Did my heroin addict boyfriend plan to use me from the start?
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 12
Did my heroin addict boyfriend plan to use me from the start?
Okay so I started seeing a good looking guy only to find that he was a heroin user (active) he was determined to quit and wanted a better life. He'd already lost 2 children to social services on 2 seperate occasions and I thought i could help him............. long story short..... he stole from me, lied to me and probably cheated.
He convinced me for 6 months though and I fell for it because I loved him. Kept taking him back because he said and did finally go on subutex. Then I found a chewed up subutex in his pocket....
What I'm left with now is thinking did he plan to steal from me from the start, would he of been with his other heroin user friends saying things like 'i'm gonna steal from her, she's falling for it all, she thinks she can change me' would he of been laughing at me or would he have stole in a spur of the moment kind of thing (money from purse, bedroom, table).
Or would he of had/been able to feel any kind of feelings for me. He kept begging me to give him another go and he'd start being honest with me but lied again.
Any recovered heroin users out there? please be honest with me, it'll keep me strong.. Thankyou
He convinced me for 6 months though and I fell for it because I loved him. Kept taking him back because he said and did finally go on subutex. Then I found a chewed up subutex in his pocket....
What I'm left with now is thinking did he plan to steal from me from the start, would he of been with his other heroin user friends saying things like 'i'm gonna steal from her, she's falling for it all, she thinks she can change me' would he of been laughing at me or would he have stole in a spur of the moment kind of thing (money from purse, bedroom, table).
Or would he of had/been able to feel any kind of feelings for me. He kept begging me to give him another go and he'd start being honest with me but lied again.
Any recovered heroin users out there? please be honest with me, it'll keep me strong.. Thankyou
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 12
Originally Posted by Xune 
I don't see how any former addicts could possibly speak to the internal motivations of another, one whom they've never even met?
To me, the more important question is;
" What do you think?"
To me, the more important question is;
" What do you think?"
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 929
Originally Posted by MissUdad
I know people are different and all that. But heroin is the same, and if two people are on the same drug-heroin i imagine the one goal they share is more important than anything else or anyone. And wondered if this is usually the way heroin addicts speak to eachother... or is there 'some' love in there somewhere....
...not falling down them
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 1,200
I don't doubt that there is a kind of love, but what if you took the heroin out of the equation, how would it be?
Heroin addiction is like, the person is in a bubble and they want to stay there.
Most of their energy is spent obtaining the drug then they want to be in their bubble, i.e, a place to crash, eat, watch tv, listen to music, without actually paying rent or any such thing since their money goes to their drugs. Their money, your money, your stuff that they can sell, etc. It's as if they live in an alternate reality.
This is just my experience from seeing family members go through it and being stolen from and having people here who won't leave my home without police encouragement.
Also it's not uncommon for heroin addicts to have hep C or STD's.
I'm not trying to be negative or rude here. Seriously, wishing you the best.
I realize he's probably a sweetheart and you love having him around mostly but please really think about what you could be getting into.
Just my experience.
Heroin addiction is like, the person is in a bubble and they want to stay there.
Most of their energy is spent obtaining the drug then they want to be in their bubble, i.e, a place to crash, eat, watch tv, listen to music, without actually paying rent or any such thing since their money goes to their drugs. Their money, your money, your stuff that they can sell, etc. It's as if they live in an alternate reality.
This is just my experience from seeing family members go through it and being stolen from and having people here who won't leave my home without police encouragement.
Also it's not uncommon for heroin addicts to have hep C or STD's.
I'm not trying to be negative or rude here. Seriously, wishing you the best.
I realize he's probably a sweetheart and you love having him around mostly but please really think about what you could be getting into.
Just my experience.
Getting there!!
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
I think it's more important for you ask yourself some hard questions like...what were you getting out of that relationship?? What need did it fill for you?? Why were you trying to save, fix or control someone else? Codependents believe their acts are very loving and unselfish, however, there is nothing loving or unselfish about trying to fix or control another person. I used think I could save people too. I had zero qualifications, zero expertize in addiction, I just had a big ego.
You will never know his true motives or feelings, but you can know yours. You can fix yourself. Until you do, you can expect more of the same kind of relationships, different but very much the same. JMO based on my ESH!!
You will never know his true motives or feelings, but you can know yours. You can fix yourself. Until you do, you can expect more of the same kind of relationships, different but very much the same. JMO based on my ESH!!
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Warren
Posts: 27
My daughter is a recovering addict.. I went to rehab WITH her for almost 8 months this is what I learned from listening...
MANIPULATION is what a addict is best at... My daughter once told me when she was clean she loved me (and may I add she stole everything that wasn't nailed down) the entire time she was doing these horrible things BUT SHE LOVED THE HEROIN MORE... Honesty might break the heart BUT truth is always better.. He has to want to stop he has to get to the point where he don't want it anymore. Until then HE DON'T KNOW REAL LOVE.. Being a ENABLER is the worse thing u can do I WAS a enabler... Now she knows IF SHE EVER GOES BACK TO DRUGS I WILL LOVE HER FROM A FAR....
HERE'S A SAYING LIVE BY IT..
I WILL LOVE U FOREVER BUT I WONT LOVE U TO DEATH.
