ericam24

A little background my bf of almost 2 years has been sober for 2 weeks, i donot beleive it was by choice but his liver is huge and has been have serve pain. he was in the hospital the day before turkey day until that monday, and has not had a drink since. He was also in hospital in aug from withdrawls he had a seizor infront of me in the er. and was in icu. went back to drinking 2 weeks later.
He seems angry at the world. I tried to wake him last night and he yelled about because he is tired. he has majorly changed he loves me but is soo differnt thatn before, he was always very affectionate. I felt like a queen now when we are together he just watches tv and i feel like i am bothering him.
I know i should have seen the red flags but co depenant me didnt. he was so differnt from my exabf.

i just want to scream at him.
I want to be supportive, but i dont feel like i am getting the same on his end
thanks for help. I also posted this in f&f section

firebolt

From what I've read, it sounds like you have to be supporting and loving regardless. Yeah, basically it's all about them. lol

Anywho - it seems like this is the very reason many of us "codies" dread the A's recovery - when we should be ecstatic about it. They hate the world if they can't drink in it.

We have to make ourselves happy - entertain ourselves, take care of ourselves, enjoy life by ourselves - and that will set an example for him. Hopefully. (this is coming from a codie in a depressive rut so take that with a grain of salt!)

He's got a pretty big struggle going on right now that only he can work out for himself. Defeating huh?! So much for a partnership huh?! He probably isn't going to be much of a loving supportive partner until he works it out (and that could take a LONG time)...but then again, was he really when he was drinking?

Best of luck to you - YOU will get through this happily. His part is up to him.:ghug3

BlueSkies1

Don't take it personally. No doubt the doctors told him that if he drinks any longer he will die shortly because of it. He's angry because he can't drink. He has no choices anymore, it's sobriety or death. That has backed him into a corner.
He's not angry with you...he's angry AT you because you are physically there. He would be angry at a stuffed animal if you weren't there. He would be angry at a chair, a kitten, and his version of god too. Anything and anybody within reach.
So how can you not take it personally? That's the job for you to do...take your mind's focus off him, and put it back on yourself. You have a job here to do. That job is to take care of yourself and learn how to stop taking his crap personally. It's an enlightening moment when you realize his anger has nothing to do with you.

dollydo

If this is the same boyfriend of two years ago, this has been going on for a very long time and nothing really has improved and it won't until he hops on the recovery train, for life. If this is a new alcoholic boyfriend, I would ask myself why I keep choosing men who have addiction issues.

Is your child still with you? If so, I would say that this is not a healthy enviornment for her, a child should never be raised in a home where addiction is present. Children carry their childhood into adulthood.

Perhaps it's time to work on you, for you to get healthy and leave his recovery up to him.

amityville

it sucks caring so much about someone who makes you feel as though you're an inconvenience- or maybe a convenience depending on the mood they're in? i've just read this post here and it sounded v. familiar to me! don't ignore the warning signs...i would run, i didn't with my xabf of 4yrs..i chose to be there for him, but all i became was a crutch.
but everyone is different, he could come round, in the meantime i would be careful and not allow myself to focus so much on him. he sounds like he's taking you for granted right now. you care about him, make him earn it! he may not like it and see it as you making his life difficult but you deserve to be appreciated. he'll only lose respect for you if you let him treat you with such indifference. my xa treated me like a princess for the first yr or two, i could not believe my luck! but the memories of those times ended trapping me later on. there is a difference between what you hope for and how things really are, i ignored it and so wish i hadn't!
mind yourself and don't forget to enjoy YOUR life!

ericam24

Thank you y'all for all the kind words and the ones I really need to hear. This is a new abf. My kids are still with me they live with me full time. I will have more timer later just have to get kids in bed. Thank you again