Do you think this is odd??
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
Do you think this is odd??
My husband started seeing a therapist a few weeks ago. He seems to really like him and actually listens to him. He is still going to meetings and has doubled up on them this week after his surgery for his "sports injury" and need for pain meds last week.
The therapist has made many suggestions for him, me and our marriage. For example, we are now walking every evening because it is good exercise for both of us and healthy for our marriage as well. (I have really enjoyed it so far).
The therapist seems like a no nonsense kind of guy, from what I am told. He told my husband to start showing more gratitude and appreciation for me. And wow, he has - a lot!!!!!
He also told my husband he needed to find a passion to wake up to every morning. He needed something to fill the void of taking pills and the passion should start with his wife and family first. I am really liking this therapist.
Anyway, to make a long story longer his therapist wants to meet me in 2 weeks. I know my therapist is just mine. She once stated how would not ever marriage counseling for us but would refer us to someone when I thought I was ready. Do you think it is odd that his therapist wants me to come too??? (My therapist is gone until after the appointment, so I cant ask her).
The therapist has made many suggestions for him, me and our marriage. For example, we are now walking every evening because it is good exercise for both of us and healthy for our marriage as well. (I have really enjoyed it so far).
The therapist seems like a no nonsense kind of guy, from what I am told. He told my husband to start showing more gratitude and appreciation for me. And wow, he has - a lot!!!!!
He also told my husband he needed to find a passion to wake up to every morning. He needed something to fill the void of taking pills and the passion should start with his wife and family first. I am really liking this therapist.
Anyway, to make a long story longer
his therapist wants to meet me in 2 weeks. I know my therapist is just mine. She once stated how would not ever marriage counseling for us but would refer us to someone when I thought I was ready. Do you think it is odd that his therapist wants me to come too??? (My therapist is gone until after the appointment, so I cant ask her).
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 462
my therapist said that part of my therapy to work out why my relationships dont work out, that she would at some point want to meet my partner. that was said from the beginning. i guess it depends on why he is going, and what your AH has asked to get out of the sessions.
but the changes seem like he is going in an awesome direction. hope it continues.
but the changes seem like he is going in an awesome direction. hope it continues.
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
Originally Posted by cynical one 
Personally, I would be very uncomfortable with my husband talking with any of my doctors, or with me talking to any of his. If either of us was physically unable to attend or mentally unable to comprehend, then that would be a different situation. So, yes I do find this odd, unless your husband is in a crisis situation where it would legally require your involvement???
He had wanted to go to marriage counceling and I said no, not until you do individual therapy for a while first and my therpaist agreed. Four visits does not make a while. So I asked him for what?? marriage counseling?? and he said no, that he just wanted to meet and talk to me. To be honest, I am surpised my husband agreed to it.
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Maryland
Posts: 186
Not sure what exactly was said - bur it sounds
More like to meet you not for marriage counseling.
Some therapist like to meet the other.. whether a parent, spouse or adult child. It can assist the therapist in gaining more knowledge about their client... which helps in treatment.
That said i would not go unless both parties are comfortable.
A good therapist would not attempt to counsel you unless you agreed or asked him a direct question.
A good therapist would not discuss your husband's treatment without his approval.
A good therapist would take the opportunity to simple meet you.
Carrie
More like to meet you not for marriage counseling.
Some therapist like to meet the other.. whether a parent, spouse or adult child. It can assist the therapist in gaining more knowledge about their client... which helps in treatment.
That said i would not go unless both parties are comfortable.
A good therapist would not attempt to counsel you unless you agreed or asked him a direct question.
A good therapist would not discuss your husband's treatment without his approval.
A good therapist would take the opportunity to simple meet you.
Carrie
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 654
I have known people who have gone to counseling and after they got comfortable with the counselor and after they figured out what they wanted to get out of the sessions were asked if their partner would come in.
I don't think it is marriage counseling, the therapist might want to just see how you two interact, or just want to talk about general things, or maybe your husband needs to express something to you and the therapist thought it would be good to get those feelings out in the office to help steer the convorsation? Really there could be a million reasons why, and as someone said above you can always call the counselor and just say your husband told you he wanted you to come and you wanted to ask what the appoinment would consist of before you agree or disagree.
I don't think it is marriage counseling, the therapist might want to just see how you two interact, or just want to talk about general things, or maybe your husband needs to express something to you and the therapist thought it would be good to get those feelings out in the office to help steer the convorsation? Really there could be a million reasons why, and as someone said above you can always call the counselor and just say your husband told you he wanted you to come and you wanted to ask what the appoinment would consist of before you agree or disagree.
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 499
I have never had marriage counselling, but it sounds like this isn't supposed to be marriage counselling, so I really don't understand why you would both be there. Therapy is the one place where I can say anything I want about anyone in my life, including my fiance, if necessary; bringing him there would challenge that confidence.
Is the meeting free? Or is it an additional charge now that he would be counselling both of you? Sheesh, I'm a real cynic this morning, I better go walk the dogs.
Is the meeting free? Or is it an additional charge now that he would be counselling both of you? Sheesh, I'm a real cynic this morning, I better go walk the dogs.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
Originally Posted by secondwind
Not sure what exactly was said - bur it sounds
More like to meet you not for marriage counseling.
