Mafalda

I have been reading many posts about people trying the moderation route but always ending up drinking more. For me I consider moderation a step to stopping. For starters I think admitting I have a problem is the first step. Then trying to control the problem is the second step. If I cannot do this then comes the next step. I'm sorry I can't quit cold turkey like some of you. I know that I have my excuses (alcohols surrounds me , I own a restaurant , friends and family who drink etc) But I feel like on this forum if you don't decide to quit completely you are a failure. I'm going to a therapist and she told me it is rare for her to see an alcoholic that seeks help out of their own volition. I'm keeping a drinking diary just to be honest with myself about how much I really drink. I think most people drink more than they think ( me included) so keeping a diary is helping me with this. So now at least I spend some time thinking about my goal of drinking less and eventually stopping. Just a reminder for those of you who might be at the same stage as I am. A glass of wine is only 5 oz ( little more than half a cup ). Most restaurants serve 8 to 10 oz. a liquor serving is 1 1/2 oz. most mixed drinks are 3oz. So keeping this in mind I am currently drinking 2 1/2 drinks. My goal is to only have this much 2 days a week and yes one day eventually stop if I cannot do this. We all have our path to travel and there are different roads to getting there. Thank you all for the support.

Sazzle

Moderation was a step for me. I tried it for 18 months. I mean, really tried it. It confirmed that I needed to quit. So, yes, it was a step in this whole process for me.

I consider myself lucky that I got out if moderation alive. I did have some distressing situations and the last one was my final straw.

You can't learn by others' mistakes but you can take on their advice. I wished I'd stopped in my 20s and not my 30s but I probably needed to experience a bit of hell for myself first.

Good luck in trying to control your drinking.

S x

Anna

I certainly understand that we are all on a journey and we are not necessarily at the same place or following the same path. I think the fact you are questioning your drinking is a good thing.

I tried moderating my drinking, but it never worked the way I wanted it to. That is, it would be okay for a few weeks, and then bam, I would realize I was drinking more than I used to. I was very stubborn and spent most of a year determined to moderate. In that time my relationship with my family suffered as did my health.

Most of us have friends & families who drink, and recovery involves making some tough choices about who we spend time with. I know it's not uncommon for people to change jobs when they think it will help their recovery.

courage2

It's the step to stopping where I'm at, and I already know it's not working -- all those people on SR who say 2 drinks is NOT want they want are right, for me, it's just frustration, and makes me want to binge (and I've never been a binge drinker). God knows how long my denial will last, though. I'm hating this.

Dee74

I think it's important to realise that most of the people on this board practice abstinence
Mafalda.

Most of us tried moderation, a lot of us tried tapering too - and most of us found that it didn't work.

For me once I drink alcohol, I change. All my good intent goes out the window.

I may have intended to only drink one glass - and sometimes I can even manage that for brief periods - but I always always ended up back at my default position - total devastation.

Same thing with tapering - it's asking me to control my intake of the thing I can;t control my intake of.

You're free to make your own choices. Noones going to insist you do things any certain way.

But we will tell you the truth as we see it

What you may be perceiving as judgmental replies really isn't - it's just us sharing our experience of what works....and what doesn't.

D

dragon12

Mafalda, I've tried moderation more times than I care to remember and each time I have failed. It has taken a long time for me to accept that I am an alcoholic and can't touch the stuff anymore but now that i am sober I feel so good in myself both physically and mentally.

Good luck.

Fandy

I think you are trying to justify the fact that you don't want to stop drinking....you seem to romanticise your cocktail recipes and wine.

if it's feasible, go to your primary and tell him/her how much you drink DAILY, weekly for the last how ever many years.... have some lab work done...see where you are at healthwise.

