free2luv26

Im having such a hard time this morning. Im a recovering addict myself and there are people in my family who are major crack/cocaine addicts. I prayed last night that my Higher Power would lead me in the right direction. And I believe that He will but I need a little advice from friends and family of addicts. Am I supposed to cut them out of my life completely? They dont come to my house very often and some don come at all. But it makes me so mad that they cant keep their word. I went to the store this morning and got home prepared to put a certain person on blast, via a social network, for not keeping their word and putting their addiction above everything else. I have no pity for them whatsoever. With me being a recovering addict you would think Id have more sympathy for them but I have none. I dont want anything to do with them. I want to tell them what I think of them. But if I tell them they are useless drug addicts then Im being a hypocrite. Being clean has made me think about things and see things in a whole new light. I feel like they are where they are because they want to be. I dont think it was as hard as they say it is to get off of the crap. And I was a heavy user from the time I was 15 years old until I was 24. It was difficult for me to get clean but not as difficult as I thought it would be while I was using. Once I got it in my head that I was going to stop it was pretty much cake from there. Maybe not cake but a hell of alot easier than the way my life was when I was using. Ugh I just cant stand it. Should I cut them out of my life completely. I have my own addiction that Im doing my best to keep under control and my mind is set and made up that I WILL NOT use. I just wish they would put it in their head but all they care about is smoking!

Kindeyes

Welcome to the forum....I hope you find the answers you seek.

Whether you cut the addicts in your life off entirely or not is an individual choice. Sometimes it is the only option to maintain sanity......bt only you can make that determination.

One of the things that I have been told by my friends who have long term sobriety is that stopping the use of drugs is just the first part of the battle and the one that has quick, tangible results. The other part of recovery is changing behaviors. And that's the really tough part.

On the side of the street as the loved one of an addict and alcoholic, we're just needing to do one part......the hard part......change our own behaviors.

What does that mean? We establish firm boundaries. We say what we mean, mean what we say but don't say it mean. We take care of ourselves and our own psychological, physical, emotional and spiritual health first. And we find serenity whether the addict continues to use or not. And yes......sometimes.....in order to do a good job of self care, we have to limit or stop contact with the addict. But most of all, our recovery prepares us for the times we do have contact so that we don't take things personally and we stop trying to change something/someone we can't change.....the addict (or anyone else for that matter).

Congratulations on getting clean and sober!

gentle hugs
ke

Impurrfect

((free)) - I'm a recovering addict (RA), too, who also has loved ones who are still using. I actually live with one of them (my stepmom) and I know the feeling of wanting to "put it out there". I can tell you from my personal experience, it does NO good.

My sm's (stepmom's) family knows her problem, but my dad and they continue to enable her. I spend a LOT of time on this forum, and I do my best to detach, even if that means getting out of the house for a little bit. Right now, sm just had knee surgery and is still in the hospital. I do call and check on her, but when she slurs her speech from the pain meds, it brings up some icky feelings of when she does that at home (while denying she's on anything) so conversations are quick.

You would think we would understand it, knowing addiction inside and out, but it really doesn't work that way, at least not for me. It doesn't matter what *I* know, my loved ones aren't ready to hear it. Gotta admit, I was the same way for a long time

Congratulations on your recovery! I began my codependent (codie) recovery the same time I began recovery from crack.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

hello-kitty

I got to the point in my recovery that I no longer wanted to be arounding fiending crack addicts for many reasons, some of which were:

I was putting my own recovery from crack addiction at risk.
I knew that all they were thinking about was smoking crack, scoring crack or getting money to score crack.
They were insane and made no sense.
They were dishonest. I couldn't trust them.
Their behavior didnt reflect any of my values.

Only you can decide the people you want in your life but for me, my time is precious to me and I want to fill it with good things, not drug addiction and the nightmares and drama that accompany it.

free2luv26

Yes I wanted to put them on blast but I didnt. I came here instead and vented. It helped to get that off my chest bc I felt better after getting it out. I guess all I can do is pray for them. I believe one has seen the light bc this person has told me he wants to stop and I believe him. I pray for them all