rififi
With Xmas almost upon us I was thinking of a good acronym to utilize, in order to prevent a Yuletide drink, and came up with Rififi, a good old movie I saw once.
RI( remember it, past old bad drunken experiences) FI (feel it, present desire),
FI (forget it ...the desire to drink) and move further in to sobriety.
RI( remember it, past old bad drunken experiences) FI (feel it, present desire),
FI (forget it ...the desire to drink) and move further in to sobriety.
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Originally Posted by Peacegirl 
Okay, so my RAH just left with my 13 year old to go Xmas shopping. He called not soon after to say that there is a meeting he wants to go to first. Asked him if he was bringing my daughter back first and he said he was taking her with him. My first thought was that this is nowhere to take a child that age....maybe older but certainly not 13. After my initial freaking out and giving my opinion on how inappropriate I felt it was, I started thinking about it. Is it really that awful that she sees what can happen with addiction and where dad spends most of his days? Still not sure. Does anyone have experience with this? She is very outspoken so I'm sure she will tell me her thoughts when they get back. Have you guys seen kids at meetings before. Not alateen meetings but regular AA meetings??
Peacegirl
Peacegirl
Took your space; I really wanted to start a new post. Getting old and stupid with these complex forums, hey?
Can't say I ever saw too many kids at A.A. meetings????
Could be good for them in some ways, bad in others.
Getting there!!
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I have seen mothers or fathers bring in young children to NA and AA meetings. I think it is very inappropriate in most cases. But if they NEED a meeting and do not have any one to watch the kids, I say better they bring them then relapse.
13yrs old seems OK. I think she needs to be educated about addiction as stats say - a child on an addict (alcohol is a drug) parent has a 50% chance of becoming one or marrying one. So, IMO, couple of meetings could be beneficial. I just don't think kids should be in the rooms and missing out on their own social lives, as is the case for many.
Also, I had a big issue with a mother sharing how she "got money" for alcohol and drugs while her 8yr old son listened on. Lastly, I know many kids really resented going if their parent did not stay clean and sober.
I guess it's more important what she has to say and feel about it.
13yrs old seems OK. I think she needs to be educated about addiction as stats say - a child on an addict (alcohol is a drug) parent has a 50% chance of becoming one or marrying one. So, IMO, couple of meetings could be beneficial. I just don't think kids should be in the rooms and missing out on their own social lives, as is the case for many.
Also, I had a big issue with a mother sharing how she "got money" for alcohol and drugs while her 8yr old son listened on. Lastly, I know many kids really resented going if their parent did not stay clean and sober.
I guess it's more important what she has to say and feel about it.
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Join Date: Apr 2012
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take her to the bar or take her to a meeting.. which one would you want>
would ya rather she see people living in the solution or people living in the problem?
is it really that aweful that she sees part of a fellowship of people who are staying sober and helping others to recover from alcoholism?
would ya rather she see people living in the solution or people living in the problem?
is it really that aweful that she sees part of a fellowship of people who are staying sober and helping others to recover from alcoholism?
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My baby is just under two months old and has about 30 meetings but it's hopeless- every two hours he just goes back to the bottle....
Depends on the meeting and the local group rules. The ladies in RAWs group would behead anyone who griped about the baby. He is very quiet and has 17 aunts there so it's cool. At the christmas party the other night people brought their kids and it's a family event.
Some things aren't ok - a school age kid in a closed meeting - teachers in AA need that second A.
13? At 13 they are being offered ir soon will be offered drugs and booze. Where better than an AA meeting to learn a life lesson! Our kids see alcohol everywhere - its what the glamorous people do. Tough guys drink scotch, elegant ladies martinis, sophisticated palates like fine wine and oh yeah, alcohol kills more Americans than drugs or guns every year and all the other crap we know.
States love the tax revenue, advertisers love the money, prohibition failed - your 13 year old is higher risk for alcoholism because of having one parent with it.
Seems like the best place to be as long as dad isn't sharing about turning tricks....
Depends on the meeting and the local group rules. The ladies in RAWs group would behead anyone who griped about the baby. He is very quiet and has 17 aunts there so it's cool. At the christmas party the other night people brought their kids and it's a family event.
Some things aren't ok - a school age kid in a closed meeting - teachers in AA need that second A.
13? At 13 they are being offered ir soon will be offered drugs and booze. Where better than an AA meeting to learn a life lesson! Our kids see alcohol everywhere - its what the glamorous people do. Tough guys drink scotch, elegant ladies martinis, sophisticated palates like fine wine and oh yeah, alcohol kills more Americans than drugs or guns every year and all the other crap we know.
States love the tax revenue, advertisers love the money, prohibition failed - your 13 year old is higher risk for alcoholism because of having one parent with it.
Seems like the best place to be as long as dad isn't sharing about turning tricks....
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Join Date: Sep 2012
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You know I thought about your post. You made an excellent point. 13 is not too young..shell be in highschool before you know it. So is it really a bad idea for her to know more about drugs and alcohol?
Eventually every parent has the talk. .and this may be a positive experience for her.
Ive seen 13 yr olds pregnant drinking doing drugs.. shes already been exposed to it in school and with friends but as it being a not a big deal or just fun. ..maybe this is the other side of the fence kids should see.
