Drugssucks

Well, I just joined yesterday. Withdrawing from Xanax. And needing to quit alcohol. Rough night. Slept maybe an hour and a half. Laid awake most of the night afraid to fall asleep, afraid I'd never wake up again. Had twitches that scared me. Spent most of the night reflecting on the mess my life has become because of my Xanax and alcohol addiction. I have read the dangers of withdrawing from Xanax cold turkey so have taken a total of 20mg of Valium to ease the withdrawal. But I don't want to substitute one addiction for another. Haven't heard back from the addiction center I called yesterday. I did find a doctor on the internet near me that is supposed to help with opiate dependency. His office opens at 8:00am which is 45 min. from now. If I can't get in to see him today I might just have to go to the ER for help. I'm just so scared and can't shut down my brain long enough to get some sleep. Please pray for me. I prayed all last night and felt like a hypocrite but I need help and I can't do this alone.

dybehfar

Thats a lot to quit all at once. I would try and quit one first and then the other. As for the Xanax, I once took benzos under my Dr's advice for GAD. I took it for several years and I could not quit them cold turkey. I had to taper off them slowly. When I tried cold turkey, I would get to day three or four and I would be a complete mess. I cannot even describe the feelings as they were so intense(worse than alcohol in my opinion). It was like I was manic. I had to start halving doeses every week or so until I was down to a very small amount. Then I was able to skip every other day. Finally got off them.

Hang in there. By all means go see the Doctor and have him tailor a taper plan and perhaps get someone to help keep you honest by monitoring your dosing if required.

Drugssucks

Thank you, dybehfar. I had a horrid night. I had a couple of sips of wine last night because I do not want to quit everything at once, but I just couldn't stomach it. I started out with a low dosage legit prescription from my doc, but when I moved new doc. wouldn't prescribe so I resorted to the internet to buy illegally. I've never done anything so stupid in my life. I just moved up here away from family and friends and have been so lonely. The Xanax helped (or so it seemed) me cope as did the drinking. Now I'm a mess. 15 more minutes until the doctor opens.

LDT

Glad you are seeing a doctor. I had a dual addiction of Xanax and alcohol. The Xanax snuck up on me, as at first I was using it only for my chronic insomnia. Withdrawing from both was rough. I did a 3 ( or was it 4 ) day in-patient medical detox. Now you could not pay me enough to take Xanax again.....ever. It's a horrid drug.

I wish you well. With your doc's help you will get past this. Please let us know of your progress.

dybehfar

Let us know how it goes. Keep coming back here. I found being here helped me cope with the feelings. BTW I followed my taper plan first and then quit alcohol. In hindsight I unintentionally increased my alcohol intake during the taper to counter the withdrawl. That caused issues, but I had to slowly take my life back by whatever means necessary. It does get better, but can take awhile. Make sure that you set your expectations accordingly. Originally I thought it would get better in a week or two and when it didn't I returned to self medicating. This time around I gave myself two months to start to feel better and this seems to be more realistic for me.

I hope the Dr will be willing to help.

Drugssucks

Thanks LDT! I will keep everyone posted. This site has been great and so helpful in just the one day I've been here. Unfortunately, inpatient treatment for me isn't an option as I have no one up here to take care of my pets and my husband is overseas. I think I can do this outpatient and with the help of the addiction doctor and the help I'm getting here. Thank you!

Drugssucks

Oh God, help. Just talked to doctors office. 8 - 12 week waiting list. I just want to cry. How do I get thru this? At this point, I think it's mostly mental but there are still physical addiction issues going on with me. I don't know if going to the ER would help or not. I'm so lost and confused. I feel so alone and like no one can help me. I can't believe I did this to myself.

Drugssucks

Part of me just feels like it's mostly mental at this point. But I know I can't go cold-turkey for 8 - 12 weeks. I'm concerned that the ER won't be able or willing to help a "drug addict/alcoholic".

renaldo

Hi Drugssucks,

You're not a hypocrite and you're not alone. We're all here to help you through this difficult time.

- Renaldo

Drugssucks

Thanks renaldo. I just got off phone with a crisis counsellor at the local hospital. She said to come in. Gonna shower and dress and go there now. I'll keep everyone posted.

dybehfar

Take deep breaths and try to distract yourself. This will pass. The feeling and raw nerves are just that. You are not alone and many here have been through this. I know focusing on anything is difficult right now. If it is possible try and get out for a walk. I imagine it is cold up there in VT right now, but a walk outside in the cold might help. For a bit after I quit I would take Valerian root as it has a calming effect.

Did the receptionist offer you any other advice on where you could go? I imagine that they deal with this all the time and they may have some helpful advice.

Try not to fight the feelings. Finally if all else fails, I would go to the ER.

LDT

I went to the ER.....several times in fact ...... and they were most helpful! Don't be afraid.

