Getting older, dealing with fear of future
Power is not having to respond
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Wabbit Hole
Posts: 1,923
Getting older, dealing with fear of future
I am reaching the age I never thought I would reach. The time in your life where you're not looking forward but backward.
I have some issues I hope someone can help me with. First is my home.
When I moved in, it was perfect. Now, it just makes me fearful.
I know I won't be able to afford it in a few years and I would never sell it for what I bought it for. I can't do any improvements myself due to simply being a woman who can't.
My only income will be SS.
I live on a somewhat busy road with no immediate neighbors. Next door moved away. So, my biggest fear is a break in. In fact, the longer I live here, the more afraid I am of this. I can't sleep at night, seriously.
Please help me clear my head about this.
Thanks so much.
I have some issues I hope someone can help me with. First is my home.
When I moved in, it was perfect. Now, it just makes me fearful.
I know I won't be able to afford it in a few years and I would never sell it for what I bought it for. I can't do any improvements myself due to simply being a woman who can't.
My only income will be SS.
I live on a somewhat busy road with no immediate neighbors. Next door moved away. So, my biggest fear is a break in. In fact, the longer I live here, the more afraid I am of this. I can't sleep at night, seriously.
Please help me clear my head about this.
Thanks so much.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 2,163
I would contact a local real estate agent, and get a market value appraisal, then you will know where you truly stand.
You mentioned you are on a busy road, could this property be zoned commercial? Things to ask an agent.
Perhaps a financial advisor/planner could help you sort this out.
Sorry that you are losing sleep, I do know, where there is a will, there is a way. Is it possible to rent out a portion of your home ( roommate) ? That would give you some cashflow and you would not be living alone.
Is a security system an option?
You mentioned you are on a busy road, could this property be zoned commercial? Things to ask an agent.
Perhaps a financial advisor/planner could help you sort this out.
Sorry that you are losing sleep, I do know, where there is a will, there is a way. Is it possible to rent out a portion of your home ( roommate) ? That would give you some cashflow and you would not be living alone.
Is a security system an option?
I'm no angel!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 6,728
There are times when we need to reinvent ourselves, I believe moving into retirement is one of those times.
Six years before I retired, I sold my big house, bought a little one, went from over 4500 sq ft to less than a 1000. I am not in a retirement community (wasn't ready for that yet) however, I can walk to the grocery store, bus stop, bank and so forth. My neighbors are
of all ages and we are very helpful to each other. My previous home was on the water and the homes were on large lots, only 11 lots in the complex, the people, well lets say, that they were of the "Yacht Club" mentality and I don't do boats, bad mix for me.
A house is just a thing, yet I know that it can become a prison, I know that you do not want that to happen, might be time to put it up for sale...or...consider renting it out.
If you are fearful, if you are unhappy, perhaps now is the time to start "reinventing" yourself, there always is a way. Can any family members help you? Friends? Sometimes, all it takes is a little encouragement from someone else.
As for $$, perhaps you can consider getting a part time job to suppelemnt your SS. Last I knew one can earn up to almost 15K and not reduce your SS benefits.
I have become aware that as people age many do become more fearful of their future and that change seems to overwhelm them, perhaps your doctor can give you something to help you to be less anxious.
Sending support your way!
Six years before I retired, I sold my big house, bought a little one, went from over 4500 sq ft to less than a 1000. I am not in a retirement community (wasn't ready for that yet) however, I can walk to the grocery store, bus stop, bank and so forth. My neighbors are
of all ages and we are very helpful to each other. My previous home was on the water and the homes were on large lots, only 11 lots in the complex, the people, well lets say, that they were of the "Yacht Club" mentality and I don't do boats, bad mix for me.
A house is just a thing, yet I know that it can become a prison, I know that you do not want that to happen, might be time to put it up for sale...or...consider renting it out.
If you are fearful, if you are unhappy, perhaps now is the time to start "reinventing" yourself, there always is a way. Can any family members help you? Friends? Sometimes, all it takes is a little encouragement from someone else.
As for $$, perhaps you can consider getting a part time job to suppelemnt your SS. Last I knew one can earn up to almost 15K and not reduce your SS benefits.
I have become aware that as people age many do become more fearful of their future and that change seems to overwhelm them, perhaps your doctor can give you something to help you to be less anxious.
Sending support your way!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 62
I'm facing some of the same issue as in a few years all I will have is SS also. You have to become creative. For minimal rent my nephew lives in my finished basement. It's a little extra income and he's wonderful about helping out with things. When I retire, I think I will also have to possibly find a roommate and rent out the spare bedroom. It'll will be a big lifestyle change but it will allow me to live here comfortably. If I have to work a part time job when I retire so be it. It's better than the chaos of living with an alcoholic. Try thinking outside the box for a solution for you...best of luck.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 1,243
Habitat for Humanity is one option. They can direct you to ministries that help families with needs such as yours.
