NewLifeForMeeee

Hi there,

This is my first post ever and I've found some of the things I've read really helpfull. But I'm still unsure as to where and if I fit in. I've been drinking since I was 14 (on the streets) at weekends. I'm not sure if I do have a problem because I can go for weeks without a drink, sometimes months (because I've often made a conscious effort not to drink in the past 3 years) but then when I do have one drink, it's like something takes over me, I have no control over my drinking, and I drink like a fish, very fast and get through ridicolous amounts of alcohol (my friend on holiday said I was finished before she'd had half) and I never want to go home if I know I can get alcohol, and when I end up too drunk to even focus properly I want drugs to sober me up. Not water, something I can carry on the night with, and I will ask whoever I can if they have any.( I can't stand drugs sober)
My mum has drank (1 ltr full bottle of sherry 'every' evening) since before I was born. I grew up in a flat with just my mum and when I noticed her drinking I was around 12/13 but she denied having a problem so I thought it was just me blaming the drink (because she said it was me blaming everything on her drinking) Looking back at the problems alcohol has caused me because of the effects on me I wonder what's going on & why I still choose to drink. 9 years ago I drunk drove one night and flipped my car upside down, and then got arrested for drink driving. (they let me off with leaving the scene of the accident), I lost my job, my licence, and then my long term boyfriend because I kissed someone else (drunk) and he saw me. You would think that at this point I would of recognised that alcohol wasn't good for me but I carried on because I wasn't drinking every night it was just the odd night. I've got into most of my dysfunctional relationships drunk, abusive ones. But then fell in love, or thought I was, and wasn't able to get out of them unless I caught them out doing something.
What I'm wondering is, why, when I don't want to drink anymore does a switch go off in my head and I loose all control and go and buy alcohol (usually when something emotional happens) and then I get so drunk and I don't stop until I'm forced or there's no alcohol left or I go to bed. But I don't drink everyday. It was 3 days&nights last weekend, which wiped me out for days and I slept for 12 hours and couldn't do anything the next day. Before that It was 2 days 2 weeks before that. so It's not as though I'm dependant on alcohol, and I 'can' stop after several days of drinking. Does this mean I'm not an alcoholic because I can stop eventually? there is definately some kind of chemical obsessive reaction once I start drinking.
I do obsess over other things, and I am extremely compulsive, (shopping, driving fast, saying things (wrong things) before i've thought about them properly)
Thankyou for reading me waffle on! and any help would be greatly appreciated x

Dee74

Hi and welcome

It's a myth that all alcoholic are homeless unwashed people living under bridges and sucking from bottles in a brown paper bag.

It's not how much you drink or how often as much as it is what happens to you when you do I think?

You'll find a lot of binge drinkers here...people who can stop for weeks, months even...but then once they start drinking again they drink destructively.

I was a binge drinker for many years, before I ended up an all day everyday drinker.

If drinking is causing you problems in your life, it's good to decide to do something about that & as early as possible I think - it took me 20 years to do something about my problem..not a good road to go down....

Welcome to SR NewLifeFor Meeee

D

Wifi

Just my opinion and please don't take any offense, however people that are not alcohol don't post on forums wondering if they are alcoholic...

Lyoness

Hi NewLifeForMeee, welcome to SR. Whether or not you are an alcoholic, and you have to decide that for yourself, it sounds like you have nothing but problems, misery and major regrets when you drink. You have to decide if that is something you want to continue. Do you feel better when you are not drinking? Have you gone any length of time without drink--and if so how did you like that?

Why not check out an AA meeting or alcohol counselor and see if anything speaks to you, if anything fits. And keep reading and posting here, this is a great place to learn and receive support.

Take care.

sugarbear1

look for the book alcoholics anonymous online and read or listen to it. it talks about that obsession.

glad you found SR!

Wifi

BTW - Please don't think by my post I was incinuating that you are an alcoholic. Just from my personal experience the question never crosses most non-alchies minds...



Sorry if I came off the wrong way and welcome to SR!!!

renaldo

I used to have that misconception. Then I learned what maintenance alcoholism is. It's a foreign concept to most people, but no stranger to people here, I would venture to guess.

I've heard that the actor Peter Sellers was an alcoholic. There was a documentary about him called "The Mask Behind the Mask." I haven't seen the film, but the title speaks volumes.

Outward appearances are not always a clear indicator of what's going on inside.

People tell me I seem normal and sound like I'm on an even keel, but I don't feel that way.

Perhaps there's some danger in people reassuring you you're OK. If you're asking, something is obviously awry.

No one chimes in on a forum for alcoholism if it's not causing a problem in their life - even if it's a co-dependent problem.

hypochondriac

Boy is that true!