Drugssucks

Thanks dybehfar and LDT. I did speak to the ER and I'm going to go in. I think I've gotten over the horrid part, but I'm not sure. I'm trying to stay calm (the shower helped - wish I had a bathtub in my apartment!). But I'm pretty sure my heart rate is up to a dangerous level plus my colitis is so bad I can't stop pooping (sorry..gross I know). The ER lady was nice and said to come on in and seem compassionate. My car is warming up which will take about 15 min. in this cold climate. Am feeling a bit better, just panicky and can't tell my brain to shut up. Part of this is growing up always being told not to bring my problems to other people, suck it up and deal with it yourself. I distinctly remember my mother telling me "people weren't put on this earth to help you with your problems!". Sigh. She was an alcoholic too so I guess this apple didn't fall too far from the tree. Deep healing breaths. Ok, if nothing else, maybe they can direct me to a good psychiatrist/psychologist in this area. I really want to pack up all my stuff and move back down south. Thanks everyone! I'll keep you posted.

Drugssucks

dybehfar, I have been using Valerian root and it's been great in the past. Unfortunately, it hasn't been enough for me this time around. Read some horror stories about Melatonin and so stopped using that. At this point, I'm afraid to take anything, even Advil.

LDT

Good to hear you are going to the ER . They will hydrate you, do blood work and monitor you closely for a bit. I was told they see this a lot ( especially during holidays) and somehow that made me feel less " conspicuous" ( for lack of a better word ). Relax and accept their help. You will feel so much better later..... clear headed enough to tackle your addiction full force.

stepping

Hang in there DS!

You go to the doctor or ER or whatever place can help you.

Hang in there! You are in my thoughts and I am praying for you!!

Dave42001

Thinking of you!! You will get through this!! Hang in there, ER will help!! Stay strong!! You're in my thoughts and prayers!!

Drugssucks

I didn't know if I should start a new thread or continue here. But I just wanted to thank everyone who encouraged me to go to the ER. They were so compassionate and understanding it made me cry even more. Total strangers showed me more love and consideration than I have ever felt. I was extremely dehydrated (from the colitis flare up), blood pressure was 172/101, and I was having a panic attack/anxiety from the withdrawal. They did not criticize me one bit. It was kinda funny, at one point, the nurse told me they had me in the suicide observation room because they were worried I was suicidal. I promised him I wasn't going to "off myself". They set up appointments for me with a local GP and a local GI for my colitis. I was in for about 6 hours and during that time they had quite a few other patients in emotional distress come and go. Thank you everyone for all your support and good advice. I'm ending day 4, though they put me back on Xanax for now with a plan to slowly taper off. I'm going to find an AA meeting here locally (they gave me paperwork on all the local meetings and times). Thank you again for your prayers and support. With your help I'll make to to day 5, then 6, 7, 8......

renaldo

It's a balancing act. Surely if you spew all your problems it will be a drain on your friends, so your Mum was partially right. This is a place where you can come where people understand.

Here are some numbers you can call for whatever reason:

The warm line 415-459-6330 Closes at 9pm

Friendship line 1 800 971 0016 only 8-11pm after that it's for suicide.

1-800-448-3000 Boys town national hotline for suicide and grief (you don't have to a boy, they will talk to you)

415-499-1195 Marin Crisis line (suicide/crisis)

24 / 7 / 365 day crisis hotlines: 703-527-4077

arcadia warm line 800-854-7771
seems like it's closed after hours.
It's in L.A., but I had a nice conversation with a man there.
9am-10pm M-Sat

I've had lovely conversations with people on the phone. For the most part, they're very non-judgemental. I end up just talking about any old thing, and they share their problems too, so it really helps the jones. Just know that they're doing it because it helps them too.

There may be the odd situation where they won't divulge their name. I always start by saying my name and asking the other person his/her name, because I sometimes call these numbers multiple times per day and I don't want to be a burden to any one person.

The 24 / 7 / 365 day crisis hotline re-routes you to a local hotline, so there's the possibility that you'll end up connected with someone local who you've already spoken to.

Anyway, I wish you the best. Your Mum was only partially right. Nobody wants to be around a Negative Nancy, but it's also OK to reach out for help, and the resources are there. It beats stewing in your own mess.

I spoke to a woman on one of these lines and she was a soda addict. Another woman was a shop-a-holic. These are problems that I don't have, but it was nice to hear someone talk honestly about his/her struggles. It made me feel more "normal," whatever that is.

renaldo

I was dehydrated when I went to the ER for a seizure. My platelet and iron count were down too. I was hooked up to the robo-injector to replenish what was depleted. It was humanoid in appearance. We became fast friends. Thank goodness I wasn't driving when I had the seizure. It was a withdrawal seizure. Where is that "i" before "e" rule when you need it?

I've had 2 seizures since then. I really didn't expect to live this long. It wasn't in the contract.