Why did xabf contact me again?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 1,423
Why did xabf contact me again?
So I'd just put my daughter to bed when the phone rung & it was xabf. I was a bit shocked, didn't really know what he wanted.
Turns out he wanted to come & have sex with me again! ????????
So he was going to cheat on his new girlfriend again, unbelieveable.
We actually talked for about 40 mins about stuff. He is planning to move out of town with new girlfriend in about 6 months. Apparently it is going well for them. She doesn't mind him sitting around getting drunk & watching sport. She drinks with him. He hasn't cut back or changed his drinking at all. Apparently he upset her the other night with his drinking! Gee what a winner she has. She will go through just what I did for sure.
He did say he regrets how his drinking affected our relationship & how he embarrassed me in front of my friends.
I guess that's kinda an apology.
I asked why if his new relationship was going so well would he think about cheating on her again.
He said he enjoys it with me, I look like an angel & he wanted to be naughty.
I told him if things were going well for him & he was going to move & start a new life with her then it was not the right thing to do to cheat on her.
He tried & tried but I said no.
I also asked if he'd cheated on me & he says he didn't (yeah right).
So this time I was in control, I did the right thing & I will move on but there is no doubt in my mind that things won't work out for them & that he will continue to drink & get progressively worse.
He said if he came around this would be the last time.
Something tells me however it won't be the last time I hear from him.
Would love to hear my SR friends feed back on this.
Off to bed now by myself lol.
Turns out he wanted to come & have sex with me again! ????????
So he was going to cheat on his new girlfriend again, unbelieveable.
We actually talked for about 40 mins about stuff. He is planning to move out of town with new girlfriend in about 6 months. Apparently it is going well for them. She doesn't mind him sitting around getting drunk & watching sport. She drinks with him. He hasn't cut back or changed his drinking at all. Apparently he upset her the other night with his drinking! Gee what a winner she has. She will go through just what I did for sure.
He did say he regrets how his drinking affected our relationship & how he embarrassed me in front of my friends.
I guess that's kinda an apology.
I asked why if his new relationship was going so well would he think about cheating on her again.
He said he enjoys it with me, I look like an angel & he wanted to be naughty.
I told him if things were going well for him & he was going to move & start a new life with her then it was not the right thing to do to cheat on her.
He tried & tried but I said no.
I also asked if he'd cheated on me & he says he didn't (yeah right).
So this time I was in control, I did the right thing & I will move on but there is no doubt in my mind that things won't work out for them & that he will continue to drink & get progressively worse.
He said if he came around this would be the last time.
Something tells me however it won't be the last time I hear from him.
Would love to hear my SR friends feed back on this.
Off to bed now by myself lol.
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: PA
Posts: 2,728
Things are FAR from well with him! He is a sick man to want to have sex with her AND you on the side. It is people like this that make STD's so easy to catch! My goodness, I'd be afraid to look at him for fear of heebie jeebies! In my opinion, doing this inflates his ego and from the last time thinks, I CAN DO THIS! *all while pounding his chest* You need to not listen to any of the BS. Don't pick up the phone, answer the text, or the door for that matter! After the threats he laid on you last time, you really need to keep this idiot a million miles away from you and hope he leaves a lot sooner or pray feverantly that 6 months flies by!
This is my honest to God thought.
This is my honest to God thought.
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 2,163
Rosie, May I gently ask why you are choosing to answer his calls? This is the guy who said he would burn your house down if you told anyone about the last sexual encounter. This is the guy with gang connections, why would even want him near you or your kids?
My personal take on this, this is LUST. The two of you share a sexual attraction. He strokes your ego, makes you feel desirable, the two of you have a good time in bed. And having sex with him was a way of getting even with the current girlfriend. (even though she doesn't currently know) but perhaps you are hoping one day she also will know the truth.
I view him as your "forbidden fruit". You and him are TOXIC together. Feeding off each other......... This is so very unhealthy for you.
I think it's time to adjust your sails, and chart a course, find a man with integrity, make a list of worthy qualities you find important in a partner. Most importantly, stick to the list. Raise the bar for yourself. Do not accept/allow toxic people in your life.
I believe you deserve better.
Be well, my friend.
My personal take on this, this is LUST. The two of you share a sexual attraction. He strokes your ego, makes you feel desirable, the two of you have a good time in bed. And having sex with him was a way of getting even with the current girlfriend. (even though she doesn't currently know) but perhaps you are hoping one day she also will know the truth.
I view him as your "forbidden fruit". You and him are TOXIC together. Feeding off each other......... This is so very unhealthy for you.
I think it's time to adjust your sails, and chart a course, find a man with integrity, make a list of worthy qualities you find important in a partner. Most importantly, stick to the list. Raise the bar for yourself. Do not accept/allow toxic people in your life.
I believe you deserve better.
Be well, my friend.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 2,163
So when you found out it wasn't your sister, and it was HIM, YOU still chose to go there. Leise said it very well, He is your drug of choice, and he will continue to taunt you and play a very evil game, as long as you allow it.
Honey, I have been right where you are today, and it really sucks, but what really tore me up, was my lack of self control. That was worse than anything alkie ever did.
I was out of control, I kept falling down that black hole, deeper and deeper........ and I was truly miserable.
When you have had enough, you will choose differently. So whenever you are ready, get in the lifeboat, we will paddle towards shore together.
I really understand where you are coming from, my mantra became unacceptable is unacceptable. I would tell myself this all day long, and finally I began to believe it, and of course going no contact played a huge part in my getting over him.
Honey, I have been right where you are today, and it really sucks, but what really tore me up, was my lack of self control. That was worse than anything alkie ever did.
I was out of control, I kept falling down that black hole, deeper and deeper........ and I was truly miserable.
When you have had enough, you will choose differently. So whenever you are ready, get in the lifeboat, we will paddle towards shore together.
I really understand where you are coming from, my mantra became unacceptable is unacceptable. I would tell myself this all day long, and finally I began to believe it, and of course going no contact played a huge part in my getting over him.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 1,423
I feel like God is trying to teach me a lesson & I am very much listening & learning.
Each time he has contacted me lately he has shown me his true colours.
I realise there was never any future for us nor is there any bright future for him in any future relationship while he is an active alcoholic.
I do still wish he'd try again to get sober but he has a new enabler now so
what he does now is none of my business.
Each time he has contacted me lately he has shown me his true colours.
I realise there was never any future for us nor is there any bright future for him in any future relationship while he is an active alcoholic.
I do still wish he'd try again to get sober but he has a new enabler now so
what he does now is none of my business.
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 462
i had a bf i fell for hard and bascially it was sex based relationship. i was the perfect booty call. i hated myself for it and eventually gave him a piece of my mind. we have known each other since 04 and we have stayed in touch in that time as friends and sometimes more. like your guy, he tries it on from time to time. if i was completely honest with myself (which in this case im not normally), i like the idea of someone wanting me (even though i dont want him as i know he isnt the guy for me). its not healthy. even though i am honest with him that im not interested, and that im in a relationship, i know he secretly (and sometimes not so secretly) wants me back, and i guess that is an ego boost. not healthy for me.
thank you for making me realise that i am not being fair to myself, my bf, or him for keeping the contact going.
thank you for making me realise that i am not being fair to myself, my bf, or him for keeping the contact going.
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