Help for my dear mum
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 1
Help for my dear mum
I am looking for some help and advice for my mother who is 67 years old. She lost her son(my brother) to drug addiction last week. 6 years ago as a result of the addiction my brother got very ill and ended up with brain damage. Both her and my dad nursed him round the clock till his dying day. Although he was in care for the whole 6 years both her and my dad visited my brother every day from morning till night. There was nurses with my brother all day long but my mum and dad would say no one could look after their son better than they could. I am so proud of them for doing this. My brother nearly died 3 times the last 6 years as a result of getting sick whilst in care. It's been a living hell but I know he is at peace now.
About a month ago I noticed something strange starting to happen to my dad. He started to become withdrawn with his personality draining away from him This got worse with the run up to my brother's death. My dad is also an addict, he has been an alcoholic for the past 30 years. For the last 9 years he has been mostly sober with one big relapse around 3 years go which required him to go into rehab. Since then he has been sober.
Prior to the last 9 years my dad put us through hell. He had 2 big accidents all ending in broken bones and long stays in hospital. The graphical images from these events have scarred both me and my mum and will stay us for the rest of our lives. You've probably heard this a million before times but as a sober man he is the nicest most humble person in the world. The best husband and dad anyone could wish for. As a drunk he is a severe alcoholic drinking round the clock and eventually fitting when his body gives up.
Both me and my mum have read this book so many times and know the outcome. My dad is now 65 and a little unsteady on his feet anyway from previous falls and accidents. The only way he will come off the alcohol now will be as a consequence of something happening. I know that if my mother does nothing then my guess is he will probably last around 6 months before he drinks himself to death.
My question is should my mum just throw him out or leave him? I have read previous posts where tough love has been the best advice. I just don't think she is doing him any favours letting him carry on as if nothing is wrong. My mum is the most wonderful and sweet person in the world and does not deserve to watch the next 6 months pan out. My dad has not even given me and my mum the time to mourn our loss.
I have my own family now and I know some people will probably say I need to butt out and leave my mum and dad alone. I can't change who I am but it just kills me to see my dad, my mum's husband and my kids granddad drink himself to death so soon after my brothers death.
What should I advise my mum?
About a month ago I noticed something strange starting to happen to my dad. He started to become withdrawn with his personality draining away from him This got worse with the run up to my brother's death. My dad is also an addict, he has been an alcoholic for the past 30 years. For the last 9 years he has been mostly sober with one big relapse around 3 years go which required him to go into rehab. Since then he has been sober.
Prior to the last 9 years my dad put us through hell. He had 2 big accidents all ending in broken bones and long stays in hospital. The graphical images from these events have scarred both me and my mum and will stay us for the rest of our lives. You've probably heard this a million before times but as a sober man he is the nicest most humble person in the world. The best husband and dad anyone could wish for. As a drunk he is a severe alcoholic drinking round the clock and eventually fitting when his body gives up.
Both me and my mum have read this book so many times and know the outcome. My dad is now 65 and a little unsteady on his feet anyway from previous falls and accidents. The only way he will come off the alcohol now will be as a consequence of something happening. I know that if my mother does nothing then my guess is he will probably last around 6 months before he drinks himself to death.
My question is should my mum just throw him out or leave him? I have read previous posts where tough love has been the best advice. I just don't think she is doing him any favours letting him carry on as if nothing is wrong. My mum is the most wonderful and sweet person in the world and does not deserve to watch the next 6 months pan out. My dad has not even given me and my mum the time to mourn our loss.
I have my own family now and I know some people will probably say I need to butt out and leave my mum and dad alone. I can't change who I am but it just kills me to see my dad, my mum's husband and my kids granddad drink himself to death so soon after my brothers death.
What should I advise my mum?
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 929
If your mom is of sound mind, she'll have to make her own decision whether to leave.
You will also have to decide if you will continue to have your kids visit a fall down drunk who is on his death bed due to drink.
Lastly, your dad has his own decision to make as well.
Best of luck.
You will also have to decide if you will continue to have your kids visit a fall down drunk who is on his death bed due to drink.
Lastly, your dad has his own decision to make as well.
Best of luck.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
((wishart)) - Welcome to SR, though I'm so sorry for what has brought you here. You may want to check out this forum:
Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
There are some pretty terrific people, there, who are dealing with loved ones of alcoholics. I'm both a recovering addict and recovering codependent who has loved ones still active in addiction. The friends & family forums have helped me a lot.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
There are some pretty terrific people, there, who are dealing with loved ones of alcoholics. I'm both a recovering addict and recovering codependent who has loved ones still active in addiction. The friends & family forums have helped me a lot.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
