going to my first alanon meeting
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 8
going to my first alanon meeting
tonight.
My husband hasn't had a drink in 30 years, but I am so tired.
When we try to talk about feelings, every conversation ends up a lecture about his or his father's alcoholism.
I am tired of being treated like a small child. He doesn't think I should go to Bible Study (or help decorate for Christmas or go to Mass more than once a week or go to the adoration chapel to pray or pray the Rosary with a group of women or meet a friend for coffee or listen to Christmas music at church or do anything he doesn't approve of).
He has abdicated his position in the family for 18 years, and now he is mad at me that I have taken it over. His idea of "leading the family" is sitting in the corner watching TV and telling me what I can and cannot do.
I am so tired. He has made the issues about a dozen things....me neglecting 'the family' (him), the cost of gas that it takes to get to these events, the never-ending list of things that doesn't get done around the house during the 90 minutes I am doing something for myself or someone else, my safety, etc. Now it is because I have "the hots" for the priest. He is jealous of anything that is not him. Spare me.
I am so angry. So lacking in any compassion for him and his needs. He is trying to make me into a co-dependent whatever. God did not make me to be a doormat.
My husband hasn't had a drink in 30 years, but I am so tired.
When we try to talk about feelings, every conversation ends up a lecture about his or his father's alcoholism.
I am tired of being treated like a small child. He doesn't think I should go to Bible Study (or help decorate for Christmas or go to Mass more than once a week or go to the adoration chapel to pray or pray the Rosary with a group of women or meet a friend for coffee or listen to Christmas music at church or do anything he doesn't approve of).
He has abdicated his position in the family for 18 years, and now he is mad at me that I have taken it over. His idea of "leading the family" is sitting in the corner watching TV and telling me what I can and cannot do.
I am so tired. He has made the issues about a dozen things....me neglecting 'the family' (him), the cost of gas that it takes to get to these events, the never-ending list of things that doesn't get done around the house during the 90 minutes I am doing something for myself or someone else, my safety, etc. Now it is because I have "the hots" for the priest. He is jealous of anything that is not him. Spare me.
I am so angry. So lacking in any compassion for him and his needs. He is trying to make me into a co-dependent whatever. God did not make me to be a doormat.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 62
Welcome! Many of us can relate. We all have similar yet unique stories. You'll find this site very helpful. There's much wisdom here. I'm sure many will come along with some great suggestions that you'll find helpful. This site helped me detach and start focusing on myself and my needs. It's made a big difference for me. I'm also reading , "Why does he do that ? Inside the mind of angry and controlling men" by Lundy Bancroft . It's been very eye opening and helpful. Welcome and may you find comfort knowing you're not alone.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 8
Thanks for the book recommendation, grammyB. It sounds right up my alley. I think for many years I have done fairly well being detached and making a life for myself and my boys. Hasn't been the best marriage, but it hasn't been a bad life. Now anything I want to do for myself is suddenly destructive to our marriage.
The meeting was good. I could relate to some of what was said. The idea of maintaining boundaries, a "line of scrimmage" and to guard against being pushed backwards. Not establishing boundaries because of fear.
I will go again. Probably to that one, but also to some others.
The meeting was good. I could relate to some of what was said. The idea of maintaining boundaries, a "line of scrimmage" and to guard against being pushed backwards. Not establishing boundaries because of fear.
I will go again. Probably to that one, but also to some others.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 94
Welcome Courage. I too am getting started with Al Anon. I have been attending for a few months, but not consistently. Recently, I am increasing my meetings and that makes a huge difference. The most remarkable thing I have learned is how much the principles of Al Anon can help in all areas of life (as they say)!
I hear the old timers talk and I see the glimmers of some peace that I would like to have. So that keeps me going.
The Al Anon literature has been a lifeline to me when I am home or on the bus or in a cafe.
I hear the old timers talk and I see the glimmers of some peace that I would like to have. So that keeps me going.
The Al Anon literature has been a lifeline to me when I am home or on the bus or in a cafe.
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