Atleast it was aa and not a bar....this is her seeing addicts getting help not succumbing too either.
Hope that helps
Eventually every parent has the talk. .and this may be a positive experience for her.
Ive seen 13 yr olds pregnant drinking doing drugs.. shes already been exposed to it in school and with friends but as it being a not a big deal or just fun. ..maybe this is the other side of the fence kids should see.
Atleast it was aa and not a bar....this is her seeing addicts getting help not succumbing too either.
Hope that helps
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I have conflicting feelings about this. There are quite a few meetings in my area open to kids. They simply say "in keeping with the first tradition, if your child is being disruptive, please remove him or her." Obviously this doesn't apply to your daughter. I see no harm for her. You can't shield her from everything.
I think more of the anonymity issue. I do work in a school (elementary) so I would worry about her exposing me to her classmates. I guess it comes down to her level of maturity. Do you think she would be able to keep the information heard to herself?
If so, then I think it's ok. I brought my 17 yr old and it was fine. She still comes occasionally. I think she was just happy I was there.
I think more of the anonymity issue. I do work in a school (elementary) so I would worry about her exposing me to her classmates. I guess it comes down to her level of maturity. Do you think she would be able to keep the information heard to herself?
If so, then I think it's ok. I brought my 17 yr old and it was fine. She still comes occasionally. I think she was just happy I was there.
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Yep, happens a bunch. Open meetings are a bit more mellow than closed. It gives the kid a sense of continuity. Being the kid of an alcoholic can be scarey and seeing where the parent goes and what they do "fills in the blank". Daddy isn't going someplace bad, he just drinks coffee and talks.
Funny thing is very often the kid will seem to not really be paying attention, but then the alcoholic parent will have the kid call them on something they heard in a meeting.
Originally Posted by Peacegirl
She is very outspoken so I'm sure she will tell me her thoughts when they get back.
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My father used to take me to bars AND AA meetings.
There was a period of time he was going to AA meetings just to prove to my mom that he was trying to change. I think he brought me along as a witness. I was 12 or 13 at the time.
I hated going there. I knew all too well what it was like to live with an alcoholic. To have to sit in a meeting and listen to what another alcoholic did to their family was too much for me.
I still remember (35+ years later) one dad confessing that he stole the money his daughter was saving for her prom dress in order to buy booze. I think I started to cry. If anything, it made me even more scared about how worse things could get.
Granted, my father was pretty much actively drinking at the time and wasn't in a recovery program. Maybe it would have been a more positive experience if he was sober.
However, I think I would have gotten more out of an Al-Anon meeting.
Thank you for letting me share.
db
There was a period of time he was going to AA meetings just to prove to my mom that he was trying to change. I think he brought me along as a witness. I was 12 or 13 at the time.
I hated going there. I knew all too well what it was like to live with an alcoholic. To have to sit in a meeting and listen to what another alcoholic did to their family was too much for me.
I still remember (35+ years later) one dad confessing that he stole the money his daughter was saving for her prom dress in order to buy booze. I think I started to cry. If anything, it made me even more scared about how worse things could get.
Granted, my father was pretty much actively drinking at the time and wasn't in a recovery program. Maybe it would have been a more positive experience if he was sober.
However, I think I would have gotten more out of an Al-Anon meeting.
Thank you for letting me share.
db
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DBH, I know many people who feel the same as you. And it didn't stop them from drinking or even marrying an alcoholic. In many ways, I have been told it only "reinforced" what "normal" was supposed to be.
My 16 yr old son has gone to a few meetings with his Dad. He was curious and could use them already.
To each their own, I guess!
My 16 yr old son has gone to a few meetings with his Dad. He was curious and could use them already.
To each their own, I guess!
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If he was taking her because you were insistent that he go to a meeting, that's one thing... But he decided he needed a meeting ( I humbly suggest that we never want to question that) and bringing DD voluntarily suggests that he is not ashamed of his disease.
The more I think about it, the more positives I see and 13 year olds are so much smarter than we realize. This may be him wanting to make amends to her as well.
Just a thought... What if you told him you were proud of him for being honest with her and for going to an unplanned meeting just because he felt he needed one? That's just me - not saying its right but I try to praise the good as enthusiastically as I reject the bad....
The more I think about it, the more positives I see and 13 year olds are so much smarter than we realize. This may be him wanting to make amends to her as well.
Just a thought... What if you told him you were proud of him for being honest with her and for going to an unplanned meeting just because he felt he needed one? That's just me - not saying its right but I try to praise the good as enthusiastically as I reject the bad....
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It's one thing to bring very young children (babies, toddlers) who really don't know what's being talked about.
For older kids, unless it's an "open meeting" I think the rules may be that only A's are supposed to attend. Anyone can go to an "open meeting."
All the A's at Closed Meetings are supposed to feel free about saying anything. I'm not sure that they would feel free to do so with a 13YO there.
For older kids, unless it's an "open meeting" I think the rules may be that only A's are supposed to attend. Anyone can go to an "open meeting."
All the A's at Closed Meetings are supposed to feel free about saying anything. I'm not sure that they would feel free to do so with a 13YO there.
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