AH - Overdosed - but it's ok, it was recreational!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: PA
Posts: 76
AH - Overdosed - but it's ok, it was recreational!
I have been working very hard to not engage in the behavior of my AH. He has insisted for the past week that he was clean. I asked where the severe withdrawal signs were (opiates, specifically Heroin, have become his DOC) he told me he was fighting them to get done what I needed him to get done. He really believes it when he says he.
He went to our family doctor and got a prescription for Colonzapam to help with withdrawal. I know that he's been using, as his behaviors say it loud and clear. Yesterday he had been in bed for 36 hours straight with no food or liquid - so I thought. I tried to wake him to drink a fruit smoothie - and noticed a shot glass - realized he was drinking rum as well. I found the bottle of rum and dumped it down the sink. He then took the entire bottle of colonzapam and put it in his mouth. At that point I walked out of the room. I will not engage in these games. I didn't know if he took the whole bottle or not.
Fast forward 2 hours later and his drug dealer is knocking on my door - selling me some story that my AH needs to come fix something at his house. I told him he was passed out, I knew exactly why he was there, I had no money and he wouldn't get any from me. Asked him what he expected in dealing with addicts - of course they'll screw you....it's what they do. When I returned to the bedroom - my AH was pretty much unconscious. I was unable to find the pills, only a few scattered on the bed. I debated what to do....isn't that sad? I called 911.
While the paramedics were working on him - I found a tracphone he must have been using to communicate with his dealers so I wouldn't see it on the phone bill. When the police arrived I tried to give them the phone telling them it had names and numbers of various dealers - even told him one had come to my door today. The response - I'm sorry we can't take that - its his, not yours. Really? He told me to go to the hospital, explain what had happened and ask to have him committed under a 302 - harmful to themselves.
I went to the hospital, attempted to do so, and the doctor told me that my AH had requested no medical info be given to me, and at this time it appeared to be a recreational OD - not harmful to himself so there was nothing I could do. I politely said thanks and left the hospital. I don't know what they'll do with him. I would love to say that I don't care - but I do. I keep telling myself that I left him in God's hands and he can do a much better job than I can. It will be very hard for me when he calls looking for a ride, or when he returns home - but I have to be strong for my children. Please pray for our family.
He went to our family doctor and got a prescription for Colonzapam to help with withdrawal. I know that he's been using, as his behaviors say it loud and clear. Yesterday he had been in bed for 36 hours straight with no food or liquid - so I thought. I tried to wake him to drink a fruit smoothie - and noticed a shot glass - realized he was drinking rum as well. I found the bottle of rum and dumped it down the sink. He then took the entire bottle of colonzapam and put it in his mouth. At that point I walked out of the room. I will not engage in these games. I didn't know if he took the whole bottle or not.
Fast forward 2 hours later and his drug dealer is knocking on my door - selling me some story that my AH needs to come fix something at his house. I told him he was passed out, I knew exactly why he was there, I had no money and he wouldn't get any from me. Asked him what he expected in dealing with addicts - of course they'll screw you....it's what they do. When I returned to the bedroom - my AH was pretty much unconscious. I was unable to find the pills, only a few scattered on the bed. I debated what to do....isn't that sad? I called 911.
While the paramedics were working on him - I found a tracphone he must have been using to communicate with his dealers so I wouldn't see it on the phone bill. When the police arrived I tried to give them the phone telling them it had names and numbers of various dealers - even told him one had come to my door today. The response - I'm sorry we can't take that - its his, not yours. Really? He told me to go to the hospital, explain what had happened and ask to have him committed under a 302 - harmful to themselves.
I went to the hospital, attempted to do so, and the doctor told me that my AH had requested no medical info be given to me, and at this time it appeared to be a recreational OD - not harmful to himself so there was nothing I could do. I politely said thanks and left the hospital. I don't know what they'll do with him. I would love to say that I don't care - but I do. I keep telling myself that I left him in God's hands and he can do a much better job than I can. It will be very hard for me when he calls looking for a ride, or when he returns home - but I have to be strong for my children. Please pray for our family.
I'm no angel!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 6,728
If you really want him out of the house, now is your chance.
I feel sorry for your children, they should not be exposed to all of his nonsense. They will carry their childhood into adulthood, sad.
I feel sorry for your children, they should not be exposed to all of his nonsense. They will carry their childhood into adulthood, sad.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
I have to be strong for my children. Please pray for our family.
My oldest daughter, now 34, lived the first 8 years of her life with the insanity of my addictions. My first husband divorced me after 3 years and rightfully so. Then I met my second husband, also an addict and it was a marriage of opportunity, but I convinced myself that he was my soulmate. Um, more like my drugging partner.