Have you considered getting involved with a church community? There are great fellowships out there that live the gospel and take care of their own like a family.
It could bring you peace of mind and perhaps a whole new direction and purpose for your future.
Just a thought... hoping and praying for your peace of mind an serenity.
Have you considered getting involved with a church community? There are great fellowships out there that live the gospel and take care of their own like a family.
It could bring you peace of mind and perhaps a whole new direction and purpose for your future.
Just a thought... hoping and praying for your peace of mind an serenity.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Starting over all over again
Posts: 4,426
Hi there Wabbit 
Thank you for posting and hangin around SR, I always love to hear from you.
What age might that be? I remember my father looking backward when he was coming up on 40. Then again he was drinking so that may have something to do with it.
My mom is different. At 87 she had outlived 3 husbands. But nobody dare call here a widow, she was single and had _two_ boyfriends to prove it. Each one over 100. She used to shoo off the aerobics instructor at her retirement community and teach the class herself. Did that with the bingo as well.
In her early 90's the cops called me because she'd broken into the community kitchen and stolen a gallon of ice cream. She was unhappy with what they were charging. When the day shift came in and found the door busted in they just called the cops thinking it was a real burglary.
In her mid-90's they quarantined the home due to some bug going around. She thought that was silly and broke out. Took her walker down two block, bought a couple of gallons of ice cream, pain the attendant to carry them back for her. One gallon for the cop guarding the front door of the home, the other to spread around her friends.
I got to know the town sheriff pretty good
I think _I_ have reached that age. My docs keep telling me I don't have much time left. My insides are a mess, the cyst in my brain is still growing, every night I wake up half a dozen times because my blood sugar dropped too low, or my blood pressure is too high, or my lungs just slowed down and I'm not getting enough air.
The day is a circus of watching my glucometer, my blood pressure cuff, looking over charts to figure out which med now, except if it will it's too soon after some other med I took earlier. Some day it just doesn't work and something gets out of whack. I feel _awful_. My body temperature swings from one end to the other, I get a massive headache that flashes in like a tidal wave and then is gone.
The meds have given me a really bad case of osteoporosis in my lower spine. The swings in blood pressure gave me an aneurism in my brain. Every time the docs tell me to give up it just irritates me. I tell them that kind of attitude is not going to encourage me to get their bills paid.
I'm too sick to go out tonight, and I have to keep running to the bathroom, so I'm watching Michael Flatley and RiverDance on the 'puter. Tomorrow I'm going to my fav Saturday meeting. The sicker I get the angrier I get. I'm not giving up, not now, not ever.
If I give up.... I become my father. That's not happening.
Find a way, Wabbit. You are afraid of your house? Find another one. Sell yours, find a property management company and let them rent it for you. You're going to be getting SS? Good. Find another woman who will be getting SS and both of you find a new place to live.
Whatever you do, Wabbit. Don't give up. That's worse than dying, you end up being like the drunks that raised us. Go do something good for yourself; get a banana split, take a warm bath, pick up some fallen branches and turn them into little Xmas trees.
How much have you survived, Wabbit? What horrors and nightmares? You can do this. You've overcome much, much worse before.
and you have us all here on SR cheering you on
Mike
Thank you for posting and hangin around SR, I always love to hear from you.
Originally Posted by Wascally Wabbit 
...I am reaching the age I never thought I would reach. The time in your life where you're not looking forward but backward. ....
My mom is different. At 87 she had outlived 3 husbands. But nobody dare call here a widow, she was single and had _two_ boyfriends to prove it. Each one over 100. She used to shoo off the aerobics instructor at her retirement community and teach the class herself. Did that with the bingo as well.
In her early 90's the cops called me because she'd broken into the community kitchen and stolen a gallon of ice cream. She was unhappy with what they were charging. When the day shift came in and found the door busted in they just called the cops thinking it was a real burglary.
In her mid-90's they quarantined the home due to some bug going around. She thought that was silly and broke out. Took her walker down two block, bought a couple of gallons of ice cream, pain the attendant to carry them back for her. One gallon for the cop guarding the front door of the home, the other to spread around her friends.
I got to know the town sheriff pretty good
Originally Posted by Wascally Wabbit
... The time in your life where you're not looking forward but backward.....
The day is a circus of watching my glucometer, my blood pressure cuff, looking over charts to figure out which med now, except if it will it's too soon after some other med I took earlier. Some day it just doesn't work and something gets out of whack. I feel _awful_. My body temperature swings from one end to the other, I get a massive headache that flashes in like a tidal wave and then is gone.
