So frustrated!!!
Getting there!!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
So frustrated!!!
Yesterday, I had a meeting with my son's therapist, his case manager and a new psychiatrist. (My husband had a Dr's appt for his arm, it was the last appt before the holidays and I was fine going without him). I was well prepared for the topic of discussion because I knew it was coming.
My son is complaining again he can not concentrate and they wanted permission to put him on an ADHD medicine. I had already discussed this with his father and we decided if this was the topic we would refuse permission for the following reasons:
1. He has not been clean for long, maybe 2 months. Not long enough for any diagnosis to be made.
2. He has no issues taking long, required standardize tests, In fact, he scores extremely high.
3. The doctor could not state what the adverse effects would be if smoked pot or spice.
4. We have already tried this a few times. They prescribed Welbutrin though.
5. My son thinks everything should be cured with a pill. (addict thinking)
6. I know he was abusing non prescribed Adderall at on time, so we believe his still drug seeking.
7. My son called me the other day, saying he wanted to get "high." So his Dad called him back and told him he would pick him up for a meeting. Originally, my son wanted to go, then declined. (They have gone together already and my son said it helped but just didn't "feel like it." My husband told him thats when you reallyneed it most, son said No again and father would not push him).
I politely told the DR that perhaps we could address this issue in a couple of months if he continues to pass drug tests, However, I was still concerned that his "lack of concentration" may be a result from recent drug abuse. (My son has beat many drug court ordered tests already). Also, I explained that I was concerned that he was drug seeking. Lastly, I told him that I thought a diagnosis was too soon because at the most, he has been clean for 2 months, if that.
The doctor got very indignant and rude with me. He told me "if you are unwilling to help him, then there is nothing I can do." He completely disregarded any of my concerns, stood up and talked "at" me. I nicely asked him to sit back down so we could have a respectful conversation. He refused and let the room in a huff.
I was so mad. To make matters worse, my son called me and was furious that I refused permission, which speaks volumes. He was very disrespectful, so I told him we could talk later when he was calm. I told him, I love you and said Good bye! Later that evening, he got aggressive with staff and had to be "brought down."
The supervisor, who originally thought my son was the sweetest, kindest kid she ever met, said today - "I have worked with a lot of kids and he had me very fooled during his honeymoon period. He hasn't learned anything so far."
My son gets off probation next week, he is actually graduating from drug court, will receive a diploma and a gift card (wow). Everyone involved is predicting more of the same when he is off probation. (so heartbreaking)
To be very honest, I am not sure I want him here for Christmas. I do not trust him at all, he is slick, and I have had enough stolen by him. I told my husband, I was willing to go see him, take him out to eat and see a movie but I don't want the anxiety of him being here. Now I feel guilty. He is still my son, I love him very much but I just cant do it, especially after talking to him last night. I could tell by the look on my husband's face, he was disappointed but he agreed.
I would really like to complain about that DR but from past experience, I have found it to be just a waste of time and energy. grrrrrrrrr
My son is complaining again he can not concentrate and they wanted permission to put him on an ADHD medicine. I had already discussed this with his father and we decided if this was the topic we would refuse permission for the following reasons:
1. He has not been clean for long, maybe 2 months. Not long enough for any diagnosis to be made.
2. He has no issues taking long, required standardize tests, In fact, he scores extremely high.
3. The doctor could not state what the adverse effects would be if smoked pot or spice.
4. We have already tried this a few times. They prescribed Welbutrin though.
5. My son thinks everything should be cured with a pill. (addict thinking)
6. I know he was abusing non prescribed Adderall at on time, so we believe his still drug seeking.
7. My son called me the other day, saying he wanted to get "high." So his Dad called him back and told him he would pick him up for a meeting. Originally, my son wanted to go, then declined. (They have gone together already and my son said it helped but just didn't "feel like it." My husband told him thats when you reallyneed it most, son said No again and father would not push him).
I politely told the DR that perhaps we could address this issue in a couple of months if he continues to pass drug tests, However, I was still concerned that his "lack of concentration" may be a result from recent drug abuse. (My son has beat many drug court ordered tests already). Also, I explained that I was concerned that he was drug seeking. Lastly, I told him that I thought a diagnosis was too soon because at the most, he has been clean for 2 months, if that.
The doctor got very indignant and rude with me. He told me "if you are unwilling to help him, then there is nothing I can do." He completely disregarded any of my concerns, stood up and talked "at" me. I nicely asked him to sit back down so we could have a respectful conversation. He refused and let the room in a huff.
