Greetings from an Angry Drunk
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 61
Greetings from an Angry Drunk
I drink to numb the feelings of guilt and to forgot the past for a little while, also to a lesser extent to stop the shake. Sometimes when I drink I have a great night chatting to friends online, watching a film and generally relaxing.... other times.... I remember slights/insults/malicious moves that were directed torwards me from others and then all hell breaks loose.
My urge is to "make them pay" and that over writes all other parts of my personality, I have made death threat facebook messages, death threat phone calls and physically intimidated an elderly couple all while drunk. My neighbourhood fears me I am in my mid 20's and the only person who can physically "stop me" tells me I am very intimidating while drunk that I don't look like a normal moron shouting but look like I could kill somebody if approached the wrong way.
I have many regrets. like throwing a table at my elderly father or my own drunken rampages actually drove him to drinking and now he has recently died and my drinking has skyrocketed because of this - he died in misery because of me and now I do 2 litres of vodka a night as my only release as yes I know that would kill an elephant eventually but the guilt over my drunken actions makes me half want it to happen.
I used to be a happy drunk until my life turned to crap after false allegations were made by an ex girlfriend with a grudge which wrongly turned me into a local hate figure (before drinking). I used to go to college, have a girlfriend and take care of my appearence and now I just hope I woke up to night time for some peace from the general population after a drunken passout which I do every night... if I continue this way I will kill somebody with drink in me or else be killed myself by the self defence of others.
I first realised I had a problem when the first thing I thought of in the morning was "do I think have drink to do me all day?" and got alcohol withdrawl symptoms.. not pretty. I am actually drinking as I type this and probably would not have done so without the drink and I am a ticking time bomb for myself and others but alcohol is my only release from my daily misery I wake up to so I am stuck between 2 fires. Any and all advice is welcome
My urge is to "make them pay" and that over writes all other parts of my personality, I have made death threat facebook messages, death threat phone calls and physically intimidated an elderly couple all while drunk. My neighbourhood fears me I am in my mid 20's and the only person who can physically "stop me" tells me I am very intimidating while drunk that I don't look like a normal moron shouting but look like I could kill somebody if approached the wrong way.
I have many regrets. like throwing a table at my elderly father or my own drunken rampages actually drove him to drinking and now he has recently died and my drinking has skyrocketed because of this - he died in misery because of me and now I do 2 litres of vodka a night as my only release as yes I know that would kill an elephant eventually but the guilt over my drunken actions makes me half want it to happen.
I used to be a happy drunk until my life turned to crap after false allegations were made by an ex girlfriend with a grudge which wrongly turned me into a local hate figure (before drinking). I used to go to college, have a girlfriend and take care of my appearence and now I just hope I woke up to night time for some peace from the general population after a drunken passout which I do every night... if I continue this way I will kill somebody with drink in me or else be killed myself by the self defence of others.
I first realised I had a problem when the first thing I thought of in the morning was "do I think have drink to do me all day?" and got alcohol withdrawl symptoms.. not pretty. I am actually drinking as I type this and probably would not have done so without the drink and I am a ticking time bomb for myself and others but alcohol is my only release from my daily misery I wake up to so I am stuck between 2 fires. Any and all advice is welcome
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Eastern Us
Posts: 1,366
With the amount you are drinking you probably need a medically supervised detox. Your anger issues certainly need to be dealt with. From what you describe, your issues become worse when you drink. I am pretty certain that if you stop drinking, the rest of your life will get better. Drinking doesn't make problems better, drinking becomes the problem.
Maybe you should try AA or something before you do something that you are going to regret the rest of your days. My life is much better sober. Hope you take action before it is too late.
Maybe you should try AA or something before you do something that you are going to regret the rest of your days. My life is much better sober. Hope you take action before it is too late.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 61
Originally Posted by Nirvana1 
Welcome!
Do you plan on quitting drinking or working towards recovery?
