Reasonable or Needy?
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Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Alabama
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Reasonable or Needy?
Most of you know I have a bone marrow aspiration and bone marrow biopsy on the 20th. here is where my question comes in I want my husband to take part of that day off work and go with me maybe I shouldn't be but I will admit I am scared.
Now that that is said the test is set for 7:45 he has to be at work at 8:00 I know his boss would understand if he was late for a few hours I love his boss to pieces yes it is also almost Christmas and he has been paying the bills he incurred the new yet used truck he got a loan for , and I assume bills I don't wanna know about heis almost caught up I can get my daughter to go with me she said she will I could also go alone.
I for whatever reason want my husband to go I have been searching my motives for this would it make me feel he cares yes, yet he has been showing that in many ways so...
I am unsure of why hence why I am asking the people I trust most am I being reasonable or needy?
Now that that is said the test is set for 7:45 he has to be at work at 8:00 I know his boss would understand if he was late for a few hours I love his boss to pieces yes it is also almost Christmas and he has been paying the bills he incurred the new yet used truck he got a loan for , and I assume bills I don't wanna know about heis almost caught up I can get my daughter to go with me she said she will I could also go alone.
I for whatever reason want my husband to go I have been searching my motives for this would it make me feel he cares yes, yet he has been showing that in many ways so...
I am unsure of why hence why I am asking the people I trust most am I being reasonable or needy?
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Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: New York
Posts: 775
Reasonable and I wouldnt let m wife go alone. My boss would not understand but I would make that happen. I would tell him you need him to do this that you are scared its ok to be voneralbe sometimes. I read here alot but dont know your situation I hope for you he goes and you get the outcome your looking for good luck and yes again reasonable
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 49
If you are scared and have conveyed that to your husband then I would think that he would make an effort to accompany you. If it created issues with his boss, I could understand if the answer was no, but until he made the effort to discuss at least the 'option' with his boss and offered to make up for the time if it was feasible, I would hope h would exhaust this option before saying no at least.
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Michigan
Posts: 120
CB, I will keep you in my prayers! I would be scared too! The unknow and fear could consume one if not for a faith and the ability to accept and trust! Trust in a God of ones understanding to comfort and give peace in the midst of a crisis! I pray the God of your understanding does just that for you and provides you with the support you need! Also a healing and strength physically, mentallly, emotionally and spiritually!
As for the support of your husband.... I too would want mine there and showing me his love and devotion and support, however if my daughter could and y husband could not then I would have to accept that, did not say like it but accept it! Me I guess I would express how much I would love for him to be there for me and ask if he could go.... and if he does not or can not, I would have to remind myself of expectations and resentment piece and the powerlessness of people places and things and acceptance. This is and would be the only way I could keep my peace and sernity. And under the circumstances one would need all that they can get!
Hugs sweetie, remember also that all of the wonderful loving and supportive people on this site that love you in a very special way, would all be there for you on the 20th if they could... they would have to get extra rooms for all of your supporters! Clearly they can't be there in the flesh but you can bet your sweet patootie they all will be there in spirit! So when your there next Thursday just take a moment and imagine the rooms if they all could come physically what that would look like! Hold on to that thought and image maybe that will help some!
Sharon
As for the support of your husband.... I too would want mine there and showing me his love and devotion and support, however if my daughter could and y husband could not then I would have to accept that, did not say like it but accept it! Me I guess I would express how much I would love for him to be there for me and ask if he could go.... and if he does not or can not, I would have to remind myself of expectations and resentment piece and the powerlessness of people places and things and acceptance. This is and would be the only way I could keep my peace and sernity. And under the circumstances one would need all that they can get!
Hugs sweetie, remember also that all of the wonderful loving and supportive people on this site that love you in a very special way, would all be there for you on the 20th if they could... they would have to get extra rooms for all of your supporters! Clearly they can't be there in the flesh but you can bet your sweet patootie they all will be there in spirit! So when your there next Thursday just take a moment and imagine the rooms if they all could come physically what that would look like! Hold on to that thought and image maybe that will help some!
Sharon
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Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Ireland
Posts: 1,641
I don't have advice here, but just want to say, if your daughter is willing to go on her own steam and without too much prodding, take her with you. You deserve genuine support.
The best of luck to you and I hope it goes well for you.
I had to have tests done recently, was dreading them.
All done, and totally not bad at all.
Glad you are getting checked out.
The best of luck to you and I hope it goes well for you.
I had to have tests done recently, was dreading them.
All done, and totally not bad at all.
Glad you are getting checked out.
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
You are scared. And that's totally understandable! It's absolutely normal to want support when facing a scary procedure. My concern is that you want him to go and if he doesn't go or he doesn't provide support in the manner you wish/need him to, your fear could be compounded by disappointment.
We'll all be there with you in spirit, Angie. I know it's not the same as having a dear friend or loved one go with you........but you'll be in my prayers.
gentle hugs
ke
We'll all be there with you in spirit, Angie. I know it's not the same as having a dear friend or loved one go with you........but you'll be in my prayers.
gentle hugs
ke
Getting there!!
