fallingtogether

Hi all, I haven't posted in a while, but I read daily. Can someone answer me this: why am I now having cravings? Solid intense cravings. Drinking dreams? I am 76 days in, I pray daily. Maybe I need to kick up my meeting attendance. I have been sick on and off the past 2 weeks and I haven't gone as much. I'm not looking for excuses or differences, just similarities. Thanks in advance for anything you can contribute.

Hollyanne

Just coming up to the two year mark, I had a rotten dream.
I dreamt that I had a small bottle of brandy and I drank it in bed while my family was around, downstairs in my childhood home.
It is a warning, that's all.
I felt so horrible. I was spilling it on myself and had that half drunk, sleepy feeling. YUCK!
It is normal. Keep going. Nice to wake up and realize, It was a dream!

Sapling

How you doing with the steps FT? That is the suggested program of recovery. It may be a suggestion...But it's the only suggestion they have.

fallingtogether

Yeah, these dreams are vodka, all in the open, no hiding, drunken mess. Almost feel guilty when I wake up, but glad I know they are dreams!

Sap, my sponsor and I have been through all the steps, and I continue to read and pray. I think, as I truly look at the situation, my subconscious mind is triggered at rest by conversations during the day. People asking me about friends, who are actively drinking their lives away. Those are people that I avoid. I think I am thinking too much about them. I have a dear friend that is abusing Vicodin, and I'd like to talk to her about it.

Pretty clear that easy does it, and I need to take it easy.

Sapling

You wrote your fourth step and did a fifth step with your sponsor already?

fallingtogether

Yes I did.

Sapling

That's awesome...Sometimes quickly...Sometimes slowly...Those promises will materialize...Just keep practicing those principles...Living in 10 through 12. I'm really happy to hear that FT.

Hollyanne

I am an alcoholic.
I used alcohol to get out of my own head.
When life is throwing all sorts of stuff at me, I want to drink.
But, I don't.
I am learning to deal with life sober.
It is difficult to observe people going down the path of addiction.
It is frustrating. I have a default mode. Escape. I need to retrain my brain.
I did get free of my compulsion.
It was gone completely. I got sober with AA.
Then I stopped going to meetings and never even looked at the program.
This time around, I am sticking with it.
I feel that my present desire to drink is actually a good thing, for me.
It keeps me on the beam.
I am the type of person that would/has give/n up on sobriety and all that it entails, if it is too easy. I am a starter, not a finisher. Major character defect.
I am working on it, and the others.
Put your own oxygen mask on first.
I have had the experience of getting all involved in other people's lives.
I now know, it was to get away from looking at myself.
I absolutely will help others, just not take off on a tangent, as I am prone to do.

fallingtogether

I love my group, my people, my new family. I also need to speak with my doc regarding my feminine cycle. I think it has a lot to do with my waivering thinking. ESP mid cycle. I know my higher power is not going to lead me in the wrong direction, I just need to get outta my head sometimes.

Hollyanne

Falling, I hear you!
I have identified those days and won't make any decisions on anything those days.
I am certifiable about 4 days a month.
Knowledge is power.