I was so mad. To make matters worse, my son called me and was furious that I refused permission, which speaks volumes. He was very disrespectful, so I told him we could talk later when he was calm. I told him, I love you and said Good bye! Later that evening, he got aggressive with staff and had to be "brought down."
The supervisor, who originally thought my son was the sweetest, kindest kid she ever met, said today - "I have worked with a lot of kids and he had me very fooled during his honeymoon period. He hasn't learned anything so far."
My son gets off probation next week, he is actually graduating from drug court, will receive a diploma and a gift card (wow). Everyone involved is predicting more of the same when he is off probation. (so heartbreaking)
To be very honest, I am not sure I want him here for Christmas. I do not trust him at all, he is slick, and I have had enough stolen by him. I told my husband, I was willing to go see him, take him out to eat and see a movie but I don't want the anxiety of him being here. Now I feel guilty. He is still my son, I love him very much but I just cant do it, especially after talking to him last night. I could tell by the look on my husband's face, he was disappointed but he agreed.
I would really like to complain about that DR but from past experience, I have found it to be just a waste of time and energy. grrrrrrrrr
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Alabama
Posts: 1,741
LMN, you will make the decision about Christmas that is right for you. You have so much going on between hubby, son and daughter I don't know if your like me( ha ha) ok so yeah I do we are like twins in "some" areas but I always find I am in a different place with each of my addicts.
I have not mailed my oldest son a single letter the entire 2 years he was been locked up, seriously I have nothing to say when someone allows him a free call I do talk with him and tell him I love him.
This AS use to take his ADHD meds and other meds and pass them off to some as something else it got to the point of I had to also say no in his case there was an injection available that he got every 2 weeks at the doctors.
I love Vanilla candles but never could have them as he would chunk them up and sell them as crack.
I would put in a complaint even though you have before he was not professional from what you have said maybe sooner or later enough complaints will help.
I have not mailed my oldest son a single letter the entire 2 years he was been locked up, seriously I have nothing to say when someone allows him a free call I do talk with him and tell him I love him.
This AS use to take his ADHD meds and other meds and pass them off to some as something else it got to the point of I had to also say no in his case there was an injection available that he got every 2 weeks at the doctors.
I love Vanilla candles but never could have them as he would chunk them up and sell them as crack.
I would put in a complaint even though you have before he was not professional from what you have said maybe sooner or later enough complaints will help.
Curmudgeon, Electrical Engineer, Guitar God Wannabe
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Where the mighty arms of Atlas hold the heavens from the Earth
Posts: 3,403
Before I start, just want to say I got out of bed to write this. Now then...
I was reading this in bed and chuckling to myself a little bit. Not at your frustration, but at how transparent your AS is. He's got his dad wrapped around his finger by telling him he wants to get high, and his dad jumps into action by offering to take him to a meeting. You know -- JUMP!!! And his father says, How high? And your AS knows this. It serves no purpose to enable him to be helpless. If he wants to get high, OK. That's his choice. You don't pay the price for that. No one pays the price for that...except your son.
Ask yourself the following: what's worse, feeling guilty that you've maintained your boundaries, or feeling foolish that you allowed your AS to dupe you once more? Because if you give him that chance, he will. And you know this.
If you decide to see him, decide it will be on your terms.
Back to bed. Please be safe...
ZoSo
I was reading this in bed and chuckling to myself a little bit. Not at your frustration, but at how transparent your AS is. He's got his dad wrapped around his finger by telling him he wants to get high, and his dad jumps into action by offering to take him to a meeting. You know -- JUMP!!! And his father says, How high? And your AS knows this. It serves no purpose to enable him to be helpless. If he wants to get high, OK. That's his choice. You don't pay the price for that. No one pays the price for that...except your son.
To be very honest, I am not sure I want him here for Christmas. I do not trust him at all, he is slick, and I have had enough stolen by him. I told my husband, I was willing to go see him, take him out to eat and see a movie but I don't want the anxiety of him being here. Now I feel guilty. He is still my son, I love him very much but I just cant do it, especially after talking to him last night. I could tell by the look on my husband's face, he was disappointed but he agreed.
If you decide to see him, decide it will be on your terms.
Back to bed. Please be safe...
ZoSo
Getting there!!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
Thank you Zoso, you made some good points about the guilt verses being duped. But I am a little embarrassed to say that it was me who jumped. My son called and told me he wanted to get high. Of course, the codie mom in me told my husband who was going to a meeting anyway so he offered to take him along again. When my son said No, his dad said "OK, let me know if you change your mind." I wanted to call my son back and "convince" him to go....but I stopped myself. He has to want and need to stop using. (but I also knew he was also seeing his drug counselor/ therapist the next day so that made my decision a little easier.)
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