Guyver

What do you do when your life is so disgusting stressful on a daily basis and feeling a lot of anger and potentially snapping and hurting someone (sober) without the drink sedating you and making you articially happy?

Sounds like an excuse to drink I know, but what do you do when life is so crap that even sober it would be miserable so you drink to get at least SOME type of escape?

Ssdawg1422

I would encourage seeking counseling to help work out those emotions. Find healthy ways to relieve stress such as exercise, or something enjoyable that allieveates stress. Being full of anger isn't a healthy way to live nor is it a healthy mindset.

instant

It takes work to learn how to live sober.

Having said that my emotions were unstable for six months.

I was very cranky when drinking in any event- it wasn't,t really helping me cope it was just causing more problems

InspiredAnew

I'm "starting over" for the third time at least, since early November. Decided to "treat myself" to some red wine at a real laid back small get together at a friends place mOnday. Well, I ended up in party mode til prob 3am, woke up on the foot of her bed at the exact minute I needed to be at work, showed up 30 min late in a panic, puffy faced and half drunk and shaky. I was certain I'd lose my job or at least make an awful a** of myself. Got through the entire double shift and was determined I'm over it.. but it's so easy after getting to a good place for a couple weeks, it makes sense that I should be okay for a couple drinks! I feel like my body just doesn't want it anymore- period

SoberRo

My life had descended into misery because of alcohol. I drank to escape, but alas that which I was hoping to escape was the product of an alcoholic lifestyle. Upon realizing I needed to escape from the alcohol in order to reassess and reorganize my life, I began to want to stop drinking.

Short answer is that if you don't actually want to stop drinking, you may as well carry on. I considered sobriety many times over before I quit. I think that if I'd have tried to stop earlier, I would have failed and my confidence would have suffered as a consequence. Maybe at some point in your future you will decide that you want to quit ... until then, do what you feel is right for you at the moment.

One thing I'd like to say, though, is that sobriety (of only three weeks) has taught me that to my amazement, I am able to deal with anything and everything life throws at me. Some stuff is hard, but it's still doable. I haven't chosen an easily life - I'm a nurse and work with terminally ill patients. Lot's of death, pain and medical emergencies - I used to drink away my distress, now I digest it, reflect and am at peace with it.

I really hope you find your peace too.

Guyver

My neighbourhood is terrified of me due to what I've done while drunk, and I mean SCARED. I've often been compared to the Joker from the Batman films while drunk.. and that is coming from a 6'8 guy who works in a night club to throws out regular drunkards who get rowdy and I am a 5'6 shortish stockish guy who is find of out of shape.. thats the levels of anger and rage I give off when drunk that even he would be afraid to "face me".

Nobody has been physically hurt as of yet due to some miracle, I get verbal abuse from the local teens which makes me want to run out with a knife and do them in and I am very capable of doing such while sober.. not that I am a sociopath I would regret it once it is over so I sedate myself with alcohol and play movies/music to block out all sounds during the day and only get peace during the night when all the "humans" go to bed.. that is literally how I feel.

People in my neighbhourhood literally fear someone is going to get killed with me with drink in me but without the drink I know I would snap while sober without some type of escape.. god knows any way out of this.

D104

I can be a real nasty drunk too. I've woken up after a black out wondering whether I have indeed hurt someone but can't remember. I've had the police drive me to my mums house after being found wandering a random street after I went a cab driver who I thought was ripping me off. Only to wake up disoriented and wondering why I was in my childhood bed and why was my mum sooooo angry at me. I went skitzo at her after the cops left and smashed up a wall. Threatened her. Woke up and saw the damage and I have never felt like I wanted to die more so than that day after. I was clean for 3 months, and that was over a year ago.
One thing I know is I needed anger management and it has helped... Work in progress.
But I also need to stop drinking in order to give myself a fighting chance at a happy life.
May you find happiness and sorry for rambling.

Guyver

Yes I once woke up in a police cell after being found with a knife by the police and another time for making drunken death threats against someone who I was convinced was trying and plotting to kill me first (while drunk).

I also feel supreme guilty and regret once I sober up but guess what? I turn back to the bottle to remove those feelings and then it starts all over again, it doesn't help I seem to be physically strong while drunk that it took 4 cops 15 minutes to subdue to me in a small room where everyone got some type of injury.. basically a ticking time bomb.

I can't see how I could stand this crap sober, my father has just died and I have nobody and feel completely justified in my anger while drunk so I don't hold back on any level, that is the problem. But I know I am slowly killing myself and may potentially kill someone else if I don't stop drinking.

