whatsgoingon

Hi guys, I'm feeling a bit down this week. I'm almost 4 months sober which I'm really proud of myself for. I have broken the cycle and I'm not going to drink again. Thing is I have a problem, drinking was a big part of my life and if I'm being really honest it was one of my biggest pleasures. Ok it was also the cause of most of my misery.

Now before everyone starts convincing I've done the right thing and don't listen to your alcoholic voice etc etc . I know all that and I have no intention of drinking. Problem is I'm bored, miserable and feel like something I enjoyed is gone forever.

I need some positive suggestions to fill the void. My life is so hectic. I'm married have two kids and run my own business. Life can be very stressful, money is always an issue and I have a history of depression. I've done the obvious things like go to the gym, upgraded my sky package and I've even bought a real espresso machine. Nothing however seems to work. 4 months without a drink and despite fact I'm glad I'm sober I am actually quite down in myself.

Alcohol used to be the perfect antidote to stress a d boredom. It gave me a chance to escape life's treadmill of monotony. None I have nothing to suppress the negavity.

Any thoughts? What can I do?

Delilah1

I have added exercise, activities with my kiddos, and reading lots. I have always loved to read, it is nice falling asleep while reading a good book, rather than passing out and forgetting which page I was on!

I am also thinking about taking an adult education class for pottery or painting. I just need to figure out a way to fit that into balancing work and kids activities.

Natom

Hey Sneeker,

I don't know if you go to AA or any other type of recovery program but if you don't do you ever do any daily maintenance on yourself or keep a journal? I found when I kept a journal I started noticing the days when I needed stuff to do and made sure I went out and found new stuff. I tried new hobbies, new places, new people. New playgrounds, playmates and playthings.

Natom.

andisa

What troubles you is very similar to that which afflicts many of us. The missing of our primary means of entertainment and escape, often our social life as well. And simply finding other things to do doesn't replace it. My situation is much like yours, running my own business, a small family, and I have the luxury of many many outside interests to keep me busy. Too busy sometimes. And yet, I still feel that sense of loss for my drugs of choice. Doesn't seem right, does it.

What I'm finding is missing is genuinely moving on from what I found in drugs. Thinking about what I used to enjoy in using keeps me very stuck in the past and longing for what I had but no longer have. I don't suppose that's the "right" way to reflect on drug use, but it's the truth. I miss it. I suppose I always will. I'm starting to come to terms with that, but it has taken a long time. I think I had to allow myself to realize, honestly, that that is the way I regard my past drug use, despite the fact I am "supposed" to not want anything to do with it anymore.

Being now 44 I'm realizing the importance of acceptance. Acceptance of what is. To grow older gracefully means accepting what is and gracefully giving up things of the past as they no longer have a place in our lives. Accepting what comes next and receiving the changes willingly, and eagerly all the better.

I can't offer you physical suggestions about what to do with your time. Likely you have more than enough diversions and interests to keep you fully engaged, if you choose, as you sound involved in your life. What I can offer is to suggest choosing a different perspective, a new outlook, about what is important to you, and what you really want out of life. You know you don't really want to spend it inebriated. There's much to be said for being fully present in ones own life. I do wish you the best!

whatsgoingon

Wow.

Quite a response and so measured and thoughtful. Thank you very much for taking the time to write those meaningful words to a complete stranger.

I get what you are saying. The wanting may never go away but I need to look at the bigger picture.

Thanks again.

Pondlady

I agree that is a thoughtful post and I agree,, we need to search for new perspectives. I'm giving much thought to the underlying reasons I drank in the first place. I'm trying to find new ways to relax and spend my time. I quit drinking last June and am finding this deeper thinking perspective hit around the five month mark for me. I too wish you god luck.

Christopher99

I love synchronicity!

I am keeping a journal of my progress. Here is a part of my entries from yesterday.....

'The urges have diminished a bit. I realize that drinking is partly a way to counter boredom for me...it’s a lazy way to beat boredom...'

And so I realized laziness is kind of an accomplice to alcohol addiction.

It's hard for me, especially in these early days of sobriety, but when I get those urges I think to myself....Stop being lazy, your just bored, go do something QUICK!....

Auvers

You have had some very good advice and support in this thread. I agree with Pondlady that it was around 5 month when I had recovered enough from the alcohol dependence effects to make progress with the bigger, more philosophical examination of what my life really was without alcohol. Best wishes to you and to all of us Works In Progress.

hypochondriac

If I am honest, what I do to unwind and escape the monotony of life have not really changed that much since I have got sober, but then I am not one to complain of boredom because I have always got a ton of stuff I want to do. What has changed though is that I am often restless (could be confused with boredom) and uncomfortable in my own skin. How are your issues surrounding depression Sneeker? That's what's not good for me. I didn't really use alcohol to escape my life, I used it to try and escape me. And that's not gonna be cured by filling my time. I don't know the answer to that yet but it's something that I will address with my doctor.

duane1

I run when I get bored. Now I have started a kettlebell routine. I also play guitar. How are your eating habits? Vegetable/fruit smoothies really seem to elevate my mode.

stepping

sneeker - putting down the drink is the easy part. Learning to live without it is the HARD part. It was for me too. When I simply just put the drink down and kept doing what I was doing nothing changed on the inside. I had to take a step back and escape my comfort zone and do things that I never thought I would enjoy. But turns out I enjoy them a lot. I have found that working out, AA, volunteer stuff, reading, praying, and researching my disease of alcoholism keep me sane. All of this keeps me sober and happy. Not JUST sober. Try something new everyday. Stuff you would have never imagined yourself doing. You won't know if you like it or not without trying. You just might find things you were meant for along the way.

