The bar and the party.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 929
The bar and the party.
With the holiday season approaching, I've noticed a spike in posts from people who I consider to be quite vulnerable in their recovery, who seem to be struggling whether or not they should attend various booze fuelled social functions.
I encourage all of the SR members in early remission from alcohol addiction to ask themselves, keeping in mind that alcohol addiction kills those who abuse booze;
'Why are you willingly putting your life at risk, by exposing yourself to an environment where a substance that can kill you is ever present."
If you are absolutely certain that you are incapable of drinking alcohol, wonderful and have fun!
If there is even a hint, glimmer or thought that you may succumb to temptation or envy those drinking...stay the **** home!
You don't need to flex any imaginary sobriety muscles.
You're conviction and strength will come with time being sober, but not through white knuckling it through a party. In fact, white knuckling it through a party would likely give you a false sense of strength.
Recovery from addiction isn`t a game, it`s a struggle between life and death. Stack the odds in your favour and give yourself every opportunity to succeed!
Just a thought I had this morning and of course, this post is just my lay opinion. For those in early recovery, I too am in early recovery and hope someone, somewhere finds something useful in hearing from me.
I encourage all of the SR members in early remission from alcohol addiction to ask themselves, keeping in mind that alcohol addiction kills those who abuse booze;
'Why are you willingly putting your life at risk, by exposing yourself to an environment where a substance that can kill you is ever present."
If you are absolutely certain that you are incapable of drinking alcohol, wonderful and have fun!
If there is even a hint, glimmer or thought that you may succumb to temptation or envy those drinking...stay the **** home!
You don't need to flex any imaginary sobriety muscles. You're conviction and strength will come with time being sober, but not through white knuckling it through a party. In fact, white knuckling it through a party would likely give you a false sense of strength.
Recovery from addiction isn`t a game, it`s a struggle between life and death. Stack the odds in your favour and give yourself every opportunity to succeed!
Just a thought I had this morning and of course, this post is just my lay opinion. For those in early recovery, I too am in early recovery and hope someone, somewhere finds something useful in hearing from me.
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
Originally Posted by Xune 
With the holiday season approaching, I've noticed a spike in posts from people who I consider to be quite vulnerable in their recovery, who seem to be struggling whether or not they should attend various booze fuelled social functions.
I encourage all of the SR members in early remission from alcohol addiction to ask themselves, keeping in mind that alcohol addiction kills those who abuse booze;
'Why are you willingly putting your life at risk, by exposing yourself to an environment where a substance that can kill you is ever present."
If you are absolutely certain that you are incapable of drinking alcohol, wonderful and have fun!
If there is even a hint, glimmer or thought that you may succumb to temptation or envy those drinking...stay the **** home! You don't need to flex any imaginary sobriety muscles.
You're conviction and strength will come with time being sober, but not through white knuckling it through a party. In fact, white knuckling it through a party would likely give you a false sense of strength.
Recovery from addiction isn`t a game, it`s a struggle between life and death. Stack the odds in your favour and give yourself every opportunity to succeed!
Just a thought I had this morning and of course, this post is just my lay opinion. For those in early recovery, I too am in early recovery and hope someone, somewhere finds something useful in hearing from me.
I encourage all of the SR members in early remission from alcohol addiction to ask themselves, keeping in mind that alcohol addiction kills those who abuse booze;
'Why are you willingly putting your life at risk, by exposing yourself to an environment where a substance that can kill you is ever present."
If you are absolutely certain that you are incapable of drinking alcohol, wonderful and have fun!
If there is even a hint, glimmer or thought that you may succumb to temptation or envy those drinking...stay the **** home!
You don't need to flex any imaginary sobriety muscles. You're conviction and strength will come with time being sober, but not through white knuckling it through a party. In fact, white knuckling it through a party would likely give you a false sense of strength.
Recovery from addiction isn`t a game, it`s a struggle between life and death. Stack the odds in your favour and give yourself every opportunity to succeed!
Just a thought I had this morning and of course, this post is just my lay opinion. For those in early recovery, I too am in early recovery and hope someone, somewhere finds something useful in hearing from me.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Central New Jersey, USA
Posts: 1,345
Xune - while I absolutely agree with you and your logic - it is almost impossible to avoid booze these days. It is everywhere and people have such a cavalier attitude about it. Even just going out to dinner at a favorite restauranrt and the servers are compelled to offer you the drink special of the night. You have to look at the little cardboard cutout of the drink specials on the table. In order to avoid it completely - especially at this time of year - I fell like I would have to stay in bed with my head covered.
Again I do agree that certain situations should probably be avoided early in recovery - images and references to booze are everywhere - almost impossible to avoid.
Again I do agree that certain situations should probably be avoided early in recovery - images and references to booze are everywhere - almost impossible to avoid.
Clear Eyes Full Heart
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 1,272
Agreed. No point in attending if it's going to be a huge temptation and invitation to relapse. It's just a party-it's not the end of the world if you miss a few. Not worth ruining all the hard work you've put into recovery efforts. Ask yourself "how will I benefit from drinking at this party?" it's very hard to come up with anything remotely convincing or positive.
I do think it's a goal to be able to have a life that isn't limited by alcohol in any way. That means (in my opinion) being able to attend any event without booze factoring into your decision. Being able to go and enjoy life's celebrations sober
with "mocktail" in hand. I realize you have to be ready for this, and it comes at different times for different people.
Volunteering to be the DD can balance out some of the guilt over times you drove under the influence and it feels good to help your friends.
I do think it's a goal to be able to have a life that isn't limited by alcohol in any way. That means (in my opinion) being able to attend any event without booze factoring into your decision. Being able to go and enjoy life's celebrations sober
with "mocktail" in hand. I realize you have to be ready for this, and it comes at different times for different people.