Do you plan on quitting drinking or working towards recovery?
That is the problem, in the current situation and lifestyle I am in the only release I can see is drinking, which leads me to do aggressive actions that only harm me in the end - but will eventually harm someone else or worse. At the moment if someone told me to give up drinking would be like telling me to exist in misery 24/7 and I just can't face that after these 2 years of hell which has been caused by others but the drunken angry reactions of me have escalated things.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Austin, TX
Posts: 22
I think you should try AA. My reasoning is that you probably feel alone in the world in regards to your situation. You may be scared, and think that no one could possibly know how to deal with your life. I have gone to some AA meets and was shocked at what stories the people there had. More importantly, I respected their courage to admit the wrong doings (wether done onto them or they have done) and have agreed to let it go in history. They are moving on, and in return, helping others (me, you) turn our lives around. You could still make your father happy by turning your life around...there is still time, and everyday is a second chance.....every second...is a second chance.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Canada. About as far south as you can get
Posts: 4,768
Hello Guyver:
I found sobriety, sanity and serenity in the Rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous. I was 45 yrs old when I finally collapsed and chose to enter a 90 day rehab. (I chose, meaning I sat in the rehab's driveway with a gun to my head just to end the pain .... but I thought "Let's give it a try, got nothin' to lose".
Then on to AA where the magic began to happen. The 12 Steps address all my ills and I don't have to drink.
Call your local AA number in the phone book and call them. See where the "open" meetings are and attend a few. You will not have to say anything or participate, OPEN meetings are open to the public. You will hear your story told at those meetings repeatedly... you will know you are at home in those rooms.
All the best.
Bob R
I found sobriety, sanity and serenity in the Rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous. I was 45 yrs old when I finally collapsed and chose to enter a 90 day rehab. (I chose, meaning I sat in the rehab's driveway with a gun to my head just to end the pain .... but I thought "Let's give it a try, got nothin' to lose".
Then on to AA where the magic began to happen. The 12 Steps address all my ills and I don't have to drink.
Call your local AA number in the phone book and call them. See where the "open" meetings are and attend a few. You will not have to say anything or participate, OPEN meetings are open to the public. You will hear your story told at those meetings repeatedly... you will know you are at home in those rooms.
All the best.
Bob R
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 496
Hello there. Sounds 2 me that you are ready to quit. I used also to control my emotions. Or so I told myself, to justify whatever. Came to realize that I was lying to myself. I did a lot of crazy stuff I regret. Hurt others & myself. A lot of wasted years. This is a great place to start, there is a lot of support and help here. Begin your journey 2day. Best wishes 
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Hi Guyver
I used to drink over guilt - it never solved anything - and I drank against the world too - but it really is like drinking poison and hoping the other guy dies...y'know?
There is a better life out there...we just have to make that leap of faith.
You'll find a lot of support here too
Like others have said, seeing a Dr is the first step if you've been drinking heavily and regularly - not everyone has trouble in detox but you don't want to be one of the ones who do.
Play it safe.
Glad you've joined us
D
I used to drink over guilt - it never solved anything - and I drank against the world too - but it really is like drinking poison and hoping the other guy dies...y'know?
There is a better life out there...we just have to make that leap of faith.
You'll find a lot of support here too
Like others have said, seeing a Dr is the first step if you've been drinking heavily and regularly - not everyone has trouble in detox but you don't want to be one of the ones who do.
Play it safe.
Glad you've joined us
D
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: US
Posts: 34
I hear you about being an angry drunk. I also have gotten in fights and made bad decisions while drunk, including sending threats to people, or causing a big scene in a bar.
There are other releases. When I really want a drink, I put on angry music and do push ups until my arms are exhausted. This usually makes the feeling pass, and I am getting in better shape as well.
You should probably see a doctor about the shakes. And you are right, if you continue drinking, the next big tragedy, be it jail or death, is always a possibility for the aggressive drinker.
Hope that suggestion helps.
