LoveMeNow

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go

Staying Open to Our Feelings

Many of us have gotten so good at following the "don't feel" rule that we can try to talk ourselves out of having feelings, even in recovery.

"If I was really working a good program, I wouldn't feel angry."

"I don't get angry. I'm a Christian. I forgive and forget."

"I'm not angry. I'm affirming that I'm happy."

These are all statements, some of them quite clever, that indicate we're operating under the "don't feel" rule again.

Part of working a good program means acknowledging and dealing with our feelings. We strive to accept and deal with our anger so it doesn't harden into resentments. We don't use recovery as an excuse to shut down our emotions.

Yes, we are striving for forgiveness, but we still want to feel, listen to, and stay with our feelings until it is time to release them appropriately. Our Higher Power created the emotional part of ourselves. God is not telling us to not feel; it's our dysfunctional systems.

We also need to be careful how we use affirmations; discounting our emotions won't make feelings go away. If we're angry, it's okay to have that feeling. That's part of how we get and stay healthy.

Today, I will refuse to accept shame from others or myself for feeling my feelings.

LoveMeNow

Wow, this is exactly what my therapist and I talked about yesterday. I think God thought I needed a reminder!!

Freedom1990

I needed this reading today too.

I think anger has been the most challenging feeling for me to deal with in recovery.

I still have a tendency to "stuff" anger till I blow.

I grew up in a household where it wasn't 'okay' to be angry, yet it was always there under the surface now that I look back.

Thanks again so much for posting these readings, dear!

helpme33

I think many of us, especially wome, were taught to hide anger and always be pleasant.

Even at work is a woman became angry and expressed it she was a b**** where it was OK for a man to act the same way. He was just blowing off steam!

bluebelle

I have a hard time feeling anger or expressing it. My AM rages, and I think I really didn't want to have those kinds of anger problems. I think it is good to remember that feelings are just that--they aren't wrong and they don't have to be acted on. I don't really think that I don't feel anger. I probably just suppress it to the point that I don't feel anything. I've read that this can lead to problems wi depression and anxiety plus somatic complaints (headaches, stomach problems, etc.). That sounds a lot like me.

Anaya

Thanks for the thread, LMN! This week, I've been angry about things (mostly out of my control) going on in the workplace and this post is timely and helpful.