Volunteering to be the DD can balance out some of the guilt over times you drove under the influence and it feels good to help your friends.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 5,554
Sometimes the event is not simply a local party. I might be a travelling event, where one visits with family and has to stay a few nights. And children need to be brought to see their relatives because they enjoy it, not simply because of obligation.
It is not always so black and white. But, in general, I do agree. I have avoided local parties if I do not feel 100% confident. I cannot skip the family holiday.
It is not always so black and white. But, in general, I do agree. I have avoided local parties if I do not feel 100% confident. I cannot skip the family holiday.
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
Originally Posted by rochele
Sometimes the event is not simply a local party. I might be a travelling event, where one visits with family and has to stay a few nights. And children need to be brought to see their relatives because they enjoy it, not simply because of obligation.
It is not always so black and white. But, in general, I do agree. I have avoided local parties if I do not feel 100% confident. I cannot skip the family holiday.
It is not always so black and white. But, in general, I do agree. I have avoided local parties if I do not feel 100% confident. I cannot skip the family holiday.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 929
Originally Posted by TTBABP
Xune - while I absolutely agree with you and your logic - it is almost impossible to avoid booze these days. It is everywhere and people have such a cavalier attitude about it. Even just going out to dinner at a favorite restauranrt and the servers are compelled to offer you the drink special of the night. You have to look at the little cardboard cutout of the drink specials on the table. In order to avoid it completely - especially at this time of year - I fell like I would have to stay in bed with my head covered.
Again I do agree that certain situations should probably be avoided early in recovery - images and references to booze are everywhere - almost impossible to avoid.
Again I do agree that certain situations should probably be avoided early in recovery - images and references to booze are everywhere - almost impossible to avoid.
It is about encouraging vulnerable addicts to choose carefully if they are going to place themselves in an environment where their life will be at great peril.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 5,554
Originally Posted by MIRecovery
The only thing I HAVE to do is stay sober. Virtually everything else is a choice. I will be going to a family function for a week in another state by choice but I have my AA meetings planned out. I have an escape plan. Everybody I care about knows that I am an alcoholic. I am prepared to stay at a hotel if I have to.
And not everyone has the resources to just go off to a hotel when the going gets rough. In, fact I do, but not everyone.
I also am going, and have a plan. My exit is not so easy, being with my children and husband and one vehicle. But I will be in a large house and can go off with my book and avoid the drinking if it gets to be too much. I can examine prior mistakes and have a better plan. I can be more direct and blunt in my refusal of drinks. Not care about offending someone who pressures me to drink.
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
Originally Posted by rochele
Exactly. So, you are going. You are going with a plan to stay sober. But you are not skipping the family function. That was my point. There is more shades of gray here than simply telling people don't go. I am not saying you have said that, but many do.
And not everyone has the resources to just go off to a hotel when the going gets rough. In, fact I do, but not everyone.
I also am going, and have a plan. My exit is not so easy, being with my children and husband and one vehicle. But I will be in a large house and can go off with my book and avoid the drinking if it gets to be too much. I can examine prior mistakes and have a better plan. I can be more direct and blunt in my refusal of drinks. Not care about offending someone who pressures me to drink.
And not everyone has the resources to just go off to a hotel when the going gets rough. In, fact I do, but not everyone.
I also am going, and have a plan. My exit is not so easy, being with my children and husband and one vehicle. But I will be in a large house and can go off with my book and avoid the drinking if it gets to be too much. I can examine prior mistakes and have a better plan. I can be more direct and blunt in my refusal of drinks. Not care about offending someone who pressures me to drink.
Clear Eyes Full Heart
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 1,272
Rochele has a good point about the events that can't be skipped and extended holiday visits with no escape route. Suggestions for people that have dealt with this successfully would be appreciated I'm sure.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 3,796
Originally Posted by TTBABP
It is everywhere and people have such a cavalier attitude about it. Even just going out to dinner at a favorite restauranrt and the servers are compelled to offer you the drink special of the night. You have to look at the little cardboard cutout of the drink specials on the table. In order to avoid it completely - especially at this time of year - I fell like I would have to stay in bed with my head covered.
Again I do agree that certain situations should probably be avoided early in recovery - images and references to booze are everywhere - almost impossible to avoid.
Again I do agree that certain situations should probably be avoided early in recovery - images and references to booze are everywhere - almost impossible to avoid.
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 7,097
Thanks Xune.I'm avoiding the office party this year and not going out with friends anywhere where there is alcohol.
I can't avoid Christmas day though with family so need to be prepared. I don't want to drink just need to be prepared for cravings and not just drink because everyone else is
I can't avoid Christmas day though with family so need to be prepared. I don't want to drink just need to be prepared for cravings and not just drink because everyone else is
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 7,097
Originally Posted by rochele
Sometimes the event is not simply a local party. I might be a travelling event, where one visits with family and has to stay a few nights. And children need to be brought to see their relatives because they enjoy it, not simply because of obligation.
It is not always so black and white. But, in general, I do agree. I have avoided local parties if I do not feel 100% confident. I cannot skip the family holiday.
It is not always so black and white. But, in general, I do agree. I have avoided local parties if I do not feel 100% confident. I cannot skip the family holiday.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,355
This is a good link for those things like Family Xmas that are inevitable for many of us
Crying Out Now: Thanksgiving Survival Guide
That being said I did not go to my family Xmas the first year - I knew the atmosphere would not be good for me or my recovery.
There was some displeasure at my decision, yes, but noone died because I didn't go.
Second year? I was good to go
D
Crying Out Now: Thanksgiving Survival Guide
That being said I did not go to my family Xmas the first year - I knew the atmosphere would not be good for me or my recovery.
There was some displeasure at my decision, yes, but noone died because I didn't go.
Second year? I was good to go
D
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