Starting to gain an understanding of what i've put others through
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Australia
Posts: 346
Starting to gain an understanding of what i've put others through
I've been living in supported accommodation for 2 months. We had a new housemate join us just shy of two weeks ago. Part of the contractual agreement is that for the first 30 days, we are home by a certain time on weeknights and weekends-no staying out, or having other people stay here in that period.
On Saturday night, I came back late after my little sister's concert and noticed the driveway was a car short. Whatever had happened, the new person wasn't here. The next morning, still absent. She had been fretting about her phone not properly working on saturday at some point-I wasn't privy to this conversation-and by 1:30pm yesterday, I started to get really anxious. Her behaviour on Thursday night didn't sit well with me and made me uneasy.
I made phone calls that covered 7 hospitals and she wasn't a patient. Phew! By 7pm yesterday, we'd reached the consensus that we should get in touch with her emergency contact. Turns out, she'd written her car off and had a few drinks. My inner skeptic (realist?) doesn't know which came first and in some ways, it doesn't matter.
This differs from the first time someone in the house relapsed. I saw the look of shame and embarrassment on this girl's face and I honestly took stock of what I was doing-or not-for my recovery. It was helpful.
I can't see it now, but i'm sure this relapse will be beneficial for me, too. What surprised me was the fear of not knowing-and the fear that she might return intoxicated and cause harm to my housemates or myself-what was going on really outweighed everything else. This-in part-is a projection, or an extension of my behaviour that went on when I was drinking.
Now i'm just angry, and for the most part, it's for a selfish reason. I'm very frustrated that the house isn't "whole" and there are 3 of us who have plugged along and tried our best to better ourselves and strengthen our sobriety. As i'm typing this, I know I should be grateful for the other two girls, but i'm letting myself become really annoyed by someone else's relapse. Time for the serenity prayer, and a prayer for her, I think. The only downside to supported accommodation that i've experienced thus far.
Thanks for letting me share
On Saturday night, I came back late after my little sister's concert and noticed the driveway was a car short. Whatever had happened, the new person wasn't here. The next morning, still absent. She had been fretting about her phone not properly working on saturday at some point-I wasn't privy to this conversation-and by 1:30pm yesterday, I started to get really anxious. Her behaviour on Thursday night didn't sit well with me and made me uneasy.
I made phone calls that covered 7 hospitals and she wasn't a patient. Phew! By 7pm yesterday, we'd reached the consensus that we should get in touch with her emergency contact. Turns out, she'd written her car off and had a few drinks. My inner skeptic (realist?) doesn't know which came first and in some ways, it doesn't matter.
This differs from the first time someone in the house relapsed. I saw the look of shame and embarrassment on this girl's face and I honestly took stock of what I was doing-or not-for my recovery. It was helpful.
I can't see it now, but i'm sure this relapse will be beneficial for me, too. What surprised me was the fear of not knowing-and the fear that she might return intoxicated and cause harm to my housemates or myself-what was going on really outweighed everything else. This-in part-is a projection, or an extension of my behaviour that went on when I was drinking.
Now i'm just angry, and for the most part, it's for a selfish reason. I'm very frustrated that the house isn't "whole" and there are 3 of us who have plugged along and tried our best to better ourselves and strengthen our sobriety. As i'm typing this, I know I should be grateful for the other two girls, but i'm letting myself become really annoyed by someone else's relapse. Time for the serenity prayer, and a prayer for her, I think. The only downside to supported accommodation that i've experienced thus far.
Thanks for letting me share
Not Alone
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: South East UK
Posts: 1,513
Hey Quinne,
As much as I don't like saying this I say it all the time. 'We would all rather someone else relapse than us'. I've heard it said in meetings and it is bloody true. There's nothing more beneficial to me than seeing someone come into a meeting all broken and torn. And when I look at them I just see me over and over again in every single persons face.
The only thing we can do for these people is pray for them. They say relapse is one of the bits of recovery that has to happen. It had to happen to me several times. I'm grateful it did because it got me putting the effort into my recovery that I do now. It is selfish for you to be annoyed that the house isn't 'balanced' but you should feel so so grateful that it wasn't you.
Natom.
As much as I don't like saying this I say it all the time. 'We would all rather someone else relapse than us'. I've heard it said in meetings and it is bloody true. There's nothing more beneficial to me than seeing someone come into a meeting all broken and torn. And when I look at them I just see me over and over again in every single persons face.
The only thing we can do for these people is pray for them. They say relapse is one of the bits of recovery that has to happen. It had to happen to me several times. I'm grateful it did because it got me putting the effort into my recovery that I do now. It is selfish for you to be annoyed that the house isn't 'balanced' but you should feel so so grateful that it wasn't you.
Natom.
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