Mo S

Dear Father and Mom,, you whine:

You don't deserve the name Dad. You were only a dad to me by providing me food clothing and shelter. You brought me into the world and i thank you for that.

Everything else....the abuse at holiday time. The violence. Mental and emotional abuse. Busy with Mom and the relatives so he could drug me up and drag me off to that room. To ruin even more the wonder of Xmas for a 4 yr old child.

I thought i forgave you til you got on the phone last week...I haven't talked to you in years. All to tell me I am never going to see the home movies i asked for and to swear at me again. The home movies that had evidence that my childhood had happy memories and people that loved me. But you are so delusional you think i actually snuck in the house 1000 miles away to take the sound off when you had them converted from VHS to DVD. I DIDNT DO IT you a hole. It was the guy who transferred your movies over. But i am the scapegoat.

So F u. You broke my mother, your wife, but you won't break me. I am intact.
Your son also survived you to also get sober. You? you went to AA to get Mom back and it worked. Then she became just like you. I ask for home movies he gets on the phone and Mom whines "you have to to this to me?" the eternal victim.

I will not call you anymore after Gramma passes away Mom. I will not talk to you on Xmas or call you on your birthday even tho you didn't call me but expect me to call you. Gramma saved my life more than once and i will miss her....i will not come home for the funeral if there is one. She and i talked and i know what she wanted.....will you give it to her when she goes? Let her sleep at the nursing home. She earned it. She is 87 years old! I love her and miss her so but i had to move 1000 miles away from the place it all began. Enjoy your crappy weather while i enjoy FL.

Every year I work my butt off to reclaim Xmas....from what you tried to take from me. You will not take my soul, my self esteem, my mind. You will not drive me crazy tho you tried. Bipolar and PTSD is enough thank you....not to mention alcoholism. 29 years sober and i have had enough of you.

I am done with you. I know realize you will never say the right thing even at the wrong time. I will seek the love from within....and all around me. Thank Goddess i was honest and made it to AA, ACOA and therapy. You made it to AA ....nice job you got her back and stopped going.....and you have mental problems. After much reflection i have come to realize there are really bad people in the world. You are one of them. Good riddence.



Yes, i am angry. I will get over it as i have most things.

Mom, perhaps after Dad is dead we may heal the past. I dont know but i wont count on it. You may pass away first. I hope you outlive him even tho you will be poor. Too bads Dad would not allow us to buy the life insurance on him for you. We tried. We love you. I just can't be responsible for helping you the way your son does. I hope you are safe in your denial. I truly hope you have something that makes you happy.

Enjoy your Xmas together because no one wants to see you at Xmas. You pushed out your own sister and nephew and his new wife. All for him. Gramma said to me you were born without a "backbone". Now i truly know what she means. It makes me sad.

You both taught me so much by bad example. Thank you. I have learned that if i do the opposite of you most times i do ok.....even well.

I have a beautiful life, family, dogs, baby turtles, friends and inlaws you will never see. You lost out. We lost out. It's a shame. I have a beautiful home and we go boating and fishing and live in paradise.....one of the best beaches in the country....you will never be invited to my home. If you do my partner threatened to leave lol. Yea, its that serious.

so goodbye.


Maureen

Mo S

i saw Wyonna J. in concert last night. She talked about her anger at her mother and forgiving her and her sister Ashley. I asked her after the concert: how did you forgive your mother? She said the 4th and 5th....that if i looked in my soul there was nothing she did that i didnt do. She is right in some regards. It was coool to share a moment with such an awesome talented woman with an awesome voice.

Thank you if you understood my need to put this letter somewhere. Thank you if you thanked me lol...

I think i had a mini spiritual awakening last night. Thank you Wyonna J.

hexaemeron

I'm actually flying across the country in a few weeks to essentially do this. I so understand where you are and I'm so, so sorry it had to be that way.

Kialua

I know it's hard to forgive an offender that doesn't deserve your forgiveness. Your parent(s) don't deserve your forgiveness. But you do. Trite but true:
Not forgiving is like drinking rat poison yourself and then waiting for the rat to die. They don't.

Look at this thread that we had a few months ago about forgiveness, it might help:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ve-her-no.html

tromboneliness

Just to toss out one of my favorite John MacDougal slogans again, "Forgiveness is giving up hope for a better past."

That is, when you say such-and-such is forgiven, that doesn't mean (as I think Kialua put it in that earlier thread) absolution -- it just means we're letting go of the need to keep hoping that our raging, alcoholic, control-freak parents are all of a sudden going to get religion at 90, realize what lousy parents they were all our lives, and say, "Gee, I'm sorry I was such an awful parent -- you aren't crazy after all! It was all my fault, boy did I screw up!" That isn't likely to happen -- extremely unlikely in the case of my parents, on account of they're dead -- so we should probably think about turning that one over and just letting it recede into the rear-view mirror.

As far as I can remember, my Dad never -- not once, in the 47 years I knew him -- apologized for anything, ever. The words "I'm sorry" were just not in his vocabulary. That is not good -- and I'm still not going to give him credit for "doing the best he could," which I would argue everyone is doing all the time, by definition -- but I am recognizing that I need to accept that all of this cr*p happened. He'd have a hard time apologizing now even if he wanted to. To forgive is to accept what happened -- not necessarily to like it. I'm still not really there yet -- but at least I'm aware enough to tell other people that that's what they need to do...

T

Mo S

great motto Trombone. Thank you for that. This is all so complicated. Confusing.....eh the journey lol.

EveningRose

What are the 4th and 5th? Steps?

EveningRose

This resonated with me. I've posted often on here that I fear my parents and siblings turning my kids against me and people who know me tell me I'm a very good mother and have nothing to fear. It's true I have a pretty good relationship with my kids. We laugh together a lot, tease each other, they're generally happy, well-adjusted kids.

And when I think about the many years of raising them, I have often thought that I did it all by remembering how much I hated the way they treated me, how much the daily swearing, anger, agitation, cursing, and yelling felt, emotionally, like being beaten with a stick. It really felt like physical blows. And I have worked hard at becoming more peaceful.

I remember how foolish my mother looked when she'd march around the house screaming about 'who made off with my keys!' I have become quite calm in looking for things that are lost and dealing with it peaceably if I can't find them.

Yes...thank you, [name] and [name] (I can't even bring myself to call them mom and dad) for teaching me by example. A perfect example of what not to do.

Oh, and my parents put my gifts on the back of a shelf somewhere--today I will be wearing my 7 year-old's plastic bead bracelet he made for me at school! He is so proud of it and so excited to see me wear it! Maybe I'll even wear it when I play at Christmas Mass tomorrow.

tromboneliness

What do you play, if you don't mind my asking?

T

EveningRose

Flute