mfox

I haven't posted much lately as I have been busy pulling my life together since my AH went to live with his mom in Oregon - at least 8 hours away from me. I have kept in touch with him some and, of course, he tells me what I want to hear... that he's going to meetings, looking for work, going to church, whatever he thinks I need to hear. But I have been paying more attention to his attitudes - after all, since I'm not there I have no way of knowing if he's telling the truth.

Two days ago I got a text message from him that he was in the E.R. because he had hurt his back. Okay... didn't hear anything more from him. Then last night I received a phone call from his mom asking where he would go to get his drugs in Modesto because he had disappeared with her car and she needs to go find him (Modesto is about an hour from where I live and it is where he goes to buy crack because you can't get it in our area). I said there is no way he could be in Modesto since he wouldn't have gas money to get there from Oregon. Well, apparently, about the time I got the message telling me he was in the hospital, he and his mom and stepdad were leaving Oregon to come down here. He was never at the hospital. After all the times he told ne how much he loved me and missed me, he never even implied he was coming down. He had sold his prized guitar at the pawn shop to give her money so she would bring him back here so he could get the rest of the money he was owed for his motorcycle that he had 'sold' to his drug dealer (of course he didn't tell his mom that he sold it to his dealer). Then, once they got into town, he 'borrowed' her car to go get his money....and never came back. He left her stranded at a friends. Oh, and for the record, she recently was released from the hospital after a major heart attack.

I gave her the address. This morning she went to the address of the motel and found her car. They had the extra set of keys and took the car. They never saw him. She said they are going home and leaving him there.

After everything we did to get him away from here, after him seemingly wanting to get better, he pulled out all the stops to get right back in the same gutter he was pulled out of.

He finally called his mom. She said he was crying. He still denies he was going to see his dealer and he doesn't know why he did it. She told him they were leaving him here. He said he has nothing left. And he doesn't. She asked if she should leave his suitcase and he said "You just don't get it, do you? I have NOTHING left." He told her he loved her and hung up. Then he called back to ask her if I knew what happened. She said yes and he hung up on her again.

I'm in complete disbelief, although I know I shouldn't be. There is no act too low for an addict.

I won't go find him and rescue him again. He made a choice. And I have made boundaries. Those boundaries mean protecting my kids and myself from him no matter what. I expect they will find his body before long. Although I may be wrong. Perhaps he can make a life down there - after all, that is where he desperately wanted to be. I love him and will miss him, but he is lost. I wish him the best and I hope he finds peace and hope. I pray that God keeps him safe and shows him a better path. I give him to God.

HopefulmomtoD

I'm so sorry. I am just amazed how low people will go in order to get their drug.

mstrust

sorry you're dealing with this, mfox. i hope you are able to maintain your boundaries. i'm still working on that. it never ceases to amaze me the amount of lying a single person can be capable of...and actually think someone might believe them. hang in there.

bluebelle

It sounds like you have good boundaries in place. I hope you are able to find some peace and rest today--and do something for yourself. Yesterday, I took a long, hot bath, and focused on breathing. That helped me feel better. Take care.

LoveMeNow

I am so glad that you have given him over to God. We can only pray that he reaches out to him too.

Stay strong! God bless (((Mfox!!)))

mfox

Everyone here is so wonderful! I think the separation from him has helped. I have been doing really well and been, well, wait for it.......wait for it..... HAPPY. For instance, last night when I received the call from his mom, I was at a girlfriends house with several other ladies having a "Pinterest Cooking Party". We had food and drinks and laughter and it was fun. I am blessed to have so many wonderful people in my life. Tonight I am taking a girlfriend to my company Christmas party (yes, a lot of girlfriends in my life and as hard as they try to tell me I will find the perfect man someday, I am nowhere near wanting to date anyone for a very long time).

I need to take back my life and my happiness. I need to allow him to find his own way. He knows I love him and always will. But I matter. My kids matter. They deserve ALL of me. I have 8 months left with one and 2 years with the other before they leave for college. They are the most incredible gift and I intend to treasure every minute I have with them.

Sending love and hugs and prayers to all of you. Please keep my AH in your prayers. I am a firm believer that God listens. He may not always answer our prayers the way we hope he will, but he does answer them - in his own time and in his own way.

dollydo

"I need to take back my life and my happiness. "

Fantastic! Have a wonderful Holiday Season!

laurie6781

Since he is not that far from you now, and A's can be very resourceful, I would suggest that if you haven't changed the locks that you do so. Keep doors locked at all times, and keep your phone near.

That way you and your children WILL have a beautiful holiday!

Sending healing thoughts and prayers.

Love and hugs,

mfox

Thank you. Not only have the locks been changed, but I have also had an alarm system installed on the house. I expect, if he doesn't follow through with his suicide threat this time, that he will show up here to get the rest of his belongings so they can be sold along with everything else he has ever owned.

Fortunately, it is MY house, the bulk of everything here is mine, and my income has been our primary support for the past 5 years so his absence is not a life shattering event for me and my kids - unlike so many others I see on here. I am lucky in that respect, but I also learned after my last divorce that I am the only one I can count on and am determined that I don't ever want to be financially dependent on anyone.

Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers. I hope you all have a great Christmas. And, especially after the heartbreaking events of this week, hold your loved ones a little tighter. They can be taken from you in a heartbeat.

Sunshine2

MFox, it is wonderful to hear the strength in your voice. It is good to see that you are discovering that you do care about yourself and your kids and that happiness is not tied up with your AX, but away from him.

Kindeyes

I can't even begin to tell you how many times this thought has crossed my mind (or gotten into my head and gotten stuck there).

The unfortunate truth is while we are trying to predict the future, the addict is often totally oblivious to the fear and concern we are filled with. They are out dulling their feelings and conscience with their DOC. Addicts are incredibly resourceful. Even when they have "nothing", they seem to find a way to not only survive but obtain their DOC with seemingly no money.

You just keep taking care of yourself and your children! Good for you for taking your life back and living it!

gentle hugs
ke

hello-kitty

Thanks for the update. Glad he's nowhere near you right now. Keep your boundaries firm - you never know when he'll show up begging for help again. I know it took a long time for my ex to really accept that I wasn't going to bail him out of his troubles ... years actually. I found that not answering his phone calls and enforcing a 24 hour return phone call rule was exceedingly helpful and eliminated a lot of painful drama in my life... I didn't have to the hear sob stories and lies any more.