Xune

For newbies worried about people asking them why they're not drinking while at a party.

I'd just like to share with everyone that I was a Xmas party last night for close to four hours and there were at least 40 people present.

I drink various non-alcoholic beverages all night and turned down a shot of liquor to toast at one point.

A grand total of ZERO people asked me what I was drinking.

If I had been asked, I would have said, " I'm not drinking".

1) Normal people do not care if someone is drinking or not drinking.

2) These situations are as stressful as you allow them to be.

By the way, yeah, I had a good time sober!

Kevah

So true! lol! I was sooooo scared the first time I went to a gathering where alcohol was. You know what? No one even asked. No one noticed, and if they did, they didn't care enough to mention it. Normal drinkers aren't preoccupied with others' drinking habits....


I also just say "I can't drink today" or "I don't want to drink today"...still true, no more info than necessary. I really don't give a rat's ass what anyone thinks about my sobriety anymore. It isn't their life, liver, or brain!

michelleb1

Good on you!

renaldo

If someone is egging you on to drink, they're not your friend. Why would you encourage someone to drink if they've stated that they prefer not to?

hypochondriac

This is so true Xune. I found that it was entirely my own head that made these situations difficult. That's not to say people should suck it up and get on with it, I think avoiding these things til you feel stronger in your sobriety is quite possibly vital.

That said, I have got through a few football matches, a friends wedding, a champagne toast, a few nights out clubbing, a few gigs, a few really stressful situations where drinking would have been my reward, and various other things, all sober (in varying degrees of comfort but some of these were in the first week/months, I don't recommend it). And I had fun at all of them, even the stressful stuff!

This is all stuff which drinking would have been seen as absolutely necessary to me before and quite frankly to others too. But I don't drink. People occasionally ask if I am still not drinking and I just say 'yes' and the conversation moves on No panic necessary x

SparklingSeven

Good post!

Karadawn

This has been on my mind with the holiday parties coming. I don't want to make a big deal of my non drinking but worried what to say. A simple I don't feel like drinking should work just hope I can be strong enough to do that with it around me especially since this is only day 2.

FreeFall

Great post! Glad you had a good time at the party and that no one pressured you. I think it's definitely true that normal people don't even think about it. The only people I've received pressure from in 5 months are heavy drinkers and former drinking buddies. lol they want me "back" but it's not happening...

hypochondriac

Feel free to make a big enough deal to avoid these parties if you feel uncomfortable Karadawn. There will be other Christmases where you're not in early recovery. Ducking out is a just as viable as 'no thanks' x

LDT

This is my 2nd sober Christmas coming up. It gets easier every time you say " No thanks". I just don't make a big deal out of it. I was one of about 2 people not drinking at a party the other night and no one cared. I walked in the door with a Perrier in one hand and a gift in the other. I have found that the only ones that do care are those questioning their own drinking habits. And if me drinking sparkling water or a diet coke makes them uneasy..... oh well....

Karadawn

Good advice

This is on the same subject, I told my husband I'm worried because when I drink I am open and funny and have great time but I feel when I'm not drinking I am not comfortable and not able to be myself. You know what he said, ya you only have fun with me when you are drinking! He says he will support me and not drink too but guess what I'm here w 3 little kids by myself and he is at his friends house. He said he would not drink I doubt it. I'm glad I found this place where it seems ppl understand.

LDT

Karadawn, I use to feel that way, too. I was the life of the party ( in my alleged mind). Guess what.... I found I'm a lot funnier,wittier, and more interesting when I'm sober. These days I truly enjoy the parties I attend. I have great conversations. I talk with everyone. And I remember EVERYTHING! It's like exercise.... the longer you do it, the stronger you become.

Karadawn

Yes the remembering everything would be nice!

buickbeast

Great to hear Xune =)
This Saturday will mark the first time I've gone 30 days totally sober since I started drinking in '05.
I've made it a point to let everyone know that I'm quitting, and everyone has been really supportive =)

ReadyAtLast

Great thread .

I feel the same Karadawn,feelvery uncomfortable sober when everyone else is drinking. My main relapse after a decent period of sobriety was at a party. Worried about Christmas day. Its not necessarily that others will say anything,its more my nervousness and feeling uncomfy.

Karadawn

Ready at last
I agree I get super uncomfy and beer is somehow my super potion that eases me and makes me feel confident. I always feel judged for some reason. I have always been that way and I'm super sensitive. So when I discovered how great beer made me feel I was instantly hooked. Wish I could use moderately but prob is I like it too much I just abuse it. I hide drinks from my husband. He tried to save some beer for our thanksgiving party we were having and put beer up in the garage rafters and I climbed a 10 ft ladder and slipped off top (ya I was drunk already -10 deep and im a small girl) I was black and blue , had to lie to everyone that I was trying to get decorations down. So tired of this shame roller coaster going to try hard this time