December 19
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: San Diego
Posts: 4,451
December 19
Two years ago today I quit drinking. Thanks for being there, SR!
I don’t have any tips for newcomers beyond the usual advice about keeping an open mind, believing in yourself, and committing 100% to whatever approach you choose.
But for what it’s worth, I thought I might be able to offer a little reassurance. Because when I look back on my decision to quit, I’m most struck by how terrifying the whole idea seemed—and how utterly unfounded all of my fears turned out to be.
To wit:
• I thought life would be harder without alcohol. How would I relax after work? Of course now I see now how ridiculous that is. I mean, relaxing? By the end, I had to drink to keep my hands from trembling. I began to check my eyes for signs of jaundice. I fantasized about making videos that my daughter could play after I was dead, so she’d know how much I loved her. I’d wake up, vow to quit… and then spend the day obsessing over my next drink. You know... so I could relax and enjoy myself some more... Crazy, huh?
• I thought I needed alcohol to socialize. That sounds as insane to me now as the whole “relaxing” thing. At one time drinks might have been a social lubricant, but those days were long gone. I usually drank at home alone. I bowed out of countless social events because they didn’t involve drinking. Even if they did, I didn’t want to go because I’d have to restrain myself (and we all know how fun that is). Sometimes I’d go anyway, have a beer or two, then bid my friends goodbye so I could go home and drink my fill in secrecy. That was the most isolating part of it—to be living a perpetual lie. Wherever I went, I felt like I was playing a role, pretending to be someone I wasn’t. I couldn’t chat about the weather without feeling like a fraud. I felt alone even when I wasn’t.
• I thought alcohol enhanced life’s little moments. Sunsets, music—somehow it all became associated with booze. Quitting in late December, the holidays loomed especially large. In a way I felt like I was giving up Christmas and New Year’s. But two years later, I find myself more sentimental about holidays than ever. Decorating the tree, listening to Nat King Cole—it’s all so serene and magical. Which makes perfect sense, really. That’s how Christmas felt when I was a kid. Back then, it never occurred to me that I needed a drink to enjoy it. Guess what? I don’t.
All of my fears—all the stuff I thought I was giving up—turned out to be an illusion. Quitting hasn’t been a sacrifice at all; just the opposite, actually. These past two years I went to more concerts, spent more time hanging out with friends, and have been more relaxed and contented than I ever imagined.
This isn’t about giving stuff up. It’s about getting stuff back. “Recovery” is the perfect word for it.
I don’t have any tips for newcomers beyond the usual advice about keeping an open mind, believing in yourself, and committing 100% to whatever approach you choose.
But for what it’s worth, I thought I might be able to offer a little reassurance. Because when I look back on my decision to quit, I’m most struck by how terrifying the whole idea seemed—and how utterly unfounded all of my fears turned out to be.
To wit:
• I thought life would be harder without alcohol. How would I relax after work? Of course now I see now how ridiculous that is. I mean, relaxing? By the end, I had to drink to keep my hands from trembling. I began to check my eyes for signs of jaundice. I fantasized about making videos that my daughter could play after I was dead, so she’d know how much I loved her. I’d wake up, vow to quit… and then spend the day obsessing over my next drink. You know... so I could relax and enjoy myself some more... Crazy, huh?
• I thought I needed alcohol to socialize. That sounds as insane to me now as the whole “relaxing” thing. At one time drinks might have been a social lubricant, but those days were long gone. I usually drank at home alone. I bowed out of countless social events because they didn’t involve drinking. Even if they did, I didn’t want to go because I’d have to restrain myself (and we all know how fun that is). Sometimes I’d go anyway, have a beer or two, then bid my friends goodbye so I could go home and drink my fill in secrecy. That was the most isolating part of it—to be living a perpetual lie. Wherever I went, I felt like I was playing a role, pretending to be someone I wasn’t. I couldn’t chat about the weather without feeling like a fraud. I felt alone even when I wasn’t.
• I thought alcohol enhanced life’s little moments. Sunsets, music—somehow it all became associated with booze. Quitting in late December, the holidays loomed especially large. In a way I felt like I was giving up Christmas and New Year’s. But two years later, I find myself more sentimental about holidays than ever. Decorating the tree, listening to Nat King Cole—it’s all so serene and magical. Which makes perfect sense, really. That’s how Christmas felt when I was a kid. Back then, it never occurred to me that I needed a drink to enjoy it. Guess what? I don’t.
All of my fears—all the stuff I thought I was giving up—turned out to be an illusion. Quitting hasn’t been a sacrifice at all; just the opposite, actually. These past two years I went to more concerts, spent more time hanging out with friends, and have been more relaxed and contented than I ever imagined.
This isn’t about giving stuff up. It’s about getting stuff back. “Recovery” is the perfect word for it.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,564
Ready - I love this - thank you so much for putting your feelings out there for others to benefit from. I agree completely with each one of your points. Eloquently put, and so helpful.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Silver Spring, Maryland
Posts: 198
Thank you! I have 7 days and am very worried about holidays and events. Not sure how to live without alcohol. Thinking it wont be fun... lol but how is anything fun if I dont remember it?? So i will keep your post in mind. Today is a hard day for some reason
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 48
Ready, thank you for this post! I am fighting the old beast right now at day 12, wondering about the holidays, telling myself I can binge once every two weeks, etc.
Then I read this post. Wow, what a splash of water right in my face! I did the paranoid jaundice eye check. I thought about dying before my boy would grow up. Was it all in my head? Probably. Likely. But I quit precisely because of the anxiety in my head making me INSANE with worry, doubt, depression and fear.
Man, this came at a good time. I will now be fine for the next 24 hours...remembering why I quit in the first place.
Then I read this post. Wow, what a splash of water right in my face! I did the paranoid jaundice eye check. I thought about dying before my boy would grow up. Was it all in my head? Probably. Likely. But I quit precisely because of the anxiety in my head making me INSANE with worry, doubt, depression and fear.
Man, this came at a good time. I will now be fine for the next 24 hours...remembering why I quit in the first place.
This was a real doozy of a post and SO true! Thanks for being here and huge congratulations on 2 years!!:ghug3
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