Mafalda

Exactly Fandy. I don't want to stop. Many people hit Bottom before they stop. I am trying not to wait till then by at least not letting my problem get worse. If anything I'm better off today than I was five years Ago I used to drink twice as much on a daily basis. I have reduced the amounts I drink , have stopped drinking and driving , and diligently watch my Heath. I eat very well , I work out and all my tests are fine. I literally have to force my doctor to do the expanded liver tests because she doesn't think I have a problem. Many people including doctors think you only have a problem if you are a raging alcoholic. I told her I wanted to seek therapy because of my drinking and she pretty much thought " whatever rocks your boat". I sought therapy on my own. Just because I can't quit cold turkey doesn't mean I'm in denial or that I don't want to stop as my ultimate goal. My one day at a time might be different than someone else's. it is definitely helpful to hear about all of the different experiences though, all the failures and relapses and ultimately success for some.

next30

I've also tried to moderate and tapper off my drinking. It did help drink less. I even had a roommate ration my drinks and make them so I wasnt drinking straight up wisky. It was only temporary every time. My roomie is not my care taker so that only goes so far.
Each attempt Id tell myself I cant do cold turky because it would be too much of a shock to my body.
For 7 years I tried different ways of quiting none that were 100% stopping. This time it is no drink at all. Last nights sip made that clear. Again this is just my experiance.

MIRecovery

another step to discover what does not work

doggonecarl

In my opinion, this "step" is just delaying the inevitable. If you have to control it, it's already out of control.

Your goal, perhaps, is to be a normal drinker. Normal drinkers don't control their drinking. They don't have to. Normal drinkers don't spend 1/100th of the amount of mental energy you do thinking about alcohol.

Good luck.

hypochondriac

It may be rare for this particular therapist but I don't think that means if you are seeking help then you're not an alcoholic. I hear people in AA all the time listing things which they tried first... I had a alcohol counsellor helping me cut down years ago too but it didn't work for me. There are a lot of people in the UK getting help to 'cut down' rather than quitting so I think this probably is a stage, I have no idea how many people succeed with it or not but I'm assuming some seemingly must otherwise they'd change tactics... Good luck x

FreeFall

I think moderation is a stage. It's the stage that confirms you have a problem for many people. I do think anything that gets you closer to quitting is a step forward. I was forced to moderate when I had to move in with my mom to care for her because of driving. It was very unsatisfying and I rarely stuck to whatever I told myself the limit was so I took big risks in getting stopped. I think your therapist is wrong. Thousands of alcoholics seek help on their own-read the number of posts here for confirmation.

Mafalda

I didn't mean to say that because I seek help I'm not an alcoholic. I'm seeking help because I am. What I guess I meant was that my therapist deals mostly with people who have hit bottom in one way or another ( court orders to see her , doctors sending over patients etc). To me it's always better to at least try. You are one step ahead of either being in complete denial and not trying anything at all. When I really think back I used to drink a lot more five years ago when I was not a mother. Having a son has certainly kept me I think from drinking more. Also lifestyle changes. I notice a correlation between eating better , working out and drinking less ( don't drink a lot at night because I want to make the exercise class in the AM ). Being on this site keeps me thinking about why its such a great idea not to drink. It is almost 8 pm and I havnt opened a bottle of wine yet. So good night everyone. Every day is a new day. Thank you all for listening.

nogard

I think many/most seek help.

I cant use or drink I have no stop button, only you can decide about you.

Xune

...nor do they even spend time posting on an alcohol addiction forum.

OP, I'm not sure what you hope to achieve, but whatever it is, I hope you find it.

Junebugapril

Cutting down cigarettes didn't work for me when I quit smoking. I romanticized those few cigarettes so much that they ended up being all I thought about. Unfortunately I had to quit. But I didn't quit cold turkey, I used every trick in the book I could find.

I don't know if cutting down my wine would have worked for me. I have a feeling it would not work, so I just quit drinking altogether.

DoubleBarrel

I had a full on love affair with drinking. Quitting was literally grief.
If you look into the stages of grief, there are various stages, ending with acceptance.
I now accept I cannot drink.

To me. Moderation was the bargaining stage.

Pondlady

In the summer of 2011 I decided to reevaluate the role alcohol ( wine) was playing in my life. I attended some AA meetings and quit drinking for the summer. I resumed drinking in the fall, but much less. Things were ok for awhile. I had some sad things happen and I began sipping more to "take the edge off". By spring of 2012 I had resumed daily drinking, and was feeling bad about myself again.

I quit all alcohol last June and feel much better. I no longer expend energy thinking about how many drinks I'm having per week, how many ounces etc. Quitting has been easier than moderating.

Please keep us updated on your journey BTW, my doctor defined a serving of wine as 3 oz....I thought why bother!! LOL!

LDT

Ditto Pondlady. For me, quitting was infinitely easier than trying to moderate. The effort put towards moderating was labor intensive and exhausting. I'm a busy gal and just don't have that kind of time.