-Virg
There are other releases. When I really want a drink, I put on angry music and do push ups until my arms are exhausted. This usually makes the feeling pass, and I am getting in better shape as well.
You should probably see a doctor about the shakes. And you are right, if you continue drinking, the next big tragedy, be it jail or death, is always a possibility for the aggressive drinker.
Hope that suggestion helps.
-Virg
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Cold Northern USA
Posts: 72
Hi Guyver and welcome. It's Day 5 for me. I haven't gone to AA yet. Went to the ER yesterday morning for anxiety and dehydration (colitis). Coming off alcohol and Xanax. Keep posting and reading. The people here are great and have good advice and listen without judging.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,509
I hope you have enough faith to know that you can stop drinking and feel good. I think you might find that your anger would lessen without alcohol in the mix. Have you considered counselling for the anger and guilt that you are dealing with?
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 603
Originally Posted by Virg
I hear you about being an angry drunk. I also have gotten in fights and made bad decisions while drunk, including sending threats to people, or causing a big scene in a bar.
There are other releases. When I really want a drink, I put on angry music and do push ups until my arms are exhausted. This usually makes the feeling pass, and I am getting in better shape as well.
You should probably see a doctor about the shakes. And you are right, if you continue drinking, the next big tragedy, be it jail or death, is always a possibility for the aggressive drinker.
Hope that suggestion helps.
-Virg
There are other releases. When I really want a drink, I put on angry music and do push ups until my arms are exhausted. This usually makes the feeling pass, and I am getting in better shape as well.
You should probably see a doctor about the shakes. And you are right, if you continue drinking, the next big tragedy, be it jail or death, is always a possibility for the aggressive drinker.
Hope that suggestion helps.
-Virg
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: "I'm not lost for I know where I am. But however, where I am may be lost ..."
Posts: 5,273
Originally Posted by Guyver
At the moment if someone told me to give up drinking would be like telling me to exist in misery 24/7
Trust what you read rom the people here. Life is immeasurably better without the booze. Addiction is exhausting. You do not have to live this way. Imagine being free...
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,569
Welcome Guyer. You aren't alone - you have many here who care about you. I'm glad you found us.
When I finally decided I needed to quit or die, I was drinking a 30-pack of beer a day, with maybe a little vodka thrown in. (I'm a 5'2" woman.) In the end, I wasn't high or happy anymore - no amount I drank gave me the feeling I was looking for. Those old, carefree drinking days were never coming back. I could no longer manage the amounts I drank - and it always led me to danger and an unpredictable outcome. Please take this opportunity to change your life. You can do it, Guyer. You don't have to suffer anymore.
When I finally decided I needed to quit or die, I was drinking a 30-pack of beer a day, with maybe a little vodka thrown in. (I'm a 5'2" woman.) In the end, I wasn't high or happy anymore - no amount I drank gave me the feeling I was looking for. Those old, carefree drinking days were never coming back. I could no longer manage the amounts I drank - and it always led me to danger and an unpredictable outcome. Please take this opportunity to change your life. You can do it, Guyer. You don't have to suffer anymore.
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,967
detox with medical supervision and possibly rehab to educate .
once you aren't drinking, AA, AVRT, SMART, Life Ring, Women for Sobriety, Rational Recovery, Power to Quit are methods of recovery for staying stopped. Pick one and work it like it's life and death; cause it is.
I wish you well on your sober journey!
once you aren't drinking, AA, AVRT, SMART, Life Ring, Women for Sobriety, Rational Recovery, Power to Quit are methods of recovery for staying stopped. Pick one and work it like it's life and death; cause it is.
I wish you well on your sober journey!
instant
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Australia
Posts: 5,711
Booze is a driver of anger and resentment. Getting out of the trap is unpleasant at first, but with the right mindset can be gratefully endured.
You can make something positive out of your life if you can find the courage.
You can make something positive out of your life if you can find the courage.
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