U might not ever know his real feelings until he is clean. I know that isnt what u wanted to hear, but PLEASE listen to me when a person is a addict nothing else matters.. I am going to post u a poem and it explains things in a very clear way.. Stay strong u will be ok xoxo
MANIPULATION is what a addict is best at... My daughter once told me when she was clean she loved me (and may I add she stole everything that wasn't nailed down) the entire time she was doing these horrible things BUT SHE LOVED THE HEROIN MORE... Honesty might break the heart BUT truth is always better.. He has to want to stop he has to get to the point where he don't want it anymore. Until then HE DON'T KNOW REAL LOVE.. Being a ENABLER is the worse thing u can do I WAS a enabler... Now she knows IF SHE EVER GOES BACK TO DRUGS I WILL LOVE HER FROM A FAR....
HERE'S A SAYING LIVE BY IT..
I WILL LOVE U FOREVER BUT I WONT LOVE U TO DEATH.
U might not ever know his real feelings until he is clean. I know that isnt what u wanted to hear, but PLEASE listen to me when a person is a addict nothing else matters.. I am going to post u a poem and it explains things in a very clear way.. Stay strong u will be ok xoxo
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Warren
Posts: 27
HERE IS THE POEM....
Hello, my name is DRUGS - I destroy homes, tear families apart, take your children, and that's just the start. I'm more costly than diamonds, more costly than gold, the sorrow I bring is a sight to behold. And if you need me, remember I'm easily found, I live all around you, in schools and in town. I live with the rich, I live with the poor, I live down the street, and maybe next door. My power is awesome; try me, you'll see. But if you do, you may NEVER break free. Just try me once and I might let you go, but try me twice, and I'll own your soul. When I possess you, you'll steal and you'll lie. You do what you have to just to get high. The crimes you'll commit, for my narcotic charms will be worth the pleasure you'll feel in my arms. You'll lie to your mother; you'll steal from your dad. When you see their tears, you should feel sad. But you'll forget your morals and how you were raised, I'll be your conscience,I'll teach you my ways. I take kids from parents, and parents from kids, I turn people from god, and separate friends. I'll take everything from you, your looks and your pride, I'll be with you always, right by your side. You'll give up everything... your family, your home... your friends, your money, then you'll be alone. I'll take and take, till you have nothing more to give. When I'm finished with you you'll be lucky to live. If you try me be warned this is no game. If given the chance, I'll drive you insane. I'll ravish your body; I'll control your mind. I'll own you completely; your soul will be mine. The nightmares I'll give you while lying in bed, the voices you'll hear from inside your head. The sweats, the shakes, the visions you'll see; I want you to know, these are all gifts from me. But then it's too late, and you'll know in your heart, that you are mine, and we shall not part. You'll regret that you tried me, they always do, but you came to me, not I to you. You knew this would happen. Many times you were told, but you challenged my power, and chose to be bold. You could have said no, and just walked away. If you could live that day over, now what would you say? I'll be your master; you will be my slave, I'll even go with you, when you go to your grave. Now that you have met me , what will you do? Will you try me or not? Its all up to you. I can bring you more misery than words can tell. Come take my hand, LET ME LEAD YOU TO HELL.
Hello, my name is DRUGS - I destroy homes, tear families apart, take your children, and that's just the start. I'm more costly than diamonds, more costly than gold, the sorrow I bring is a sight to behold. And if you need me, remember I'm easily found, I live all around you, in schools and in town. I live with the rich, I live with the poor, I live down the street, and maybe next door. My power is awesome; try me, you'll see. But if you do, you may NEVER break free. Just try me once and I might let you go, but try me twice, and I'll own your soul. When I possess you, you'll steal and you'll lie. You do what you have to just to get high. The crimes you'll commit, for my narcotic charms will be worth the pleasure you'll feel in my arms. You'll lie to your mother; you'll steal from your dad. When you see their tears, you should feel sad. But you'll forget your morals and how you were raised, I'll be your conscience,I'll teach you my ways. I take kids from parents, and parents from kids, I turn people from god, and separate friends. I'll take everything from you, your looks and your pride, I'll be with you always, right by your side. You'll give up everything... your family, your home... your friends, your money, then you'll be alone. I'll take and take, till you have nothing more to give. When I'm finished with you you'll be lucky to live. If you try me be warned this is no game. If given the chance, I'll drive you insane. I'll ravish your body; I'll control your mind. I'll own you completely; your soul will be mine. The nightmares I'll give you while lying in bed, the voices you'll hear from inside your head. The sweats, the shakes, the visions you'll see; I want you to know, these are all gifts from me. But then it's too late, and you'll know in your heart, that you are mine, and we shall not part. You'll regret that you tried me, they always do, but you came to me, not I to you. You knew this would happen. Many times you were told, but you challenged my power, and chose to be bold. You could have said no, and just walked away. If you could live that day over, now what would you say? I'll be your master; you will be my slave, I'll even go with you, when you go to your grave. Now that you have met me , what will you do? Will you try me or not? Its all up to you. I can bring you more misery than words can tell. Come take my hand, LET ME LEAD YOU TO HELL.
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Severance Colorado
Posts: 150
An addiction, whether it be drugs, alcohol or whatever is just one symptom of a mind that doesn't function well. There is seldom a 'Normal" person who just happens to be addicted to something. So if you ask whether this person had a plan to use you from the start, the answer is more than likely "yes".
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