SSIL75

I got sober in August of 2010 and before I knew it, Christmas had come. I work a little retail (a lot of retail over the season, I guess) and have a very vivid memory of driving on the highway to work the day we put up the Christmas tree.

My husband and (visiting) sister were both drinking red wine as we decorated and then I left them to go to work.

I was a wreck.

I wanted to stay and finish the tree.
I wanted to be able to relax in their (slightly drunken) presence.
I wanted to drink. But I didn't want to drink.
I wanted to be sober.
I wanted to feel normal.
I wanted to be 'done' with getting sober.

I turned up P!nk's 'Raise your Glass' in my car and cried all the way down the highway. I visualized myself drinking a glass of pellegrino after finishing the NY Marathon (Note: 2 years later and I still can't run further than a mile ).

I got to the mall early and put on fancy makeup at Sephora.

The rest of the night passed without incidence. When I got home late that night, they were done drinking. There were multiple empty wine bottles on the counter but they had sobered up a bit. Seemed a little hungover already. One of them had opened the window for 'fresh air' and so the living room was cold. The lighting was weird. Too much in the kitchen where my husband was cleaning. Too little in the cold living room. We talked a bit about my night at work but neither of them were up to much, conversation wise. I thought "I don't envy this", took off my fancy makeup and went to bed.

I would still say that critical to my recovery was realizing that drinking is not all it's cracked up to be.

I hope this season brings similar realizations to our newcomers.

Merry Christmas!

Michael66

Great insight

raja12

I'm feeling good about Christmas. I don't associate this holiday with drinking. Thank goodness most of my family do not drink. New years however is a different story. It will be difficult to obstain then. But I know it can be done. And I'm looking forward to booze free holidays ahead!

Mulch

Love how you wrote that ... As I was reading, I "felt" it with you... the beginning where you wanted to be festive and drinking and have fun with the others .. to the not-so-pretty aftermath. Thank you.

For me, this will be my third sober Christmas. However, I had a relapse in the fall (late summer - fall really) and am newly sober once again. The two previous sober Christmasses I had a small amount of alcohol in the house (my mom likes a "nip" with eggnog). I think I am going to go alcohol-free this Christmas though, given the recent relapse and the fact that now everyone knows I may have a problem with it.

Thanks again for sharing. That was a great thing to read this morning!

David10

it was fine last year should be OK this year so long as i keep reminding myself i don't want to drink.

Applecrumble

Thanks for this SSIL. I got sober this AUgust and have not been able to express the above before, or the fact that a part of me thinks once I've 'run that marathon, I'll have a drink. That's why it's hour by hour, day by day I guess!

Take care,
Apple

Mafalda

I have managed to avoid the Christmas parties but we have been getting gift baskets with wine. They are sitting in front of me testing my will power ,our house if full of wine. I'm hosting a family dinner this Sunday and my husband will be bringing out his best stuff from the cellar. That will be very hard. I have enlisted my sister to watch out in case I slip. We talk a lot. She is overweight and doesn't know why she eats so much so we have a quid pro quo where we will watch over each other but at he end of the day it's only you. And then my company Christmas party which I booked in a venue known for its lousy beer and wine. I figured I didn't want to give my staff a dry party just because of me. I have to test myself like this because I will be surrounded by alcohol for the rest of my life so there is nothing else to do. This is my first week and I have been sick with a cold so not too. Every time I do feel like drinking I go on this site and read stories of relapse. Gets it off my mind And reminds me why I have to do this. Thank you all for sharing your very personal stories!

ElleElle

I will keep reminding myself to not be influenced by others and find others ways to keep my "entertained". This may be just simply as recognizing what's going on around me.

Now that my eyes are open, I can focus on what's important- which is that tomorrow is a new day and we will get through.

x namaste

Anna

I think it's great that you are aware and thinking about this ahead of time. It's always helpful to plan ahead.

And, as Elle said, being aware of who you are and what you want is very important, too.

SSIL75

Remember that you will NOT regret a sober Christmas!

TTBABP

SSIL75 - thanks so much for the post. I am nervous about the holidays. I agree with Mulch - you wrote the post beautifully and I could "feel" it too. If I get that urge during the next fews weeks I think thinking of your post is going to be a great help to me. So again thanks so much.

