bradley26

Title pretty much sums it up, how do u go about this? im assuming most people would run a mile ,should i just keep it a secret? Its not exactly the sort of thing u say after the 3rd date " oh by the way i have a drink problem". thanx in advance guys and gals . ,

courage2

It sounds kinda nice to be able just to say, "I don't drink", even maybe -- "used to, didn't work for me, now I don't". Nice to have a new relationship to make a fresh, sober start with.

kiwi1971

That's going to be tricky in a new relationship. I have been seeing a girl for a year now and told her last weekend. She loves me and I feel safe so that made it a lot easier.

After about three weeks of going out with you I came clean with two GUI's and two other arrests drunken incidents, and she was understanding and stuck around.

My advice is, if you see yourself having a relationship with you then you need to come clean. It will come out eventually and what will be will be, so take a chance now. At least you will start your relationship off on an honest foot.

Take two chairs. Turn them towards each other. You sit in one and her in the other. Take her hands, tell her that she means enough for you to be be honest and that you have something you need to share with her. Then be honest and humble with her.

Good luck buddy. If you decide to take the leap of faith I would love to hear how you got on.

Andrew

pattyj

I like what courage2 says. For now, just tell her that 'you don't drink.' Maybe that you used to but it didn't work for you. That is the truth but I wouldn't go into too much detail at the moment. If she sticks around, I'm sure there will come a time when everything will come out regarding drinking and your past. This is a new start for you and will probably help you stay sober. Let us know what you decide to do and how it all works out!

chiffonade

This question always comes up and I don't understand why people have such a tough time with it.

"My doctor says I can't drink anymore."

For anyone with a drinking problem, not only is this 100% TRUE, it stops any further questions.

Someone would have to be a real piece of work to pry any further .. like: "WHY? WHAT MEDICAL CONDITION DO YOU HAVE, EXACTLY? TELL ME."

courage2

Yes, let us know.

I guess the diff between what Patty & I suggest, and kiwi, is whether you're committed to sobriety, and whether she's already experienced some bad consequences of your problem. If you're sober, and she hasn't, I would just start from your sobriety and work to make things evolve in a healthy, natural way.

bradley26

my doctor says i cant just drink no more dosnt cut it , i mean who has problems with alcohol except alcoholics? apart from people who have allergic reactions to alcohol smart arses. i thank u all for youre input maybe u just have to tell it how it is , im BRADLEY i cant drink modertely because im a drunk , u either like it or lump it, i dunno guys ,why cant i rid this this bull **it for good???

ru12

How about "I don't like the way I feel when I drink." That might work.

NapsteR1

"My doctor says I can't drink anymore."

Doesn't bear close examination tho for me. What you're saying is a) I was thrashing it so hard that medical intervention was required and b) It was someone else's decision that I stopped and must continue to stop, rather than yours.

I'm going to have to start explaining my lack of drinking to customers, colleagues, mates etc over the next few weeks (have managed to double book myself for every Xmas do so far and have been able to play the driving excuse - not going to work for ever) and I'll be using the "used to, didn't work out" line as for me, it says that I realised I have a problem and I made the choice to knock it on the head.

Maples

I used the Dr as an initial excuse and then followed it up with "i like how it made me feel, so I decided to stay sober." People seem to respect it.

AlcoholicLove

My exA came right out and told me he was an alcoholic. He didn't try to sugar coat it, and I did appreciate that.
HOWEVER, I wish I would have run for the hills back then-it was one of the most painful experiences of my life....

Hope I didn't make you feel bad, Bradley-just wanted to give you perspective from the "other side"

Quinne

I went on a 3rd date with a pretty great guy yesterday. On our second date, I said that I felt it important to both him & myself that I let him know I'm in AA. His response was very kind, pretty much neutral and humbling. I have no issue telling people about AA where I think It's relevant. Infact, I said it with a smile on my face because I'm damn happy about it However, if I didn't have a program and was just white-knuckling it, I don't know what I would've said, if anything at all. Choose your time and place

BillyPilgrim

I just say, I dont drink, I have had my fair share.

That indicates I am comfortable not drinking, but have had an issue I have addressed in the past

I am not going to sacrifice my sobriety for anyone. Most girls actually warm to a man who isnt going to get hammered. Treat it as a positive not a negative.

and do you want to get involved with someone who thinks drinking is the be all and end all. First time I gave up, I went out with a girl who was a toper.

She brought four bottles of wine to my house first time I cooked for her. I had no chance against that.

Took a long time to recover from that. Not going to make that mistake again

Wifi

Well... If your still drinking she is going to find out soon enough...

ricmcc

This is just a very minor bit to add to the better posts which appear about this one, but I do hope that in some minor way it might help you. The main problems that alcohics face is the ability to lie, to other people, most damaging, the lies which we tell ourselves. Saying that, a fourth date indicates the beginning of a relationship---might i suggest that you speak of your not wishing to drink simply as a result of having had observe the effect of drink on your family, and others close to you-----a lie, i do realise that, but maybe one that is for the most part true, and might lead to a 5th date where you can be more honest about your motives; and hopefully many dates beyond that, during which you can explain your not wishing to drink---just a thought, bearing in mind that honesty is the better policy, tempered honesty the best: just so long as you remain honest to your desire never to drink again. Not a popular thought, this, a small lie to allow you never to have to lie again-----all the best, at any rate, and good holidays, safe and sober ones---------Rick