Fear of the worst
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 76
Fear of the worst
What do you do to overcome the fear of the worst?
I've been going thru this for a while with my fiancé (an alcoholic for two years) and I've thrown in the towel and given up for my own sanity. However I cannot get this lingering feeling that he is going to DIE from this. He is 22 years old and I have abandoned him (good for me and the kids) but he lives with his parents and they do not care if he goes to the beer or liquor store daily. They practice a "hear no evil see no evil" existence plus his dad is a hardcore alcoholic (drinks at work and about 4-6 days a week)
How do you let go of the fear? Like I know he isn't my responsibility but I love the person he was not too long ago and I want to be his friend. I want him to know he isn't alone and that his kids miss him.
ETA: he was doing ok recently after jumping off his roof when he tried to OD on lorazepram. He has in the last week gone on a binge and cannot seem to stop. He hasn't worked in two mos due to his broken leg from jumping off the roof. Even the hospital wouldn't form him as he "wasn't a risk to himself" yet he jumped off the roof 2 days later. Sigh.
I've been going thru this for a while with my fiancé (an alcoholic for two years) and I've thrown in the towel and given up for my own sanity. However I cannot get this lingering feeling that he is going to DIE from this. He is 22 years old and I have abandoned him (good for me and the kids) but he lives with his parents and they do not care if he goes to the beer or liquor store daily. They practice a "hear no evil see no evil" existence plus his dad is a hardcore alcoholic (drinks at work and about 4-6 days a week)
How do you let go of the fear? Like I know he isn't my responsibility but I love the person he was not too long ago and I want to be his friend. I want him to know he isn't alone and that his kids miss him.
ETA: he was doing ok recently after jumping off his roof when he tried to OD on lorazepram. He has in the last week gone on a binge and cannot seem to stop. He hasn't worked in two mos due to his broken leg from jumping off the roof. Even the hospital wouldn't form him as he "wasn't a risk to himself" yet he jumped off the roof 2 days later. Sigh.
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
A friend of mine is a social worker. She taught me to walk through my fear, mentally.
If you face your fear of his addiction, what is the worst outcome?
Death? How could you prevent his death? Do you have the power to prevent his addiction from killing him? Will his suffering end with his death?
Personal injury? Well, he survived falling off a roof so far.... Ask yourself how you can prevent future injuries? Do you have the power to prevent his addiction from causing more harm?
Mentally walking myself through some of the worst case scenarios (and my friend was able to come up with some brutal outcomes I never imagined) and realizing I was powerless to prevent them was helpful in allowing me to detach from his addiction. I was able to give the responsibility to the one making the choices.
If you face your fear of his addiction, what is the worst outcome?
Death? How could you prevent his death? Do you have the power to prevent his addiction from killing him? Will his suffering end with his death?
Personal injury? Well, he survived falling off a roof so far.... Ask yourself how you can prevent future injuries? Do you have the power to prevent his addiction from causing more harm?
Mentally walking myself through some of the worst case scenarios (and my friend was able to come up with some brutal outcomes I never imagined) and realizing I was powerless to prevent them was helpful in allowing me to detach from his addiction. I was able to give the responsibility to the one making the choices.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: PA
Posts: 2,728
My AH damn near drowned right in front of me this summer. If that can happen right in my face, it can happen any where at any time. I can't stop death and you can't either. I can do my part in an emergency situation to step in and try to rescue someone from death's door if I'm right in the middle of a crisis unfolding but to stop death from happening... IMPOSSIBLE!
My AH was this >< close to dying and I don't know how he didn't have a heart attack from the panic that ensued. I literally drug his ass out of the river and laid him on the beach until someone came and helped me with him. He was a drunkin fool that day.
My AH was this >< close to dying and I don't know how he didn't have a heart attack from the panic that ensued. I literally drug his ass out of the river and laid him on the beach until someone came and helped me with him. He was a drunkin fool that day.
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