D104

Can I ask... How long have you gone sober for any stretch of time, be it 1 month or 12?
The problem with booze is that you might not drink for 3 days but there are remnants of it still in your system. Until it completely leaves your system and then some, you won't really know whether your anger is fueled by alcohol or not.
I have a lot of anger! But I know it intensifies when I drink. Catch 22 situation, I try to numb the anger by drinking. But it doesn't work and hasn't for years. And yet I still drink because I'm addicted. And that angers me.
I'm a chick and have people intimidated by me. I scare the living daylights out of males. But In the light of day I am embarrassed by that because I really don't want to be the skitzo chick.
Do you think you could be happy in time? Can you picture yourself happy and content? If so, then you have a bucketload of hope to clutch onto.

Guyver

Seems like we are pretty much in the same boat then, I went 3 days without drinking after suffering severe alcohol withdrawl symptons (2 litres of whiskey or vodka every night) and then stopping. I got detox meds but after 3 days of insomnia being awake 24/7 it felt like literal torture and I gave in, I was beginning to hear music that wasn't there as I was awake so long.

Catch 22 situation indeed.. have you found any way out? I would sure love to know... I can picture myself happy at SOME stage but not in the close future.

wpainterw

Drinking is not an escape. It looks like one, maybe feels like one, but it only makes a person more angry, more upset. It's far better to see a doctor rather than to try to self medicate.

W.

FeelingGreat

I think you are a 'dry drunk' until you tackle the reasons why you were drinking in the first place.

D104

Awesome that you can picture yourself happy. Flipping awesome
I have set my quit date at 1/1/13. I have called AA to find out the nitty gritty and I will go to a meeting to test the waters for myself. I also bought the Allen Carr "easy way to stop drinking" book and currently reading that (you can drink while reading it), I have purchased hypnotherapy apps aimed at stopping drinking, I did (and plan to do again) the avtr crash course (google avtr), I basically live on here 24/7. Addictive personality much haha.
It's comforting to know I am not alone in my heartache and there are lots of good people in the same boat as me, you being one of them.
I post on here a lot. I find it therapeutic. And I want to held accountable come 2013. I dot want to fail the sr team but most importantly I dot want to fail me.
I KNOW alcohol is not my friend and yet I treat it like a goddess.
CBT therapy is another avenue I am looking into.
I may be going into overdrive here but I really don't like to fail at anything and normally I don't. But dagnamit, I am addicted to booze and I don't want to live like this anymore.
Keep posting and unleashing ya hear I feel better based on my posts to you tonight, like a weight has been lifted. It feels refreshing and I hope I am helping you in some way.... Least your not alone hun

Guyver

I am actually starting AA myself for the first time shortly, hopefully it is all it is cracked up to be.. on a more personal level - I am glad you found some comfort in anything I said as I am tired of being the guy who people are afraid of and at least on here I helped someone out on an emotional level and if you ever need any personal chatting please feel free to private message me, it is very welcomed.

I wish you all the best in your getting off the alco - I have no set dates in my mind like you do but I have vague plans to escape this eventually I just need to get off my arse and carry them out. I think a lot of wongs done to me in my past is the cause of my rage and when sober I am a nice guy and sort of anxious around people - when drunk I am looking for a fight and I enjoy the complete power reversal from them to me. My father was exactly the same, a nice man and very anxious while sober but when drunk he would be taking on 5 people at once in a fight and probably winning and intimidating people like hell.. I hope I am not doomed due to DNA lol

All the best love

Lionhearted1

if you dont want to stop than you wont!

D104

I will pm you so count on that I think we can help eachother.
As for being anxious when sober, I truly think that's just because we don't actually know how to be ourselves and comfortable when sober. The drink (demon) fills us with a false sense of security. Makes us doubt ourselves.
We haven't learnt how to deal with true emotions normally (for want of a better word). So we believe that alcohol helps us. It doesn't. You and I know it doesn't but our addiction clouds that logic.
Yet again I am somewhat intoxicated and yet I am having an epiphany. Hope it lasts!
I'm off to sleep now. I'm glad I found you and your post. I'll return in approx 8 hours haha.
Take care and stay safe hun

D104

Oh and I wanted to say that anger is just hurt intensified by 1000. Your hurting and booze brings this hurt out because your inhibitions are numbed.
Man I'm awesome at dishing advice. But taking it is another story lol.
You and I need to work out our hurt/ anger and we will be set I think

Maxwellhouse

When you said sounds like an excuse...........well then it is..the good news is you have already recognized that fact. Now you can make choices that reflect that knowledge.

sugarbear1

Don't know where you are, Guyver, but if you can find a sponsor who knows Back to Basics, I strongly urge you to get with that person....work those steps and rid yourself of your anger. There is hope!

Michael66

Hi Guyver,

You might find the longer to stop drinking for the fewer problems and heightened emotions you have to deal with. I think the challenge for us all is to get through those first days/weeks/months when we're still not on top of things and we've lost the crutch of alcohol. I think you just have to have faith that you will pass through those times and find a much better place.

Speaking personally, I found accepting the idea of life-long sobriety really difficult - in face much more difficult than the then giving up. Now I wouldn't change it for the world, but I still remember how very difficulty facing that decision was at the time.

You're in my thoughts and prayers.