addictedtohim

I ended it two months ago with my ex boyfriend who was addicted to Xanax. He kept lying to me about using, when i finally found empty bottles he started to blame me for him using again and I finally had enough. We have spoken two times since our break up two months ago. Both times were about the cat who we had gotten together and both times turned into him saying "you only care about the cat and not my well-being" It pissed me off to no end which made it easier to move on. It's been a month since any contact and i have been crying everyday over him. I miss the him before the drugs. (we were together 4 years prior to the addiction) I know I did the right thing even though i keep finding out from mutual friends that he is angry at everyone for speaking to me and "turning their backs on him" (which they didn't do)
I am in my last two weeks of my first college semester and it sucks not speaking to him because when he was having a sober day it was nice to vent about my work overload stresses and just lay with him.

I broke down the other night and sent him a text saying "Just checking up to see how you are doing" and i got no response of course and that made me feel worse. He always knew how to get to me.

I know exactly what needs to be done. No contact. He was just such a huge part of my life that it is so difficult letting go, especially because i refused the "closure" talk because i knew i would crack. I guess i just needed some sort of support or to know i am not alone.

I hope this crippling pain in my heart goes away soon.

tjp613

It will get easier and your heart will heal. As I think you are finding out, whenever we make contact it opens up the wound all over again. <sigh> What are you doing to help the process along? Meetings? Therapy? Volunteer work? They are all helpful.

zoso77

Four years is an appreciable amount of time. You made an emotional investment in him and the relationship. And to watch it disintegrate in front of your eyes is awful, especially when you factor drugs into the mix. You deserve a lot of credit for doing what you did, which was basically say enough was enough and you ended it. I can assure there's a fair number of people on the board that didn't have the strength or the nerve to do what you did. Myself included. I stayed with a sick woman for nearly a year and it cost me.

His cheap shot regarding the cats doesn't surprise me, either. Addicts have a sense of just where to poke and how hard.

You said that you needed support and you needed to know that you're not alone, so here goes...

It's wonderful you've started college, as a four year degree will position you for a better future. And I can empathize with the end of the semester crunch because I'm there, too (grad school). What you need to do right now is to acknowledge to yourself that what you're feeling absolutely, positively sucks and sit with it. There's no shortcuts here; this has to run its course. What has helped me in the past and these days is asking God for help. Ask Him to help you bear the suffering so that you can get through the end of the semester a little easier, and do this every day. Ask for strength, focus, and clarity, and then go out there and do your best in school.

Whether you're aware of this or not, you've got a lot of strength. You will get through this.

And the next time you get the urge to text him: DON'T!!! It's not fair to you, and it's not fair to him, either. He has to follow his own course, and you can't be a part of that.

Go get 'em...

ZoSo

Maylie

Although you are upset, you did the only thing you could do, protect yourself. He has chosen a path of lieing and drugs and you have chosen a path of a drug free lifestyle and are in college!

Texting him will only make the heartache linger longer. He is not a rational or sober person, he is going to be spiteful (not answering because he knows it will get to you) and continue to say manipulating things such as "you only care about the cat not my well being". When it comes down to it, it isn't your job to worry about his well being. It is his job to worry about himself and right now he is chosing to disregard everything but drugs.

Put all your focus on your homework and end the semester with good grades and knowing you are on the right path and that you are doing what you need to do for you. 4 years is a lengthy relationship, but to stay would have meant dooming yourself to years, maybe decades, of drugs, lieing, and manipulation. You are so strong, never forget that.

DeOppressoLiber

^^ Good advice on the post above.

You must put yourself first, remain reasonable and avoid emotionally charged decisions.

Use logic and reason.

addictedtohim

Thank you so much everyone. That was all very touching. I am having such a hard time with end of semester crunch time and focusing on work/school and i feel as if i am grieving over someone who died. The first two months were easier to stay no contact and i actually hardly cried over him because i was so angry for lying and just throwing away a future we had planned. I am not feeling angry anymore and i feel like that is why i am finally hurting so bad. I have come to accept that it is really over and it is killing me.

zoso77

Imagine if he were still in your life. Can you imagine being coupled to a sick person in the middle of finals? Do you think he would care about sucking the life out of you when you're trying to study?

I can tell you with no uncertainty that he wouldn't. He's sick, and that's all there is to it.

You'll be OK. Just sit with everything as best you can. Be good to yourself. Be kind to yourself. And this, too, shall pass...

ZoSo

MLH2282

I won't lie, it's going to hurt, but it's a necessary part of the grieving process. Try to stay on top of your studies. It's actually helpful when you have a distraction from the heartache. The day I broke up with my EXAB, I started working out again. I've kept it up, and I can honestly say it really helps me feel better. Not only would it help your mood, but it will also help clear your head so you can focus on your school work.

Keep your head up, you can, and will, get through this.

~MLH

ebrahimv

Oh babe I'm totally with you. My boyfriend of 2.5 years and I broke up just a few months ago because college was just starting and the distance was too much. He was the perfect boyfriend and I have never been so happy with my life. Well we are both first year college students and we just ended our first quarter of college. I ended my first quarter of college crying myself to sleep every night, while he got drunk and high and on every drug possible other than injecting himself. This includes Xanax, Coke, Acid, and so much more. I barely talk to him, but when we talk we only argue. I know exactly how you feel and what everybody is saying in these posts are absolutely correct, but we just have to get ourselves to try it out. I know I deserve better and someone who will treat me right, not somebody who has lost himself, dropped out of college only after one quarter and just never sober anymore. It hurts us to know those we love are losing themselves, but we have to get ourselves to understand we're young and there's so much to look ahead to. We have to keep moving forward and the only way we can move forward is by letting go of things that hold us back and in this situation it's our ex boyfriends. They are drugged out, they're not thinking correctly. Believe me, I go through this everyday he will call me one day and tell me he loves me and then the very next day sometimes even maybe just a few hours later from a good conversation he'll call me and call me a hoe and a disgrace and he can't believe he ever dated me and that it was only for sex. We got to stop. It's sickening. We MUST move on and understand we can't do anything anymore and it's all up to them. If you ever need anything, you can always message me. We'll make it through this together.
With Love,
Just another first year college student going through your same situation

EMC2828

I've said numerous times that I was addicted to my addict. It's hard making the decision to end it. Only the people that walk our path would know. It's taken me four years to pull myself out of the abyss as I was sucked in good. Going to my meeting has helped me along with the friends I have now (and some old friends too). It's that impulse that we regret later. My marriage is finished. Need to think of myself and my kiddies. We don't need to live with someone who is an addict (active or not) as their attitudes will never change.

Stay strong, think before you react, and all will be good.