So my oldest got to live 5 more years with the insanity of two addicts in her life.
We had dealers there. We had buyers there. We had drug cronies who came over to party there. We had the police there. We had very angry people show up who wanted their money.
My oldest started her own journey into addiction at age 15.
What do you want for your children's future, what you are currently living?
I will carry the guilt of the damage I wrought on my oldest to my grave.
Praying for all of you.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 4,269
Addiction excuses nothing, including the 250 times he has stolen from you and the family. I cannot imagine choosing to live like this.
Are you still planning on relocating next year? Not allowing him to return home might be a giant step towards your own recovery from codependency.
Are you still planning on relocating next year? Not allowing him to return home might be a giant step towards your own recovery from codependency.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 267
I'm so sorry you're going through this. It is so amazing that an addict's "rights" trump common sense...but I guess there's a message for you here. The "system" is content to let him destroy himself if he chooses. However, you have an option to give up your front row seat to the dram and chaos that addiction brings to your life, if you are ready.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: PA
Posts: 76
I would love to not allow him to return to my home. He called from the hospital this morning and I hung up as soon as I heard his voice. He found someone from our church to bring him home. They asked if he could come home and I said No. Guess what - they brought him anyway - because he had no place to go. Please tell me how to keep him out? I have talked to the police - they know the situation.
I am planning on moving - I just keep making plans. I know what addiction does to a child....I am living with my father. I am trying to do what is right. No one on this site can be harder on me than myself. I just don't know what to do next. I am frozen. I am so tired and exhausted.
I am planning on moving - I just keep making plans. I know what addiction does to a child....I am living with my father. I am trying to do what is right. No one on this site can be harder on me than myself. I just don't know what to do next. I am frozen. I am so tired and exhausted.
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 267
Do you have a lawyer? If you can't afford one, call legal aid to find out exactly what you need to do legally to keep him out.
I'd also suggest attending an AlAnon (or NarAnon meeting). You'll meet people there who are going through - or have successfully lived through - what you are going through. Whether you choose to share or not at your first meeting, make sure to get a phone list. Having people to talk to can help ease the despair a bit, as you won't feel so isolated.
Take care of yourself- try to eat healthy - and regular meals - and get to sleep. Go for a walk, read, listen to music- wherever you find solace. Even carving out 10 minutes will help keep you balanced. Hug your kids. And know that you are on the right path. There is joy, and laughter, and peace in your future.
I'd also suggest attending an AlAnon (or NarAnon meeting). You'll meet people there who are going through - or have successfully lived through - what you are going through. Whether you choose to share or not at your first meeting, make sure to get a phone list. Having people to talk to can help ease the despair a bit, as you won't feel so isolated.
Take care of yourself- try to eat healthy - and regular meals - and get to sleep. Go for a walk, read, listen to music- wherever you find solace. Even carving out 10 minutes will help keep you balanced. Hug your kids. And know that you are on the right path. There is joy, and laughter, and peace in your future.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 4,269
I used to be very hard on myself. Then I realized that I was using being hard on myself as an excuse to avoid doing anything to change my own outcome.
Change the locks.
He's resourceful and will find someplace else to crash.
It really is this simple to protect yourself and minor children from the chaos.
Change the locks.
He's resourceful and will find someplace else to crash.
It really is this simple to protect yourself and minor children from the chaos.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
One of the self deceptions that we are really good at is that there are no options. We become frozen in fear and a bundle of anxiety. It sounds like that's where you're at. Many of us have been there too. We do understand.
One of my favorite favorite favorite sayings is: I don't have problems, I just have solutions I don't like.
If you think about your situation hard, there are many, many solutions to the problem....you just don't like them.
Try this.....write down a list of solutions....even if you don't like them.....even if the solutions you write down are completely unacceptable......write them down. You'll be amazed at how many solutions there actually are.......
It took me a very long time to accept solutions that I didn't like.....
Take care of you. Take care of the children. You and your family are in my prayers.
gentle hugs
ke
One of my favorite favorite favorite sayings is: I don't have problems, I just have solutions I don't like.
If you think about your situation hard, there are many, many solutions to the problem....you just don't like them.
Try this.....write down a list of solutions....even if you don't like them.....even if the solutions you write down are completely unacceptable......write them down. You'll be amazed at how many solutions there actually are.......
It took me a very long time to accept solutions that I didn't like.....
Take care of you. Take care of the children. You and your family are in my prayers.
gentle hugs
ke
I'm no angel!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 6,728
Sometimes we have to say what we mean and mean what we say. I would have told the driver to take him to the Salvation Army, to the church, to his parents or better yet, home with him.
I think KE said it best.
I think KE said it best.
Getting there!!
