Life becoming manageable-what have you observed?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Australia
Posts: 346
Life becoming manageable-what have you observed?
Hi everyone,
I was pondering recently the aspects of my external and internal life that have grown and become a lot more manageable as a result of recovery thus far. Please share yours! For me, I feel it's necessary from time-to-time to acknowledge progress that i've made and reflect on what's either changed-or is changing-and which areas could do with a bit of work. In time, of course-some things just cannot be rushed.
I think of NaTom's signature, that once recovery is focused on, the rest of life falls into place. Sorry mate, not verbatim-but I think that's the gist of it
To put it into context, i've been sober since the 3rd of June this year and active in AA about 2-3 weeks after that date.
Physically
Earlier sobriety was a minefield of headaches, nausea, poor sleep patterns, anxiety and my body/mind really processing the aches, pains and backlash of my drinking "career". I ended up in the ED after a query seizure, which I think was largely tied in with gripping fear about an old head injury.
Now, I sleep 7-8 hours per night and am always up before 7:30am without having to set an alarm. I feel that the grizzles and grumbles mentioned above have worked their way out and I have a far better "barometer" to work off and gauge if i'm burning the candle at both ends, too hungry, etc. I'm still a bit clumsy at times, but I don't think too much into it. My eyes are clear, my skin isn't blotchy and irritable and my weight isn't fluctuating all over the shop.
Mentally
The dissociation in the first few months was absolutely horrendous-I don't really have words to decribe the almost-constant experience of disconnection from myself and the external world. The post-acute withdrawal stage at that point was interfering greatly with my studies, concentration, ability to retain information and quite frankly, I thought I was going insane. The chatter in my head would not stop.
Now, I can devour a novel in about a day. I can engage in lectures and tutorials (different subject of study) and offer myself and my classmates something. My head is relatively quiet most days. Yes, I absolutely have bad days, but have a hell of a lot more insight into what's "setting me off" and tools to deal with these thoughts and feelings.
Medically
I'm very lucky that through seeing my Psychiatrist-I have been under his care for almost 2 years-I have learned that some medications just don't work for me, nor do they serve a purpose for my chemistry. At the beginning of this journey, I was taking antabuse, aurorix and xanax.
Now, it's been at least three months since i've taken aurorix. I've switched from xanax to a longer-lasting benzodiazepine and as a result, reduced the dose to about 1/3 or 1/4 of what it originally was. I flushed two bottles' worth of antabuse down the toilet the other day. There's no use for it (for me) anymore.
Relationships
I am making living amends, particularly to my family and close friends. I could see the hesitation in friends when I was invited out to social events, the raised eyebrows and pregnant pauses before i'd order a non-alcoholic drink. I resented this slightly (can't you see how far i've come?!
), but really do understand where they were coming from. I have noticed that my youngest sister has been extremely cautious, almost in getting "too attached" incase I relapse again. There's also a lot of anger there, and again, not surprised. I've burned everyone in my family, beyond words.
Now, my other sister calls to talk about boys and relationships. She's told me she's so proud of me because now "I have a life". We can laugh as a family. They know it's difficult for me to visit them as there are a lot of unhappy memories associated with my childhood home and I appreciate so much that they can accommodate for that. My youngest sister told me she loves me last week. I didn't have to say it first. My parents have a much better idea of "what they're going to get" when I call. My friends and I catch up fairly regularly and we have that thing...............I think it's called fun Trust is slowly being rebuilt and they take joy in knowing i'm healthy, calmer, much happier and increasingly comfortable in my own skin.
Financially
Well, it's not too hard to guess what it was like! I'm living off benefits as i'm studying and not yet in a position to take on paid work. I do volunteer, though & that is instrumental in my recovery I can plan meals accordingly, budget for the occasional treat like a movie or brunch and not be gripped by fear of living off condiment sandwiches because I just can't manage money!