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
My husband always came with me for some very scary Dr appts. In the height of my codependency, I was more concerned and worried how long it was taking, how much work he was missing, etc. I made myself more stressed with him there. It wasn't him, it was me.
My last oncologist appt, he came and I was very relaxed. I was glad he came.
My point is, wanting him to be there is very reasonable but how will it effect you?
Praying you have a positive outcome!!
My last oncologist appt, he came and I was very relaxed. I was glad he came.
My point is, wanting him to be there is very reasonable but how will it effect you?
Praying you have a positive outcome!!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Alabama
Posts: 1,741
Originally Posted by tbeit 
Reasonable and I wouldnt let m wife go alone. My boss would not understand but I would make that happen. I would tell him you need him to do this that you are scared its ok to be voneralbe sometimes. I read here alot but dont know your situation I hope for you he goes and you get the outcome your looking for good luck and yes again reasonable
He has always hated doctors appointments of anyone's and is still smoking pot that I know of addicts don't think like average guys , he came to most of our sons major appointments when he was going through his cancer like the biopsys, but that was all there he just is not a doctors guy.
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Location: Alabama
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Originally Posted by bunkie65
CB, I will keep you in my prayers! I would be scared too! The unknow and fear could consume one if not for a faith and the ability to accept and trust! Trust in a God of ones understanding to comfort and give peace in the midst of a crisis! I pray the God of your understanding does just that for you and provides you with the support you need! Also a healing and strength physically, mentallly, emotionally and spiritually!
As for the support of your husband.... I too would want mine there and showing me his love and devotion and support, however if my daughter could and y husband could not then I would have to accept that, did not say like it but accept it! Me I guess I would express how much I would love for him to be there for me and ask if he could go.... and if he does not or can not, I would have to remind myself of expectations and resentment piece and the powerlessness of people places and things and acceptance. This is and would be the only way I could keep my peace and sernity. And under the circumstances one would need all that they can get!
Hugs sweetie, remember also that all of the wonderful loving and supportive people on this site that love you in a very special way, would all be there for you on the 20th if they could... they would have to get extra rooms for all of your supporters! Clearly they can't be there in the flesh but you can bet your sweet patootie they all will be there in spirit! So when your there next Thursday just take a moment and imagine the rooms if they all could come physically what that would look like! Hold on to that thought and image maybe that will help some!
Sharon
As for the support of your husband.... I too would want mine there and showing me his love and devotion and support, however if my daughter could and y husband could not then I would have to accept that, did not say like it but accept it! Me I guess I would express how much I would love for him to be there for me and ask if he could go.... and if he does not or can not, I would have to remind myself of expectations and resentment piece and the powerlessness of people places and things and acceptance. This is and would be the only way I could keep my peace and sernity. And under the circumstances one would need all that they can get!
Hugs sweetie, remember also that all of the wonderful loving and supportive people on this site that love you in a very special way, would all be there for you on the 20th if they could... they would have to get extra rooms for all of your supporters! Clearly they can't be there in the flesh but you can bet your sweet patootie they all will be there in spirit! So when your there next Thursday just take a moment and imagine the rooms if they all could come physically what that would look like! Hold on to that thought and image maybe that will help some!
Sharon
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Alabama
Posts: 1,741
Originally Posted by Hollyanne
I don't have advice here, but just want to say, if your daughter is willing to go on her own steam and without too much prodding, take her with you. You deserve genuine support.
The best of luck to you and I hope it goes well for you.
I had to have tests done recently, was dreading them.
All done, and totally not bad at all.
Glad you are getting checked out.
The best of luck to you and I hope it goes well for you.
I had to have tests done recently, was dreading them.
All done, and totally not bad at all.
Glad you are getting checked out.
I am glad your test turned out OK.
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Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Alabama
Posts: 1,741
Originally Posted by Kindeyes
You are scared. And that's totally understandable! It's absolutely normal to want support when facing a scary procedure. My concern is that you want him to go and if he doesn't go or he doesn't provide support in the manner you wish/need him to, your fear could be compounded by disappointment.
We'll all be there with you in spirit, Angie. I know it's not the same as having a dear friend or loved one go with you........but you'll be in my prayers.
gentle hugs
ke
We'll all be there with you in spirit, Angie. I know it's not the same as having a dear friend or loved one go with you........but you'll be in my prayers.
gentle hugs
ke
Your point of concern is a valid one and I wondered the same so I suppose my gut was right.
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Originally Posted by dollydo
I think it is reasonable, and, I would select the person who is more eager to be there for you!
Best Wishes
Best Wishes
My SR. family is made of people full of wisdom in many areas of life.
I love all of you dearly.
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.. and if he does not or can not, I would have to remind myself of expectations and resentment piece and the powerlessness of people places and things and acceptance. This is and would be the only way I could keep my peace and sernity. And under the circumstances one would need all that they can get!
Expectations, wow thanks that is what I have and I should have none my resentment price would be too high.
Expectations, wow thanks that is what I have and I should have none my resentment price would be too high.
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