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
To me, not engaging means not looking at the phone bill, not looking for the rum and dumping it out....and especially not bringing him in a smoothie.
My husband became an addict on pain pills (originally prescribed), I had no idea! Then I was too scared, naive and ignorant to believe it, so I stayed in denial. Then, the fear and anxiety had me paralyzed!! I had no idea what to do and still believed I could save him or at least control it.
I couldn't, only he (and God) could.
My heart goes out to your kids and my prayers are with you all.
My husband became an addict on pain pills (originally prescribed), I had no idea! Then I was too scared, naive and ignorant to believe it, so I stayed in denial. Then, the fear and anxiety had me paralyzed!! I had no idea what to do and still believed I could save him or at least control it.
I couldn't, only he (and God) could.
My heart goes out to your kids and my prayers are with you all.
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Midwest USA
Posts: 2,284
Hospitals tend to not really like addicts for good reason. They become very demanding wanting certain drugs, food, ect.. They have also been known to talk good well meaning doctors in getting what they want.
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Anytown
Posts: 59
rcutch, I'm facing similar this week. AH's family is trying to guilt me into letting him back home, despite me telling them it is not an option. AH is being discharged from hospital and they are going to pick him up. I'm trying not to project, but chances are they'll bring him here. They'll need to break down the door, because I am not answering it. If they do, I'll call the police. His name isn't on the deed for the house and I'll get restraining orders for them all if I need to.
I've had enough and I'm not going to take it anymore!!
I've had enough and I'm not going to take it anymore!!
Curmudgeon, Electrical Engineer, Guitar God Wannabe
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Where the mighty arms of Atlas hold the heavens from the Earth
Posts: 3,403
Let me ask you a pointed question.
How can you leave your AH in "God's hands" while he occupies the same space as you and your children? I imagine that has to be difficult for all involved.
I see you joined the board in 2005 but have only 19 posts. I'm not familiar with your story, or your background, but in a way that almost doesn't matter. The bottom line is you choose to live with someone that will, one day, take you down with him. And if you don't believe me, then all you have to do is read some of the posts here from other women that have been in a similar spot as you. It's not a question of "if" he'll bring you down, it's "when".
Please, be safe.
ZoSo
How can you leave your AH in "God's hands" while he occupies the same space as you and your children? I imagine that has to be difficult for all involved.
I see you joined the board in 2005 but have only 19 posts. I'm not familiar with your story, or your background, but in a way that almost doesn't matter. The bottom line is you choose to live with someone that will, one day, take you down with him. And if you don't believe me, then all you have to do is read some of the posts here from other women that have been in a similar spot as you. It's not a question of "if" he'll bring you down, it's "when".
Please, be safe.
ZoSo
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 285
Hi - I'm one of the many on this site that have lived and been where you are. I read the posts here for years and all the stories of the others that lived through where I was a the time and I couldn't see my options then either. I rationalized all the reasons why I continued to stay. If anyone would have told me 1 year ago that I would put a restraining order on my xAH, call the police when he violated the order (by calling to tell me he loves me and will do whatever I want to get help), tell his family that I could not bring his clothes to the inpatient facility / psychiatric ward but I can pack a suitcase for one of them to bring it to him, and take all legal action necessary to ensure he will NOT have unsupervised visits with the kids unless he is positively sober and working a strong program, I would have said what type of monster do you think I am. Here's the reality, I'm not a monster, I realized that by staying and giving him a loving supportive home, I endangered myself and my children. I reached my point of no return and realized that I was no match for addiction and it will take me down hard if I let it. This decision does not come easily, you will know when you are ready, there will be no doubt. I reached a point that I became more afraid of staying for me and my children. I pray for you and your family.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: PA
Posts: 76
Originally Posted by supportforme 
This decision does not come easily, you will know when you are ready, there will be no doubt. I reached a point that I became more afraid of staying for me and my children. I pray for you and your family.
My counselor asked me what is holding me here. Why do I hang on. My answer, if I move out then he wins. Silly me, when I heard it out loud how ridiculous it sounds - I am holding on for a house, not my life, not my kids life, a house! Tonight in the midst of his latest drama, my daughter said to me - we can't move, if we do, then he wins. What a slap in the face - look what I have taught her.
I have written the word Grace on the palm of my hand for the last 3 days. I thought I wrote it to remind me that I need to show my AH grace, not accept his behavior, just grace. What I learned is that I wrote it there to remind me - I need to show myself grace. I haven't done things right, I haven't made good choices, but today is a new day and I will forgive myself and do what I need to do for my children.
I must close this chapter of my life. It will not be easy, and it will be very painful - but I can't imagine the pain will be worse than what I feel right now. Please pray that God gives me the strength to continue.
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