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I visited this site a few times while I was drinking and didn't feel like I'd ever have the strength to get sober. The serenity of those in recovery seemed completely foreign and unobtainable. I felt like my problems were unique, irresolvable, my situation hopeless. I found myself in a cycle of being too anxious to deal with even the tiniest thing without a drink, and not caring about dealing with anything once I'd had one. I drank day and night, getting enough in my system every time I woke up just so that I could fall asleep again. I couldn't look at myself in the mirror. I hurt all the time, was convinced I had damaged myself beyond repair and that there was no point getting sober.
But eventually, I wound up in rehab and I'm coming up on 90 days sober, happier than I've ever been and feeling very strong, and in decent enough health that (the doctors tell me) I can reasonably expect to continue improving with sobriety, despite several years of very heavy drinking, culminating in drinking two liters or more of vodka a day. So, to anyone in the position I was in four months ago, I say: please get yourself some help. Those things that make you anxious, make you need a drink, they'll be so much more manageable when you're clean. The things you once enjoyed that haven't meant a thing since you got lost in drink, they'll be there again. You'll sleep properly. You'll eat from hunger and not necessity. You'll talk to people again. You'll care what the weather is like. You won't be mean or violent or angry. You won't wake up with a consuming sense of dread and a lethargy that can be overcome long enough only to buy a bottle. It'll be pretty good. Honestly.
But eventually, I wound up in rehab and I'm coming up on 90 days sober, happier than I've ever been and feeling very strong, and in decent enough health that (the doctors tell me) I can reasonably expect to continue improving with sobriety, despite several years of very heavy drinking, culminating in drinking two liters or more of vodka a day. So, to anyone in the position I was in four months ago, I say: please get yourself some help. Those things that make you anxious, make you need a drink, they'll be so much more manageable when you're clean. The things you once enjoyed that haven't meant a thing since you got lost in drink, they'll be there again. You'll sleep properly. You'll eat from hunger and not necessity. You'll talk to people again. You'll care what the weather is like. You won't be mean or violent or angry. You won't wake up with a consuming sense of dread and a lethargy that can be overcome long enough only to buy a bottle. It'll be pretty good. Honestly.
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Join Date: Dec 2011
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Originally Posted by jjfromthere 
I felt like my problems were unique, irresolvable, my situation hopeless. I found myself in a cycle of being too anxious to deal with even the tiniest thing without a drink, and not caring about dealing with anything once I'd had one.
Congrats on your 90 days!
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Join Date: Dec 2012
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Cariad, there's never a perfect time to start. There will always be a bunch of things immediately ahead of you that you feel you need a drink to face and that, once they've been faced, you'll begin. But now is always better than later.
I went into rehab when I'd just moved countries, started a new job, was without an apartment. I thought that I should just put it off until I'd settled and could take some time off work, but it turns out I couldn't fix anything until I was dry. I was just rationalizing the delay of something that terrified me. AA isn't for everyone (it's not for me - I take the last three months as evidence that I am certainly not powerless over alcohol), but you should see a doctor to determine whether or not you are physically dependent. If you are, your doctor will be able to help you. If you're not, you should speak to someone, AA or not, and be honest with those closest to you. You could wake up on the 25th having been sober for ten days, a better gift to yourself and your family than any you could have bought if you'd carried on drinking so that you could manage your shopping and the other things that appear important right now.
I went into rehab when I'd just moved countries, started a new job, was without an apartment. I thought that I should just put it off until I'd settled and could take some time off work, but it turns out I couldn't fix anything until I was dry. I was just rationalizing the delay of something that terrified me. AA isn't for everyone (it's not for me - I take the last three months as evidence that I am certainly not powerless over alcohol), but you should see a doctor to determine whether or not you are physically dependent. If you are, your doctor will be able to help you. If you're not, you should speak to someone, AA or not, and be honest with those closest to you. You could wake up on the 25th having been sober for ten days, a better gift to yourself and your family than any you could have bought if you'd carried on drinking so that you could manage your shopping and the other things that appear important right now.
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