gr8t2bme

Hi

I have been sober 7 months which I'm happy about, however my sister doesn't support my sobriety. She has intentionally brought me to a party where there is drinking knowing that I was not drinking anymore. I didn't drink at that party and it was hard to see my sister drink and get drunk. That night has changed the way I look at my sister. Obviously she's not supporting my sobriety and I have made a decision to not have a relationship with my sister. She continues to drink and it's very hard to be around her. I hope I made the right decision. I love my sister but my sobriety is very important to me.

Thank you for reading.
Theresa

TTBABP

Is your sister alcoholic? Have you really talked to her about her lack of support? I feel really sad for you because I wish I had a sister and I am sad that you can't rely upon yours.

jobei

I know the feeling! I rarely see several of my long time friends anymore simply because all they do is drink. They're pretty boring when they do. More than that I rarely see my mother for the same reason. It is unfortunate but it's just the way it is and I'm OK with that. I'm a much better/happier person sober!

gr8t2bme

I actually did confront her not supporting me and she somehow turned it around and blamed me. Saying that I blame everyone for my problems. Now she is angry with me.

pattyj

I just had that experience with my cousin around Thanksgiving. She dragged me to a winery, just about poured the wine down my throat and was willing to put her fingers down my throat to puke up the wine so that it wouldn't count. She is older then me and I was her 'mini me' for a long, long time. I was extremely close to her but because she can't support my decision then I have to cut ties with her for awhile and maybe forever. With this disease, you have to put yourself first. As much as it hurts to cut ties with her, I know that I am doing the best thing for myself. It sucks but sometimes it has to be done.

gr8t2bme

IT is very painful ending a relationship but I have to look at what's more important, my sobriety or relationship. Until she supports me I can't hang out with her.

tomsteve

i have a brother that ihavent spoken to in 5 years. before i got into recovery, we did a lot of pot smokin and drinkin together. i let him come visit when i was in recovery and i would let him know where i was goin with my life. he said he had stopped drinkin and smokin. then i found his stash in the bedroom he was stayin for one of the visits. for my sobriety, sanity, and serenity( he was acting and talkin like i used to and it helped me see just how sick i was), i had to tell him he was only welcome if he wasnt drinkin and smokin any more.
i still love him and he is still smokin pot, drinkin, and livin a pretty big lie. i accept that, but i will not accept it around me.
he is in my prayers quite often.

Thepatman

Hard choice indeed. But you did the right one. Sobriety is the most important thing.

She might realize someday. Just keep your eyes on the prize

Zube

gr8-

Yeah, that sucks. It would be so much easier if it were just an acquaintance. I'd detach for awhile. Nobody is worth jeopardizing your own sobriety.

Oddly, it's usually other alcoholics who give a sh*t as to whether or not you are drinking. Normies typically could care less.

Awesome job on recognizing the insanity...

Zube

MythOfSisyphus

The dynamics of sibling relationships can be very complex. Your sister may feel threatened by your decision to quit. Perhaps it's forcing her to confront her own drinking and she doesn't like it. People can be very resistant to change.

She'll always be your sister, that's a very strong bond. But you also can't be around people who sabotage you. Do what you have to do to protect your sobriety- that's really key. You can worry about mending things with your sister down the road.

MIRecovery

Relationships do not have to end but boundries have to be set. I have an alcoholic brother and he knows if we get together there will be no alcohol. So guess what? We rarely get together but this is his choice and I do not come out the bad guy

Thepatman

Zude you really home with your post. People care more for my sobriety here then my own friends and familly

TTBABP

That's definitely not good and very counterproductive to your recovery. I had a very passive agressive friend who did things like that. It seemed she was always doing something to undermine me and then I wound up apologizing to her. That did not help my confidence or self esteem at all.

Sadly you may need to end that realtionship - at least for the time being. Maybe if you do that will be your sister's wake up call too.

pattyj

I like what MIRecovery said. 'We can hang out but only without alcohol.' If someone doesn't have a problem with alcohol, it shouldn't be a problem to hang out without alcohol. And it gives them the choice. You said yes to hang but with one request; now it's their decision. Well put!

Junebugapril

What Myth said was very profound. Sibling relations are so complicated. I know you love her, so it is tough to break off the relationship, but it feels like you are doing the right thing. Your sobriety is what you have to protect. If she loves you, she will understand that you have to do this. Just for now.

Delilah1

I like MI's take on the situation as well.

Sasha4

Personally I would try to not let alcohol come between my sister and I.

I would hate alcohol to cause a rift between us. I hate drinking enough as it is.


However, I would enforce some rules.

That you will not drink with her and she will not expect you to drink or be in situations where drinking is the primary focus.

However, I think it is hard to ask her not to drink and I think that it is probably not just your sister drinking that you will find hard, it would be any friend, family member or colleague.

Perhaps it is better to avoid situations where drinking to get drunk is the primary focus.

I would explain that no drinking is your priority, that you would like to spend time with her but you would prefer that this time is not when alcohol is involved.

Maybe this is an opportunity to strengthen your relationship with your sister but also stand tall on what you feel is important.

lilgolden73

I have had to end some relationships as well, especially family. The only way I could tolerate most of them is to have a few drinks, now that I am not drinking it wouldn't end well to be around them. Just seeing there posts on FB make me wanna reach through the computer and smack them. I guess, I am saying that sometimes distance is for the greater good