New Start
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Perth
Posts: 3
New Start
So I bet this is a post people have seen a thousand times but here goes.
When I was younger and first started drinking I think the pattern of drinking myself to complete stupidity started very quickly, at that age around 15/16 it was funny, friends found it funny and I wasn’t the only one either so it seemed normal. That behaviour cost me some good friends a few years later and a reputation for being hard work to be with when I am drinking, I get verbally abusive sometimes, never violent but feel like it perhaps. I jump to the first few dates with my now wife and there were a few occasions when I would get too drunk and embarrass her in front of friends etc, become very argumentative and just a real ******** frankly. That has continued, my wife has made it clear to me on so many occasions that she will leave me if it gets too far and yet we go through a cycle of good behaviour, just a few, quite a few more just with her and we have a great time and then eventually I make my way out on my own full of confidence that everything is OK again. Bang! I am waking up to hear about what I said, who I upset, what secrets I told and altogether what an idiot I was. Cycle starts again.
A couple of days ago I went out on a client lunch and drank from 2-7pm, knowing full well I was out to dinner that night at 8 with wife and new friends of hers I have never met and their husbands, lovely people, potentially great friends for the future. Well I turned up completely *********, my wife was angry as you can imagine, she started having a go at me which in turn triggered 3 hours of the most awkward evening these people could have endured. I behaved like an idiot and really have upset her again. Each time this happens I run the risk of losing my wife and kids. It has to stop.
I don’t drink from one week to the next, I just cant handle it, I cant control it once I start past a few and depending on the circumstances I may or may not behave badly. I would say 4-6 times a year I will do something that risks it all because of how badly behaved I am and I want to stop. I don’t think many people in my friends will understand it, they wont support it unless I open up to them completely and I don’t want to do that. I have tried AA but it isn’t for me – I wont do it and I know how that might sound but I have to cope with this in another way. I hope this forum can help.
I need coping strategies and I need to be able to get through Christmas and new year without drinking at all, it seems like a mountain to climb – I am sure that I will not lapse badly over this period because I know how upset my wife is but it is a pathway back to where I am now if I don’t do something straight away.
When I was younger and first started drinking I think the pattern of drinking myself to complete stupidity started very quickly, at that age around 15/16 it was funny, friends found it funny and I wasn’t the only one either so it seemed normal. That behaviour cost me some good friends a few years later and a reputation for being hard work to be with when I am drinking, I get verbally abusive sometimes, never violent but feel like it perhaps. I jump to the first few dates with my now wife and there were a few occasions when I would get too drunk and embarrass her in front of friends etc, become very argumentative and just a real ******** frankly. That has continued, my wife has made it clear to me on so many occasions that she will leave me if it gets too far and yet we go through a cycle of good behaviour, just a few, quite a few more just with her and we have a great time and then eventually I make my way out on my own full of confidence that everything is OK again. Bang! I am waking up to hear about what I said, who I upset, what secrets I told and altogether what an idiot I was. Cycle starts again.
A couple of days ago I went out on a client lunch and drank from 2-7pm, knowing full well I was out to dinner that night at 8 with wife and new friends of hers I have never met and their husbands, lovely people, potentially great friends for the future. Well I turned up completely *********, my wife was angry as you can imagine, she started having a go at me which in turn triggered 3 hours of the most awkward evening these people could have endured. I behaved like an idiot and really have upset her again. Each time this happens I run the risk of losing my wife and kids. It has to stop.
I don’t drink from one week to the next, I just cant handle it, I cant control it once I start past a few and depending on the circumstances I may or may not behave badly. I would say 4-6 times a year I will do something that risks it all because of how badly behaved I am and I want to stop. I don’t think many people in my friends will understand it, they wont support it unless I open up to them completely and I don’t want to do that. I have tried AA but it isn’t for me – I wont do it and I know how that might sound but I have to cope with this in another way. I hope this forum can help.
I need coping strategies and I need to be able to get through Christmas and new year without drinking at all, it seems like a mountain to climb – I am sure that I will not lapse badly over this period because I know how upset my wife is but it is a pathway back to where I am now if I don’t do something straight away.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Hi ZENALBY 
I think whether you're losing it 4 to six times a year or losing it everyday like I was, we still have the same basic problem - we never know for sure whats going to happen once we take that first drink.
My solution was to stop drinking completely.
It meant a lot of changes in my life, but it was so so worth it.
Support is vital I think if we want to walk apart from the crowd - if you're not into AA that's ok too - you'll find a ton of support here and there are other recovery methods around too.
If you're interested I'll be glad to provide you with links
Welcome aboard
D
I think whether you're losing it 4 to six times a year or losing it everyday like I was, we still have the same basic problem - we never know for sure whats going to happen once we take that first drink.
My solution was to stop drinking completely.
It meant a lot of changes in my life, but it was so so worth it.
Support is vital I think if we want to walk apart from the crowd - if you're not into AA that's ok too - you'll find a ton of support here and there are other recovery methods around too.
If you're interested I'll be glad to provide you with links
Welcome aboard
D
instant
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Australia
Posts: 5,711
Hey welcome. I found my stop switch stopped working when I got older and it got worse.
I think that the way it is, the cravings kick in - then it is off to the races.
Thankfully living sober is much easier
I think that the way it is, the cravings kick in - then it is off to the races.
Thankfully living sober is much easier
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Here's what I hope will be some helpful links to some of the main recovery players (including but not limited to AA):
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html
I can also really recommend you visit the Secular Connections forum if you think you may benefit from a non 12 step approach like SMART or Rational Recovery (AVRT).
D
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html
I can also really recommend you visit the Secular Connections forum if you think you may benefit from a non 12 step approach like SMART or Rational Recovery (AVRT).
D
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: US
Posts: 34
Hello friend, I really relate to your story. I am a problem drinker as well. And I also have embarrassed myself many times as well. There is nothing worse than feeling alienated because of a bad binge. And as time goes on, waking up after partying is stressful... piecing together the night before. I believe it is never too late to change.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Perth
Posts: 3
Thanks for the replies. I worry the problem I have is that it is a fair time between drinks, a fair time to forget how bad it was, become comfortable, slip in to the "just have a couple" mode and forget about how I felt the morning after and the next few days. Thursday evening will be the first time I have to deal with the "are you not drinking?" situation. Ironically the first guy to ask me that will be someone I think is an alcoholic but he would never say so.
Lets hope the cycle doesnt start again.
Lets hope the cycle doesnt start again.
instant
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Australia
Posts: 5,711
Knowing that it is a cycle is the beginning of making the changes needed, until then they are always "one off's" that are attributed to stress or particular circumstances rather than our own relationship with the juice
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