Welcome to SR NewLifeForMeeee

There are a million different types of drinkers here. I was a daily drinker but not in the day and I never really got out of control. My ex was a binge drinker, he wouldn't drink everyday but when he started he'd not be able to stop til he'd done something he'd regret. It was a comic household when we lived together because both of us would accuse the the other as having a worse problem! It really doesn't matter how you drink, rather what you do about it. It's clear that drinking is a problem for you. I think if you know that, then you know you have a problem that you need to do something about. I fully accepted that I had a problem and would need to quit sometime, but I kept pushing it back. I was terrified of my life without alcohol, though I would never have admitted to that. Most likely I would have tried to convince myself it wasn't really a problem because of that one day back in the 90s when I just had a couple of beers and then stopped. It is amazing what little excuses we can drag up to justify our drinking.

The thing is, even if you are not sure right now, there is a point when you will be. But that isn't necessarily a place you want to go. I feel like I got off the ride before my drinking got really bad (although it was certainly bad enough!), and I know that if I went back to it there are always worse things that can happen. It would be a good idea to hang around here to see if you can relate to people's posts. Definitely read the AA Big Book and other recovery literature. Allen Carr's book Easyway your control your drinking helped me change the way I viewed addiction. As did the AVRT book Rational Recovery by Jack Trimpey.

I think you'll find lots of people here who had a similar problem to you and found that staying sober was the better option. I know this is the first place I came to where people presented being sober as a viable option. I felt like I had to drink and just had to control it better.

Good luck with whatever you do x

hamabi

The question might be phrased as "Could anyone possibly supply me with any reason at all other than being an alcoholic which could be stretched to cover my repeated abnormal reactions to drinking a little beverage booze, that I could use to interpret all the difficulties I've experienced as the direct result of drinking so I can then continue to drink and pretend that doing so retains some flimsy shreds of sanity?"

Sorry, can't help you out there.

NewLifeForMeeee

Hamabi, what do you mean exactly-that I am looking for an excuse to drink other than admitting I'm an alcoholic?

NewLifeForMeeee

Thanks for your reply Lyoness. I do feel better when I am not drinking and I prefer not to drink. I just find that I am not as sociable when I cut alcohol out, old friends that I used to drink with expect us to do the same things, and it's part of life for most people so finding a new friend/boyfriend that doesn't drink is difficult. I've found that I've become very isolated when I cut alcohol out and that's painful. I could never go out and dance and be as confident as I can be when I've had a few. The anxiety and fear is too great, plus people mither me to drink, 'come on hav a few!', when I'm drunk, I feel like I can be 'me', I'm funny, and I really come out of myself. (These are just the positives)

NewLifeForMeeee

Hi Renaldo,

Thanks for your reply. Yeah you're right, I definately have co-dependant issues, and I guess I'm not okay really. TBH I've spent the last 2 years wanting someone to tell me that I'm alcoholic, I even asked the doctor if there were any tests. Only because I thought it may be a starting point for me to then work on it. I've been to a few AA meetings and I find it hard to talk in front of a large group as I have so many questions and they all seem to talk about their lives which I can really relate to. Really helped me to go to the meetings but then this girl there nudged me to talk after she'd said I don't have to speak for the first few, so that put me off and I went back into my shell. So that's why I'm on here now.
Is it possible to get a sponser without going to the meetings?

hamabi

NLM, not at all. It's an accepted wisdom that it's useless to tell people they are alcoholic, even when they ask that question. I was stating I couldn't find another explanation for the facts you've laid out, even when considering the items listed that you suspect may indicate otherwise, because they do not.

If there was the slightest possiblity that you are not alcoholic then you could continue drinking alcoholically still longer. It doesn't appear to me to be possible, but you need to decide that is so. If you can get that, it's useful. If others get it for you and tell you it's so then you can retain doubts and reservations that will defeat you in finding a workable answer.

Having the personal understanding that you are an alcoholic will make further drinking adventures even more unpleasant after you sober up than they were earlier on, because you have now lifted the veil, so eventually you may find yourself trying very hard not to waste more of your remaining life on drinking related costs.

After I accepted I had a serious problem that I could not alter for very long by wanting it to go away I then began actively listening for longterm answers over the last 4 months I drank, and siezed on one when it came along that has worked since.

The point is until I finally understood that I indeed had the problem that my experience drinking indicated I'd had for many years I had no need of a solution, and therefore had absolutely no reason I should act on one.

Let me turn this question back to you. Are you an alcoholic?

katiedid722

Thanks for posting! I didn't read the responses so I apologize if I repeat anything said, but I want to share my experience because it's exactly like yours. I never had to wake up and have a drink, and could go months without it as well. But, when I did go out drinking, I had no off switch. I would drink all night until blacking out, and it would put me in bed (and by the toilet) all of the next day. An alcoholic can be described as either someone who is dependant on alcohol, or someone who finds they cannot stop once they start. People that do not have a drinking problem are able to tell themselves when they've had enough. Also, many alcoholics will tell you that they started out binge drinking, and it only get's worse from there. Right now you may feel as if you can stay off the alcohol, but eventually it may not be that way. Why risk it? Also - when we are binge drinking, we have no control over our lives at the moment. That night out with friends can turn into ending up somewhere you have no idea where you are, getting mugged, raped, killed, etc. You can end up in a car wreck that could end your life, or in jail for killing another and having no recollection of it. It's a very scary thing, and it's a game not worth playing. Good luck to you, hope you stick around!

