FedUpinFL

Hello,

I just discovered this forum today after I googled "alcoholic spouse help"
My husband of 5 years is an alcoholic and I am bipolar. Bad combination.
I am at the point where I am seriously wanting to end the marriage. He will not commit to getting sober. And it's bringing out the worst in me - and I do take my bipolar meds every day and don't drink. He has never been abusive physically or emotionally but his drinking and lying about his drinking have made ME violent on a few occasions (breaking & destroying things around the house)

FedUpinFL

MythOfSisyphus

Welcome, FedUp! I'm not sure what I can say. If he doesn't want to stop or even admit he has a problem there isn't much you can do. You can't make someone else change. It may be time for you to change, as in leave.

Dee74

I'm really sorry for your situation FedUp.

If things are getting to that point then I think yes you need to think about your welfare and well being.

You'll find a lot of support and understanding here tho

I can also recommend our Family & Friends forum area too

Welcome to SR
D

IndaMiricale

Welcome as it was said, you found a great place for support.

Natom

Hey Fedup,

Welcome to the forums. It sounds like you are in a very turbulent place at the moment. You have decided to seek advice, experience and support about it so that is absolutely fantastic. As has been said check out the family and friends forum, there's going to be a lot of information in there that will be beneficial to you and your situation.

As a recovering addict I can just say that your husband will not stop drinking until he wants too. No amount of cajouling or pressure will change him but hopefully he will get to a point where he wants to change for himself.

Are there any free relationship counselling services in your area. It may be worth checking to see what other type of support is available for you in your local area. I wish you all the best.

Natom.

amityville

hi fed up, i'm sorry you're having such a lousy time. it's so frustrating trying to make somebody see sense and wake up to what they have and what they could lose... my own experience with my xabf/fiance- made me ill, and held me back in my own life. i was beating my head against the wall with him for so long. the past few months it got worse, it's over now and i just wish i'd stepped back long ago before letting him take everything he took from me (self esteem, respect, sanity, boundaries, capability to tell right from wrong.. etc...).
as hard as it must be for you, you are doing the right thing putting yourself first and standing up for yourself, keep that momentum going!
for my own part i think the longer i left my xa get away with his behaviour, the less respect he had for me. i don't know what to say re. ending the marriage, but he must realize the effect he is having on you. in my opinion it shows total disregard for your well being, and nobody deserves that. take care of yourself and be strong, xox

FedUpinFL

Thank you all so much for your empathy and advice everyone. When he came home from work he said why are you in such a bad mood. I told him I was going to file for divorce next year. It just kind of slipped out.

Now he's looking for a place to live (the house is in my name) and I haven't shed one tear. But I know they will come.

Zube

Hey there Fed Up,

Welcome! When I Lived in FL they had AWESOME A.A. meetings. They probably have just as awesome Al-Anon meetings. Might help you keep your sanity during these trying times.

Best Wishes to you,
Zube

BTW- "You can carry the message, but you cannot carry the alcoholic"

FreeFall

Great quote Zube!

Good luck FedUp-I'm sure there are support groups that might be able to help you deal with all of this. I'm sorry ending it seems to be the only solution. Maybe it will be a wake up call to him to do something about his drinking.