The meds have given me a really bad case of osteoporosis in my lower spine. The swings in blood pressure gave me an aneurism in my brain. Every time the docs tell me to give up it just irritates me. I tell them that kind of attitude is not going to encourage me to get their bills paid.
I'm too sick to go out tonight, and I have to keep running to the bathroom, so I'm watching Michael Flatley and RiverDance on the 'puter. Tomorrow I'm going to my fav Saturday meeting. The sicker I get the angrier I get. I'm not giving up, not now, not ever.
If I give up.... I become my father. That's not happening.
Find a way, Wabbit. You are afraid of your house? Find another one. Sell yours, find a property management company and let them rent it for you. You're going to be getting SS? Good. Find another woman who will be getting SS and both of you find a new place to live.
Whatever you do, Wabbit. Don't give up. That's worse than dying, you end up being like the drunks that raised us. Go do something good for yourself; get a banana split, take a warm bath, pick up some fallen branches and turn them into little Xmas trees.
How much have you survived, Wabbit? What horrors and nightmares? You can do this. You've overcome much, much worse before.
and you have us all here on SR cheering you on
Mike
Member
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: PA
Posts: 985
I remember feeling this way when I came here. I resisted the advice to move forward happily out of fear. Since then I came to terms with the fear and accepted that I am only as old as I think I am.
I didn't think I could make it on my own - had a head filled with many bad memories and lonely to boot. Learning to manage a home on my own was a overwhelming nightmare for me that kept me up most nights. And a lot broke down of course and so I learned.
I fortunately live in a small community so I do have neighbors but did not talk to them out of embarrassment. When I learned to greet and meet them - I opened a door with many possibilities. Found out I wasn't the only single on the block- so we share info on the best repair jobs - found out their was a handyman in the neighborhood who is very friendly and helpful. We have each learned more about how to fix things in the house and so can at least give "first aid" to each other.
I still wonder about staying because of the expense but no longer fear handling things on my own. Every so often I do consult a realitor to "look" in case I find something else I like better. I even had two places in mind and after spending ample time in both places as an outsider - I determined it was not a good fit for me. I am in no hurry at this point.
Finances is another area of fear I had and learned I was doing OK. Friends and co workers recommend me to part time jobs to help out if I choose - again something I never foresaw happening - connections.
Someone who was concerned for me living alone reminded me that making connections with as many people as possible increases the chances of someone being available when needed. I never thought when I first came here that I would find the connections I needed nor the activity to support my growth. Now my kids consider me to have more of a social life than they do - people do check on me often now - and I continue to meet new people through various activities I thought I would never know.
I guess what I am saying is that take one day at a time in your thinking or planning - give yourself time to make decisions based on your wants/needs and not your fears. I have experienced so much more of what I wanted and did not seem to get before I separated from my XAH in life once I got past the fear and shame - rejoined the world - all the decisions and fears have gone. Everyday new opportunitys present themselves to let me know there are so many options afterall. Good luck with your search.
I didn't think I could make it on my own - had a head filled with many bad memories and lonely to boot. Learning to manage a home on my own was a overwhelming nightmare for me that kept me up most nights. And a lot broke down of course and so I learned.
I fortunately live in a small community so I do have neighbors but did not talk to them out of embarrassment. When I learned to greet and meet them - I opened a door with many possibilities. Found out I wasn't the only single on the block- so we share info on the best repair jobs - found out their was a handyman in the neighborhood who is very friendly and helpful. We have each learned more about how to fix things in the house and so can at least give "first aid" to each other.
I still wonder about staying because of the expense but no longer fear handling things on my own. Every so often I do consult a realitor to "look" in case I find something else I like better. I even had two places in mind and after spending ample time in both places as an outsider - I determined it was not a good fit for me. I am in no hurry at this point.
Finances is another area of fear I had and learned I was doing OK. Friends and co workers recommend me to part time jobs to help out if I choose - again something I never foresaw happening - connections.
Someone who was concerned for me living alone reminded me that making connections with as many people as possible increases the chances of someone being available when needed. I never thought when I first came here that I would find the connections I needed nor the activity to support my growth. Now my kids consider me to have more of a social life than they do - people do check on me often now - and I continue to meet new people through various activities I thought I would never know.
I guess what I am saying is that take one day at a time in your thinking or planning - give yourself time to make decisions based on your wants/needs and not your fears. I have experienced so much more of what I wanted and did not seem to get before I separated from my XAH in life once I got past the fear and shame - rejoined the world - all the decisions and fears have gone. Everyday new opportunitys present themselves to let me know there are so many options afterall. Good luck with your search.
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