So the list isn't exhaustive and I could write an essay (yes, longer than this!) on the emotional aspect, but if nothing else, this has helped me reflect on where i've come from; I hope someone else finds this useful and would love to hear what others' experiences have been like
Xx
I was pondering recently the aspects of my external and internal life that have grown and become a lot more manageable as a result of recovery thus far. Please share yours! For me, I feel it's necessary from time-to-time to acknowledge progress that i've made and reflect on what's either changed-or is changing-and which areas could do with a bit of work. In time, of course-some things just cannot be rushed.
I think of NaTom's signature, that once recovery is focused on, the rest of life falls into place. Sorry mate, not verbatim-but I think that's the gist of it
To put it into context, i've been sober since the 3rd of June this year and active in AA about 2-3 weeks after that date.
Physically
Earlier sobriety was a minefield of headaches, nausea, poor sleep patterns, anxiety and my body/mind really processing the aches, pains and backlash of my drinking "career". I ended up in the ED after a query seizure, which I think was largely tied in with gripping fear about an old head injury.
Now, I sleep 7-8 hours per night and am always up before 7:30am without having to set an alarm. I feel that the grizzles and grumbles mentioned above have worked their way out and I have a far better "barometer" to work off and gauge if i'm burning the candle at both ends, too hungry, etc. I'm still a bit clumsy at times, but I don't think too much into it. My eyes are clear, my skin isn't blotchy and irritable and my weight isn't fluctuating all over the shop.
Mentally
The dissociation in the first few months was absolutely horrendous-I don't really have words to decribe the almost-constant experience of disconnection from myself and the external world. The post-acute withdrawal stage at that point was interfering greatly with my studies, concentration, ability to retain information and quite frankly, I thought I was going insane. The chatter in my head would not stop.
Now, I can devour a novel in about a day. I can engage in lectures and tutorials (different subject of study) and offer myself and my classmates something. My head is relatively quiet most days. Yes, I absolutely have bad days, but have a hell of a lot more insight into what's "setting me off" and tools to deal with these thoughts and feelings.
Medically
I'm very lucky that through seeing my Psychiatrist-I have been under his care for almost 2 years-I have learned that some medications just don't work for me, nor do they serve a purpose for my chemistry. At the beginning of this journey, I was taking antabuse, aurorix and xanax.
Now, it's been at least three months since i've taken aurorix. I've switched from xanax to a longer-lasting benzodiazepine and as a result, reduced the dose to about 1/3 or 1/4 of what it originally was. I flushed two bottles' worth of antabuse down the toilet the other day. There's no use for it (for me) anymore.
Relationships
I am making living amends, particularly to my family and close friends. I could see the hesitation in friends when I was invited out to social events, the raised eyebrows and pregnant pauses before i'd order a non-alcoholic drink. I resented this slightly (can't you see how far i've come?!
), but really do understand where they were coming from. I have noticed that my youngest sister has been extremely cautious, almost in getting "too attached" incase I relapse again. There's also a lot of anger there, and again, not surprised. I've burned everyone in my family, beyond words.Now, my other sister calls to talk about boys and relationships. She's told me she's so proud of me because now "I have a life". We can laugh as a family. They know it's difficult for me to visit them as there are a lot of unhappy memories associated with my childhood home and I appreciate so much that they can accommodate for that. My youngest sister told me she loves me last week. I didn't have to say it first. My parents have a much better idea of "what they're going to get" when I call. My friends and I catch up fairly regularly and we have that thing...............I think it's called fun
Trust is slowly being rebuilt and they take joy in knowing i'm healthy, calmer, much happier and increasingly comfortable in my own skin.Financially
Well, it's not too hard to guess what it was like! I'm living off benefits as i'm studying and not yet in a position to take on paid work. I do volunteer, though & that is instrumental in my recovery
I can plan meals accordingly, budget for the occasional treat like a movie or brunch and not be gripped by fear of living off condiment sandwiches because I just can't manage money!So the list isn't exhaustive and I could write an essay (yes, longer than this!) on the emotional aspect, but if nothing else, this has helped me reflect on where i've come from; I hope someone else finds this useful and would love to hear what others' experiences have been like
Xx
Not Alone
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: South East UK
Posts: 1,513
Sup Quinne. Thanks for the name drop. What my signature says is pretty much how I experienced manageability coming back into my life. I put, and keep putting, a lot of effort into my recovery. The effort I put in pays out tenfold. Far too often we all worry about material things or stuff like jobs, and relationships. At the end of the day the only thing you have to worry about is yourself. If you get right down to it you just have to take care of you.