ProblemDrinker

The term alcoholic is very misleading and I don't think helps the current issue of alcohol abuse in any way. The word alcoholic implies that you either are one or are not whereas in reality alcohol abuse can take many forms and people can be at different levels of severity on the alcohol abuse scale.

I am beginning to see alcohol as an evil drug that is misunderstood by the vast majority of society as being something which helps people to relax and have a good time. In reality it is the complete opposite - it ruins lives, it causes stress and anxiety, it reduces courage (and doesn't increase it as many people think).

I firmly believe that there are far more 'alcoholics' than government statistics estimate. Alcohol runs very deep into the fabric of society and can go undetected in the vast majority of homes. Since I quit it is staggering how much more I notice the detrimental effect it has on friends and people I know as well as people I don't know. Over the last few weeks a close friend, a woman who has a high powered financial industry position, drank too much, got into a car with a stranger just to go to the only dodgy place open at 2am on a Thursday night which sold alcohol, the other woman crashed the car and my friend ended up in hospital for two days currently awaiting CT scans to determine the severity of her internal injuries caused by the impact.

Another female friend, just two nights ago was seen drunk to the point of oblivion making an absolute fool of herself - I saw her last night at a birthday party of a close mutual friend knocking back the beers to I suppose get rid of the severe hangover and to function normally.

Two weeks ago, a person I do not know, who was at the same Christmas function as me was killed two hours after the party driving when he smashed into an oncoming car at what must have been 50 or 60 mph, it is understood that he was well over the limit.

There are more stories...many more, and there will be more unfortunately over the coming holiday season.

I am getting fed up with it all. Alcohol dehydrates so people drink more, it inebriates so people's sense of danger is impaired, people don't stop, not because there is something wrong with them - as I used to think about myself, far from it...why would anyone stop drinking when their sense of judgement is out of the window? Because they are with people who are all fooled into thinking they are having a good time so why stop? It doesn't make sense to stop!

Why can kids go to parties and not need anything to get through? Because we are all forced through peer pressure and brainwashing that the awful poison provides a benefit to our lives whereas in reality we all should have listened to our bodies saying no when we first tried the disgusting beer, wine or whatever..

Sorry for rambling...but you know - I have to vent about it!!!

It's not your fault for drinking to excess or becoming alcoholics...its a logical progression created by the very nature of the drug and societies attitude towards it.

Human nature is what it is...it's not going to change. What has to change are peoples attitudes towards drinking. Just last night I went to a party when I was not drinking. The first thing is what are you having, I've made some homemade rum punch? What has to change is the fact that by me turning it down, I was somehow perceived as rude...for refusing a drug!

I hope my opinion isn't offensive or provocative in any way, but it is something I feel strongly on.

doggonecarl

Raving alcoholic or sociable drinker?

Since you didn't describe any "social" drinking ("...I get so drunk and I don't stop until I'm forced or there's no alcohol left or I go to bed.") I will have to go with door number 1.

NewLifeForMeeee

Also, many alcoholics will tell you that they started out binge drinking, and it only get's worse from there.
Thanks Katie, i'm not sure how to quote a sentance only, anyone know?
This makes so much sense to me now, after reading that quote from you. I've heard of it being a progressive disease but not even sure that means what i think it means, does that mean that it happens slowly? and gets worse etc?
Yeh why take the chance. I look at my poor mum and she looks so unwell, blood blisters and swolen ankles. She was told she has alcoholic liver disease 3 years ago and has carried on drinking since then, so god only knows what stage it's at now. She could of had such a better life, but she is in complete denial, and seems happy there strangly enough. I'm not though, it's made me really unhappy and hurt that she would carry on, and because i', hurting i feel like drinking. But i don't want to end up like her and will do anything not to. Happy i've found this site

NapsteR1

It does read like than doesn't it?

Bit of "cruel to be kind / tough love" going on there methinks!

Coldfusion

Hi New Life--what have you been doing the past week or so?

This was a first sober Christmas for many people here at SoberRecovery. Our goal is to not drink at all in 2013, or ever again. It's not easy, and history shows that AA can provide the help you need. If you have never been to a meeting, try an Al-Anon meeting (for help dealing with your Mum's drinking).

FreeFall

Welcome New Life...I don't really think it matters putting a label or name on it. Or, if you do, consider what you would do with your life in any of the scenarios. a) I'm an alcoholic so I will do what I need to to stop the addiction and get healthy or b) I'm not alcoholic and have complete control over my life whenever I drink and am able to stop anytime in any situation or c) I'm addicted, don't want to deal with it, and will ignore it until something major happens to make me deal with it. It's pretty simple really.

If you do decide to stop you'll get lots of good support here.

Maybe you only think you're a better dancer drunk lol