Some therapist like to meet the other.. whether a parent, spouse or adult child. It can assist the therapist in gaining more knowledge about their client... which helps in treatment.
That said i would not go unless both parties are comfortable.
A good therapist would not attempt to counsel you unless you agreed or asked him a direct question.
A good therapist would not discuss your husband's treatment without his approval.
A good therapist would take the opportunity to simple meet you.
Carrie
More like to meet you not for marriage counseling.
Some therapist like to meet the other.. whether a parent, spouse or adult child. It can assist the therapist in gaining more knowledge about their client... which helps in treatment.
That said i would not go unless both parties are comfortable.
A good therapist would not attempt to counsel you unless you agreed or asked him a direct question.
A good therapist would not discuss your husband's treatment without his approval.
A good therapist would take the opportunity to simple meet you.
Carrie
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Join Date: May 2008
Location: Burnsville, MN
Posts: 966
I know I've encountered times w/my ex, my sister, my son, where their therapist/counselor wanted to met someone else in the persons life - significant other, parent, sibling, etc. It was not an in depth counseling session, more an opportunity for them to meet and get a feel for who the other person in their lives were.
It just doesn't seem as "suspicious" or unusual to me - IMO.
Sounds like things are going in a better direction for the both of you any way - good news!
It just doesn't seem as "suspicious" or unusual to me - IMO.
Sounds like things are going in a better direction for the both of you any way - good news!
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Maryland
Posts: 186
Originally Posted by LoveMeNow
I think my therapist is very good, however she has not ever requested to meet my husband. Maybe that is why I find this an odd request. Maybe its just as simple as ....some do and some don't.
I did not mean all good counselors ask to meet theother party.
I was in therapy - and the counselor asked to meet my kids. He did not make me say thingss in front of them. He didnt have a counseling session in front of them. We played board games and just small talked.another time my mother came with me as i needed to speak to her and felt safein his office to do so.
Another therapist never met my family and that was ok.
Carrie
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 499
Originally Posted by LoveMeNow
lol interbear! Its not free but not an additional cost.
P.S. We missed you last night.
P.S. We missed you last night.
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
Originally Posted by outtolunch
Is your husband aware his therapist has asked to meet with you?
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I'd call and ask what the goal of the session would be, and if you think it's beneficial, then by all means go.
ZoSo
ZoSo
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
I don't really feel a need to call him. For me, it feels like an act of trying to control something. I think it is just something some therapists do and some don't. I just know mine wouldn't do it....so I thought it was kind of odd.
Actually, I am looking forward to meeting his therapist. I am impressed with what my husband has shared about their sessions and after much thought, I feel comfortable with idea of going. I will let you know if I am wrong.
P.S. I just remembered a post - about someone meeting her bf's therapist alone and even over lunch.....And I remember thinking it was not appropriate but this in not the case.
Thank you all for your feedback.
Actually, I am looking forward to meeting his therapist. I am impressed with what my husband has shared about their sessions and after much thought, I feel comfortable with idea of going. I will let you know if I am wrong.
P.S. I just remembered a post - about someone meeting her bf's therapist alone and even over lunch.....And I remember thinking it was not appropriate but this in not the case.
Thank you all for your feedback.
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Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,927
I don't think the request is odd at all.
I've met with all my husbands doctors, starting when he was in rehab.
The doctors concern is for your husband; his patient. It will help him to draw information from you. He may ask you questions, share a generalized plan, but more importantly he will gain insight into the marital relationship, home life, support system your husband has. They are trained to gather information from what is said, what isn’t, body language, etc. He also won't be sharing with you anything your husband hasn't approved in advance, so your not going to be intruding on his privacy.
It also won't be marriage counseling. That is something both people have to want and agree to. It takes honesty and willingness for each person to accept their role and responsibility within the marriage. Its not one-sided, and not something you surprise on someone under pretense of a meet and greet; a reputable doctor would never do that.
I think it's great you are going. It's a sign of support for your husband, and may be helpful to you also. Good Luck.
I've met with all my husbands doctors, starting when he was in rehab.
The doctors concern is for your husband; his patient. It will help him to draw information from you. He may ask you questions, share a generalized plan, but more importantly he will gain insight into the marital relationship, home life, support system your husband has. They are trained to gather information from what is said, what isn’t, body language, etc. He also won't be sharing with you anything your husband hasn't approved in advance, so your not going to be intruding on his privacy.
It also won't be marriage counseling. That is something both people have to want and agree to. It takes honesty and willingness for each person to accept their role and responsibility within the marriage. Its not one-sided, and not something you surprise on someone under pretense of a meet and greet; a reputable doctor would never do that.
I think it's great you are going. It's a sign of support for your husband, and may be helpful to you also. Good Luck.
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Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,384
I don't think it is all that odd. I've met before with my step-daughter's counselor (she was a teen then), and with my AM's counselor. I think in both cases it was for the counselor to see the family dynamic in action. In my AM's case, I think the goal was to help her get along with family members. Although, she didn't really take advantage of the opportunity, because she was more interested in blaming us for her problems.
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