When I first came home from rehab I had a suitcase full of stuff. I was on unemployment benefits and I was living in a spare room. I looked at what I had and decided that at that precise moment in time I didn't need anything else. I focused on my recovery and things started happening. I got a job. I reconnected with several old friends I had lost through using. I started getting up at 6am and going to bed at 10pm. My Mum and Dad started trusting me.
My life still feels unmanageable at times when I am stressed or upset but it is nothing at all like it was in my old life. Recovery has given me the ability to actually live and to experience life. Before I entered recovery I didn't know how to live. I didn't know how to act normally. I never felt any emotion other than anger. I didn't know how to care for people. I didn't know the benefits of both empathy and humility.
So I guess in short that my suggestion would be. Focus on your recovery...a day at a time. I know stuff seems really bad sometimes. When you don't have a job. Or you lost your house. Or your wife/husband/child has left you. But it will get better. You have a 0% chance of anything getting drastically better if you keep using or drinking. But there is a chance if you get clean and sober.
Natom.
When I first came home from rehab I had a suitcase full of stuff. I was on unemployment benefits and I was living in a spare room. I looked at what I had and decided that at that precise moment in time I didn't need anything else. I focused on my recovery and things started happening. I got a job. I reconnected with several old friends I had lost through using. I started getting up at 6am and going to bed at 10pm. My Mum and Dad started trusting me.
My life still feels unmanageable at times when I am stressed or upset but it is nothing at all like it was in my old life. Recovery has given me the ability to actually live and to experience life. Before I entered recovery I didn't know how to live. I didn't know how to act normally. I never felt any emotion other than anger. I didn't know how to care for people. I didn't know the benefits of both empathy and humility.
So I guess in short that my suggestion would be. Focus on your recovery...a day at a time. I know stuff seems really bad sometimes. When you don't have a job. Or you lost your house. Or your wife/husband/child has left you. But it will get better. You have a 0% chance of anything getting drastically better if you keep using or drinking. But there is a chance if you get clean and sober.
Natom.
Keeping it simple!
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Surrey, BC
Posts: 3,282
I was a mess when I quit. Couldn't eat sleep or think. All I could think about was drinking. I started going to my daughters house and stayed until 11:00 at night cause I knew the liquor store was closed and I wouldn't go.
Things slowly got better. A couple of months ago my appetite came back and I was eating everything in site!
I am currently on paxil which helps with my panic attacks and depression. Booze and pills don't mix.
Well I have suffered a few physical things. My teeth. I spent the last 3 - 4 years drinking cheap sherry that was high in sugar and alcohol and didn't take care of myself. Now my teeth are lose and I have to get most of them pulled out and get dentures. I'm tryng to be positive about it. I go on Jan 9 for the extractions and dentures. He also wants me to go to my doctor and get a bone mass scan. My fingers hurt and get numb. I'm lucky my liver isn't screwed!
Financially I am collecting EI as I took sick leave from work last year and decided that I wasn't going back. I have totally changed everything, I never thought I would ever quit my job. I know I can find something to do, and I don't need a lot of money. I am lucky that way. I cringe when I think of all the money that I threw away on booze.
Things slowly got better. A couple of months ago my appetite came back and I was eating everything in site!
I am currently on paxil which helps with my panic attacks and depression. Booze and pills don't mix.
Well I have suffered a few physical things. My teeth. I spent the last 3 - 4 years drinking cheap sherry that was high in sugar and alcohol and didn't take care of myself. Now my teeth are lose and I have to get most of them pulled out and get dentures. I'm tryng to be positive about it. I go on Jan 9 for the extractions and dentures. He also wants me to go to my doctor and get a bone mass scan. My fingers hurt and get numb. I'm lucky my liver isn't screwed!
