PippiLngstockng

Hi friends,

Day 3 and already visiting AH has broken every agreement.

He was told to go to the police on the day he arrived. He decided to go 2 days later.

He won't specify how long he is staying or where.

He won't make a plan ahead of time for when or what he wants to do on visits with the children.

He is lurking near the apartment - although he hasn't entered.

He is sending me 5 emails a day wanting me to help!!! him with his relations with the police...

Can you believe this guy?!

I saw my domestic violence advocate this morning and she thinks the signs are very bad. She thinks he is going to have a mental explosion and wind up hospitalized - which, she says, might be for the best in the long run, as he would get the care he needs.

He can not tell me right now whether he is leaving in 3 days or 26.

But what is up with this? He is working away very effectively it seems and the facade at work is firmly in place. It is a wonder how he can act like such a mess and be succeeding otherwise.

He looks terrible to me. His hands were shaking so badly in the taxi that he couldn't pay the driver. He can not keep to a conversation and interrrupts the children constantly. He takes pictures of weird things and doesn't seem to notice how others react to him.

So I scrambled all day to pull together every last document so my lawyer will go to the judge here and get me a serious variety of protective order. Will my lawyer get to it already?! He wanted to play hard for my AH to give his written agreement to stay in a hotel and meet up wth the children and I for visits. Well, great if it works. But we appear to not be dealing with Mr. Reliable over here. So hurry up lawyer and help me please!!!

I want to tell AH to go ahead and take the Thursday flight back over the deep blue sea but what good would that do anyway? Maybe I should tell him not to and he will.

I think it is looking like I am going to be asking for an emergency legal separation. Ugh for the children though. All I want is to protect them from further madness and uncertainty so we can have a nice Christmas.

And start divorce proceedings in the new year.

I know it is hard for you all to advise me when I have to keep my location a mystery. i am not being coy, just cautious.

But your feedback really helps me keep upright.

PippiLngstockng

Oh, and I know I sound heartless. It is like I am losing the ability to feel any emotion anymore. Like this is my regular 9 to 5 job or something.

I actually, when I have time for emotion, feel really horrified for my AH. I am deeply troubled by all of our friends and family who are suffering in this. For my children I always have emotion, though, and it is like I have stepped into parenting hell, where every moment of the billions of beautiful moments I have had with the chidren are all being erased by one awful awful series of events and the domestic violence advocate seems to think I am powerless to stop this train wreck in the making.

Who am I that sounds so tough? I don't know myself any longer and this can not possibly be my life.

Sorry, I am a roller coaster and I am not ask,ing any of you to join me on this.

But thanks for being there, too.

Hopeworks

How are the kids doing through all of this? Are they enjoying seeing their dad? Are they aware of the tension between the both of you?

If they are struggling I hope you will consider counseling for them with a great child therapist who knows addiction. It is so important that they are shielded from as much craziness as you can ... they need to know that both parents love them and they are not responsible for anything gone wrong.

You are in my thoughts and prayers during this tough time.

lillamy

You don't sound heartless. You sound like a healthy-thinking adult who is doing whatever she can to protect herself and her children. Stick to that path.

PohsFriend

Pip - ask the VA if your area has facilities for supervised visits. In some areas a parent can drop the kids off, the other parent shows up, gets a breathalyzer if appropriate and is expected to follow the rules. If they do not, visiting ends.

Are you in an area that takes DV seriously?

I have a lot more experience dealing with crazy than with alcoholism, I don't like that he is unable to comply with things like checking in with the police or staying away from the apartment. I would ask the victim advocate to talk to the DV unit and see if they can have a car go by more frequently.

Can you expand upon 'lurking'?


He's supposed to check in - nope
He's supposed to stay away - nope
He's supposed to share his itinerary - nope

As you say, he breaks every agreement. Defiance? Or more like he doesn't understand the rules?

Has he ever been diagnosed with a mental disorder? Formally - not like your therapist or aunt Peggy thinks he has one... Testing and diagnosis by a qualified doc.

Who says he is doing fine at work?

Don't refrain from doing whatever you must just because it is Christmas and you want it to be nice, many sick people get much worse this time of year. Follow your gut, not the calendar

SoaringSpirits

You don't sound heartless at all, you sound like an intelligent, caring woman who is taking care of business and doing what it takes to protect herself and her kids.

One hour at a time...hang in there. You are doing good.

laurie6781

(((((pippi)))))

Far from sounding cold and heartless, you sound like a very sane woman who is
trying at ALL costs to protect her children.

I agree it is time to get 'demanding' with your attorney and get this taken care of
now. He is doing the typical A things, ignoring agreements, "they weren't meant
for him" in his mind. IN his mind he is invincible and can do whatever he wants.

So I know this is hard, but if you can, in whatever room you are in when these
'waves' come over you, picture the WHOLE ROOM filled with us folks here at SR.
We are walking with you in spirit, and sometimes that mental picture can help an
individual a lot to get re-centered.

Sending lots of love and bunches of hugs,