jerect

After 5 1/2 years of living with an addict I will finally be free as my divorce is final tomorrow...

I have feelings of great sadness and a feeling of relief that my nightmare is almost over..

Instead of holding a regret of living with this man for the past 5 years I'm waking away with some valuable lessons.. I have learned so many things about myself through this marriage.. I didn't even know what the term codependency meant before I married him even though I'm the poster child
:-)!! Walking away was hard but saying in this marriage was even harder..

He still has no idea where he is going to live and he's been sleeping in his truck for the past three nights in my driveway.. This just shows me how bad things really are and how things are not going to get better anytime soon.. I told him this morning that tonight he was not sleeping in my yard nor in my house, he was to find somewhere else to go.. I changed the locks this evening and now I'm just waiting on the judge to sign those papers..

I plan on sticking around these boards because I'm still going to need the support system as I begin my process of healing.. I'm not good with boundaries and I'm a "fixer" by nature.. I must keep myself in recovery mode for a long time so that i don't end up in another relationship like this one.. Heck so I don't end up in another relationship at all for a long time ...

Thank you everyone for all the support that has been given to me as I made this difficult transition..

LoveMeNow

Great job and post Jerect!! Thank you for sharing your ESH with us.

Vale

We remembered the 20th......did you remember that
the solstice arrives---- the days start getting longer and
the incredible strength you have shown reclaiming your
life.... is awe inspiring.

Welcome back to life!

There will be joy and sadness-----but respect the
person in the mirror on the 20th--rhe one who
would NOT lower her eyes.

Kindeyes

I remember that sad yet free feeling when I divorced my XAH. It does get better. I learned what I didn't want from that first marriage. I met and married a wonderful man a couple years after my divorce. I've been married to him for 27 years now. I wish good things for you in the future. It does happen.

gentle hugs
ke

Anaya

It's wonderful that you have committed to working on recovery.

Wishing you many good days ahead and strength to stay the course.

Thanks for sharing.

Vale

jerect,
2 days in and we hope things are getting better for you!

jerect

Things are much better for me and much more peaceful.. He is supposed to he coming to get his furniture today... That was supposed to happen last Tuesday then it turned to Thursday and now today.. Typical addict.. As of Thursdays he was still at the mercy of someone's couch.. So glad that addiction is not part of my life anymore... Don't get me wrong, I've shed my share of tears these past few days but its nice to come home to serenity..

The other morning I had a headache so I dug around in my hiding place where I keep my tylenol etc and and then I went to hide it when I was putting it back... I stopped myself and laughed and thought " wow I don't have to do that anymore" I also don't have to hide my tin foil, my lighters for my candles, my toilet paper, my food etc... When I look back I'm aghast at the insanity that i lived in for five years...

The world didn't end on Friday it begin for me!!!!!

lightseeker

Hi Jerect,

I loved your post and appreciate your sharing with all of us. It was what I needed to hear today. I left my husband 19 months ago after a 6 year relationship. Sometimes I get swept up in regrets and your post reminded me to stay in the gratitude of it. So thank you.

I've learned a lot too and sometimes I forget to focus on that. I've stuck around these boards post relationship too and it really helps me. Maybe I don't participate in quite the same way but I've found that I need each of "us" every bit as much as I learn to approach life with the skills that I learned from working my own recovery.

I hope that you continue to find peace and happiness as you move forward. Sending you warm thoughts.

LoveMeNow

Thank you for the update. You have a lot of ESH to share and I am thankful you continue to post it.

Merry Christmas and a very Happy, NEW year. May your path continue to shine brightly.

Vale

I am so glad,jerect.

Whenever I think of how bad it felt being hurt by this addictive evil,
I think to myself....."look at these SR people and the raw courage
they show dealing with this in their primary relationships <parent,
sibling,spouse,child>......I am simply in awe of how much resiliency
and adaptability they display and how effectively they operate in
adverse conditions"

* * * *Visiting SR most days is more invigorating to the human spirit than
reading "the arena" every day (by Teddy Roosevelt)...........

It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.*

Day 4,jerect.......Your courage and fortitude do not go unnoticed to do the hard work
of saying "I will not be treated poorly any more"-----there are so many out there
who have never posted a single word----that you are an inspiration to.
(not just me)
* * **

jerect

Thank you guys.. Thank you very much for your kind words and support..

I found this forum about 5 years ago when I was in despair over discovering that my new husband was an addict.. I was looking for ways to "help" him and along the way I ended up helping myself.. The veterans on here didn't sugar coat things for me and I thank them from the bitten of my heart for that.. Most of you guys are still here with the exemption of Anvil and I hope she is ok because I really miss her words of wisdom.. They were not always pretty words but they were words I needed to hear...

Sticking around is vital for my continuous recovery.. quitting now would be like a diabetic quitting their insulin because they think they have things under control.. Control.. Ahhh.. That's what got me in this mess in the first place... Trying to control someone else's outcome and their addiction, managing their life while forgetting my own...

For the newbies out there struggling to deal with an addict in your life.. Read, read and read some more and take a deep breath and start focussing on you.. for the veterans , I can't thank you guys enough for your wise words, tough love and support..

Happy Holidays my SR friends

LoveMeNow

Last night, I had such terrible insomnia that I sat up and read and read until 5:00am this monring. I read many of your posts, along with Callie's. You have come a long way but you made it across the bridge to other side. (That's my visual - compliments to Kindeyes).

Keep your light shining bright. Many of us have just started our journey and need the light to help us find our way. Thank you for staying and sharing. I really does help!

God Bless you! You should be very proud of yourself! (I now know better then to say "I am proud of you" thanks to Cynical One, lol)

Ann

Merry Christmas, Jerect, and may the new year bring you many blessings and new beginnings.

Hugs