Dont drink and stuff will start falling into place.

Congrats on your sobriety. That's a HUGE deal and you should be very proud of yourself

Are you working a recovery program? I included AA in my recovery plan. It has opened a lot of doors for me. I can tell that it will continue to do so. So has working out. I never was the first person to raise my hand and/or volunteer but now since sober I can't wait to learn, assist, or help with anything. What do ya got to lose? Nothing. And you have a lot (maybe even everything) to gain.

i don't know if you are religious or not but one saying a member on here named Bob once said that rang very true to me. That void/hole is just the right God size God helps me along in all I do

Best of luck to you Remember...life begins when you leave your comfort zone.

whatsgoingon

I actually thought that giving up booze would help my depression. To a degee it has, I don't lose my temper so much anymore and I'm less likely to be affected by people's comments. Alcohol used to heighten certain feelings for me, if I was sad it would make me ten times sadder and if I was happy it could make me feel on top of the world.

Stopping drinking has not taken my depression away. I still have dark days and I still procrastinate and worry a lot. My life, like a lot if peoples, is a complex facet of stress, depression, anxiety and normality. Alcohol does not mix well with a complex soul! I'm by nature a deep thinker and I'm a very sensative person who takes things to heart. Stupidest comments that mean nothing can upset me. Drinking was just one of my problems, my next step or challenge is tackle another problem. I'm going to get some councelling in the new year just to help me focus in the next stage of journey. I'm also thinking of going on an NLP course, had anyone been?

In my life now there is no hiding place from the issues I have and that my friends is quite a scary place to be.

Caledonia1

Hi Sneeker I know exactly how you feel. I felt like that until I joined the fellowship of AA. Not sure if you've tried it or not, but it helped me to deal with the low feelings.

My hubby and I used to really enjoy a drink togeter so now we go to the theatre and live music gigs or concerts, love eating out too.

Next step for me is to try some adrelin rush activities, white water rafting or something like that if I'm brave enough.

Hope you find something to help lift your blue mood. Well done on your 4 months, brilliant!

hypochondriac

That's so me too Sneeker. Exactly the same. AA helps me in the mean time but in the new year I am going to make sure I address this more. My sis did a lot with NLP and said it was wonderful. I hope it helps you x

NapsteR1

Agree with all the above, seems like I have acres of time now, esp now as work is quiet. On my list for 2013 are, (not in order) learning how to play golf, getting the guitar out again, more and longer walks with the dogs, get to know my wife again.

I'm taking on a trainer role in the kids motorcycle display team and that will take ever Sunday, can't be wrecked for that.

If you want a challenge, learn to ride a motorcycle and join the right kind of motorcycle club, the kind that meets up for ride outs to bike cafes that sell tea and coffee not liquor and beers.

2granddaughters

AA is the solution for me. Quitting drinking is just the tip of the iceberg. Living sober is the trick.

All the best.

Bob R

Christopher99

Well said.

Lyoness

Seems like a lot of us relate to what you said here. Though oxy was my drug I am having the same struggles as you are otherwise. Deep feeling and thinking, highly sensitive and no way to escape that. Still in the mindset of trying to escape me rather than learn how to accept me. I, too, need that to be my focus as I continue on the recovery journey. Trying to be okay inside my own skin.

I wish us all the abillity to get there!

Hevyn

Hi sneeker. I'm glad you came here to discuss it. Not feeling alone in this makes all the difference.

I'd just like you to know that I had the same feelings early on, and it took more than 4 months for me to stop feeling like I was missing out. I was very resentful that I couldn't drink socially ever again - even though I knew to pick up would create chaos in my life. I had to remember that in the end, it wasn't fun anymore. It wasn't a break from reality. I had become totally dependent on it. Not sure if you had reached that stage, but you might have one day.

I hope you'll begin to feel more positive as you continue to heal. I'm sorry I don't have any suggestions for you. It sounds like you've done all the right things. Maybe talking about it here will help relieve the anxiety a bit.

FreeFall

Sneeker, I often feel the same way and I can totally relate to what you're saying. It is sad to give up something that often gave us pleasure and escape (even if other times it did the opposite). When it was good, it was really good, and when it was bad it was horrible. I've still been going out and socializing as a non drinker, but I find that so far reading is helping with the escape part. Also swimming when I can motivate myself. I think as time goes on it will get easier.
We do need to find things to break up the daily routine which can be so monotonous it makes you want to scream.