bamboo10

So he is out of rehab. It was only a two week program which was not ideal but something is better than nothing right?

Im trying to stay positive. I keep reminding myself one day at a time. However, I made it clear that if he starts drinking again im gone. So now I feel like I am just waiting for it to happen-like im waiting to have to leave. Im so guarded. I mean we have been down this road before. Not so far as going to rehab but still. I feel like I have lost a lot of patience as well. I am trying so hard to be patient, but its tough. I just want him to be all better and be open with me. I know he is an amazing guy-I just want that to come back-easier said than done huh? All better overnight-wishful thinking right?

I don't know. I guess I feel like im still so young. Do I want this the rest of my life? No not really. Not if he is drinking. But I love him. At least I think I do. I havent been in love before. He is my first love. I cant imagine my life without him. I love every minute that Im with him. When we are apart though my mind cant help but wonder if maybe this isnt right? Idk. My head and my heart dont speak to each other very often.

I guess im just frustrated. I want what we had in the beginning. I want my best friend back.

Sungrl

Hi Bamboo. I am here reading on SR first thing this morning because I too have my guy freash out of rehad as of December first. My story is not a happy one. He is drinking again full force. He has a job, and that seems to be going well,but in time who knows. I wish I could be more positive for you and I wish you both the best. I figured this would happen, he wasn't working any program. It breaks my heart but my boundary as well was if he drinks again I'm gone. Hope I can stick to that. He has a way of sneaking back into my heart everytime. Please don't let your guard down. I will think of you today. I figure he will call soon and try to settle things down. I doubt he remembers much about the evening. I gave him back his keys and he wasn't pleased. Good luck to you guys. I can't ride the roller coaster anymore. Thanks to SR I have learned I come first, so do you. Remember that.

bamboo10

Thanks Sungrl. He is working the aa program-though I'm by sure if He is working the steps or just going through the motions. He wanted to get back into the iop program he did months ago and was really excited to go back to that but the rehab sucked and didn't set it up so he can't start until jan. he told me he hasn't been able to come to terms with step one of aa yet. I wanted to slap him and be like really-you aren't powerless over alcohol and your life isn't unmanageable? You idiot lol.

Sungrl

Denial I guess. I got the phone call I knew would come. He callled about a half hour ago. Left a VM apologizing that he is so sorry for being a jerk. He had a bad day, but that is no excuse. He is sorry he hurt my feelings. Quack I guess. I do hope your story has a happy ending. I think my guy is just an unhappy jerk who will always turn to alcohol for everyhthing everytime. I cant compete with that.

Milly39

My AH went to a 30 day in patient treatment centre on 2 different occasions and after both I was like you waiting for him to start drinking - after the first it happened after 6 months ....after the 2nd, he drank 6 weeks later. It was after that, that I decided I couldnt live like that anymore....it felt like at least when he was drinking, I knew where he was and what he was doing....when he was sober I was just waiting for something to happen.
Listen to your head - I listened to my heart too long - but finally after 11 years of marriage and 20 years of being together, I made him leave.
We are a year seperated now and I don't regret a single day of life without him

Hang in there - the answer will come to you when you are ready to make it

bamboo10

I guess the main thing is I'm just afraid. I'm scared. I'm scared he will relapse. I'm scared I will have to leave him. I'm scared.

Sungrl

it is scary. I agree. The one thing I don't get about my situation is that I have 3 super kids. I have a home I love to be in. It's cozy and I'm proud of it. I have a job that I absolutly loooove and my co workers are family. I have a great mom , dad, and brothers. I have the sweetest kitty ever. I have been a single self sufficient mom for years.Why do I feel I need an alcoholic in my life? One who can barely keep a job, has no car. I mean he has a great heart in there somewhere, but I just don't get it. Do you want to spend the rest of your exsistance scared?? I don't. I can't. The last two years have left me drained in a way I didn't think possible. All for someone who can never truly love me back. He says he does, he may even think he does. One thing you will read on SR over and over is actions speak volumes, words mean nothing.

Punkin50

I know the feeling all of you are talking about. I have been in a relationship for almost two years. We was married nine months and then I divorced him. Of course a couple of months later I was totally convienced he was on the road to recovery and I moved back in. I may have been back two weeks and what happens? RIGHT only he tried to cut his wrist, so they put him in a place for three days. I was determined then I had enough!! He like most alcholics is the best man in the world when he is not drinking, but I know it isn't IF it is going to happen again, but WHEN. I am tired of living my life that way and I can't honestly say I LOVE him like I once did. Yes, I care what happens, but I hope anyone in this situation realizes they have a right to a good life as well and I don't see that living with any alcholic. I know leaving for any of us would not be easy, but in the long run the quality of life we will have would be worth the pain to get there. All of you are in my prayers.

Rosiepetal

Young or old, living with an alcoholic, active or recovering is hard work.
Actions speak louder than words & if actions fail then save yourself.
Yes take one day at a time for now.
Sometimes we love them but we still have to let them go.
So sorry you're going through this, I know it's hard.
Hugs :ghug3

NYCDoglvr

I can relate to your feelings since I went through this a while back. Alanon is incredible support, especially at a time like this. Right now you're holding your breath to see what HE does, which isn't a good place to be in. I don't know you but I'm sure you deserve better than what you're getting.

bamboo10

Unfortunatly, I know I deserve better than I am getting as well. At this point I am very torn on whether I want to stay or not. I'm not going to make any decisions until after the knew year though. I wont do it before Christmas and shortly after is his birthday. I would never end things during those times especially while he is working the beginning of recovery. So I will wait and see how I feel then. I am reading "getting them sober" right now and that is helpful as well as here and Al-Anon. I also think I found someone at my favorite meeting that I want to ask to be my sponsor. I wish his mom would read/go to meetings and learn more. I feel like she pushes a lot especially right now and that isnt helping. When he is under a microscope it stresses him out more. I have held back from asking if he has gone to a meeting since he got out. It's the first question I want to ask but I know that it wont do him or I any good to ask it.