Financially I am collecting EI as I took sick leave from work last year and decided that I wasn't going back. I have totally changed everything, I never thought I would ever quit my job. I know I can find something to do, and I don't need a lot of money. I am lucky that way. I cringe when I think of all the money that I threw away on booze.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 5,678
Thanks for writing all that Quinne It's really useful to see how things have improved and you're right, it's a really good exercise to see what areas need improvement!
Physically
I think this is the biggest improvement for me. I had a lot of pain and odd symptoms which were mainly anxiety/drink related which have largely disappeared. I still have pain/discomfort from some neuropathy but in a way it serves as a useful reminder of why I can't drink! For the first 3-5 months I had lots of headaches and felt pretty tired all the time, but now I feel almost normal. I am not puffy and red and blotchy anymore I have put on quite a bit of weight now though so that is something I need to address.
Mentally
Well obviously this is a work in progress but things are so much better. I had a lot of dissociation too and lots of problems concentrating and speaking. My mind was all over the place constantly, but now I feel very calm and have almost got to the point where I can sit through a film or read for longer than 5 minutes. My emotional state is so much more stable now it's practically a miracle, but it has taken a long time to feel okay with myself and is still a work in progress.
Medically
Same as physical for me, I have awful doctors still but am persevering. I know if there was actually something serious wrong with me then they'd help me. I am going to attempt talking to them about depression at some point and may consider trying medication. At the moment I take campral for cravings and I think it helps.
Relationships
This is the area which I think needs work. I still isolate a lot. The only people I can bear being around are in AA. I have drifted away from friends because I had to stop going out and all they see is me being slightly on edge and hassled sober so they probably don't see my sobriety as the wonderful thing it is to me. I will have to try being honest at some point. I didn't have much luck telling my family. No one seemed to know about my drinking and so I am not sure they really took me seriously. But I can see much more potential in my social life now. I enjoy spending time with friends now rather than wishing I was at home drinking.
Financially
Well I work so I am okay financially but my money management is atrocious. I am spending a lot on stuff to make me feel better day by day and not really thinking of the bigger picture. I plan to sort this out early next year and plan to put money aside for the times my boiler breaks!
I am not sure my life has become manageable yet but it is so much better than it was. Really the biggest improvements for me have been internal, and really that's where it starts, but I have a long way to go.
It's really useful to see how things have improved and you're right, it's a really good exercise to see what areas need improvement!Physically
I think this is the biggest improvement for me. I had a lot of pain and odd symptoms which were mainly anxiety/drink related which have largely disappeared. I still have pain/discomfort from some neuropathy but in a way it serves as a useful reminder of why I can't drink! For the first 3-5 months I had lots of headaches and felt pretty tired all the time, but now I feel almost normal. I am not puffy and red and blotchy anymore
I have put on quite a bit of weight now though so that is something I need to address.Mentally
Well obviously this is a work in progress but things are so much better. I had a lot of dissociation too and lots of problems concentrating and speaking. My mind was all over the place constantly, but now I feel very calm and have almost got to the point where I can sit through a film or read for longer than 5 minutes. My emotional state is so much more stable now it's practically a miracle, but it has taken a long time to feel okay with myself and is still a work in progress.
Medically
Same as physical for me, I have awful doctors still but am persevering. I know if there was actually something serious wrong with me then they'd help me. I am going to attempt talking to them about depression at some point and may consider trying medication. At the moment I take campral for cravings and I think it helps.
Relationships
This is the area which I think needs work. I still isolate a lot. The only people I can bear being around are in AA. I have drifted away from friends because I had to stop going out and all they see is me being slightly on edge and hassled sober so they probably don't see my sobriety as the wonderful thing it is to me. I will have to try being honest at some point. I didn't have much luck telling my family. No one seemed to know about my drinking and so I am not sure they really took me seriously. But I can see much more potential in my social life now. I enjoy spending time with friends now rather than wishing I was at home drinking.
Financially
Well I work so I am okay financially but my money management is atrocious. I am spending a lot on stuff to make me feel better day by day and not really thinking of the bigger picture. I plan to sort this out early next year and plan to put money aside for the times my boiler breaks!
I am not sure my life has become manageable yet but it is so much better than it was. Really the biggest improvements for me have been internal, and really that's where it starts, but I have a long way to go.
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