Cariad2013

I can't see how I am possibly going to make it through new years eve. We have been invited to friends where I know they will make an issue if I don't drink as it will only be us four adults and the kids.

I looked after their little boy last night for them to go see their daughters christmas show and my friend kept saying have a glass of wine there is plenty there and no matter how many time I said I was fine, even when she was walking out the door she said go on have a glass and when they returned she asked if I wanted to stay and have a glass with her I said no it's ok I want to get home she told me to take a bottle with me.

I have slightly touched on the subject of not wanting to drink with her over the last few months but she dismisses that fact I could have a problem with alcohol.

I did plan on waiting till this night was over before I got sober, but after recent events I can't afford to wait for fear of what i might do when drunk.

I glad of your thread

Xune

Excited, healthy and confident!

SSIL75

I remember similarly tying myself up knots about What People Would Think and I know I'm not the only person to find that nobody really gives ashit after all. It's almost hurtful how little people care . After all my

She may have been pushing you to stay for a glass b/c you seemed 'off' and she wanted to connect with you the only way she knows how.

Junebugapril

Wow, what a great story. I admire you for being able to deal with people drinking around you in a sensible way. I admire the way you visualized things to help you through this.

I am so new in my sobriety, less than a month sober.

For now I am hiding. I am just avoiding situations where there will be alcohol. I am turning down parties. I am turning down invitations to restaurants because even though my friends won't drink around me, out of sympathy for my situation, I think I would feel too resentful at a restaurant. I associate a good meal at a restaurant with good wine. So I am hiding from booze. I am not ready to look alcohol in the face yet.

The strange thing, is that I have kept a bottle of wine in my closet. It seems easier for me to know that if I really want a drink, I can have one. It soothes the rebel in my soul that says "If you tell me I can't have it, then I'll show you who is boss". Crazy, eh?

SavingSelf

I think I will be ok. I know I won't drink. The rest will work itself out. We are spending xmas eve with my partner's family--and it is a big drinking night for them--her family that is. Luckily, my partner doesn't really drink--rarely did and has decided to give it up completely now that I am sober. Two years ago when we spent xmas eve with them I drank too much wine and my partner was really upset that I was drunk. (Not that I did anything other than be really drunk--but she was not amused, nor should she have been). Last year we spent it with my family(we alternate years)--and they aren't really drinkers.

So, I will be grateful this year to be sober at a big drinking event and not worry about any ramifications from my drinking.

I have spent many nights abstaining recently during drinking events with her family--including a wedding. So I'm sure I will be able to do the holidays sober. I think the more we do things like this the easier it gets.

I have had dry periods before. But, this is the first time I am embracing sobriety. It feels so much better. I am at peace with the decision that I can't ever drink again--luckily I only have to do it one day at a time.

michelleb1

I bet you felt proud of yourself though the next day? I think we need to embrace the felling of self respect that comes with saying no to destroying our bodies. Good on you for resisting!

ReadyAtLast

I'm nervous.Whilst avoiding parties I have a couple of family gatherings,one of which(Christmas Day) is at my place. Last time I was at one I drank after a sober period. Part of me is nervous but the other part almost knows what may happen(urges,triggers) so I am preparing,having a plan and the thought of waking up on Boxing day sober will be amazing

Dee74

Cariad - I spent years trying to please people - even tho I knew that by drinking I was harming myself.

Alcohol is progressive...eventually people were imploring me *not* to drink with them or avoiding inviting me anywhere - you do not want to go there.

You need to work out whats more important - how other people see you or how you see yourself.

D

Quinne

A bit pensive; my family and I spent most of Christmas last year in the local hospital saying goodbye to my Grandpa as he was dying from cancer. He passed in the early hours of Boxing Day and as this will be the first Christmas since, I'm anticipating emotions will be running very high. I need to celebrate his life. I was 5 months sober at the time of his passing and am grateful he saw his "biggest treasure" starting to get well.

I did relapse a month later and picked up maybe three times before getting back to the rooms of AA, but I had no program before then. I think he'd be proud

Xx