I believe I am an alcholic, need help.
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Join Date: Dec 2012
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I believe I am an alcholic, need help.
Well hello everybody, this is my first post here, and God I never though it would go this far, but I hope this community can give me some advice since I've been going though a rough phase the last months.
Lets just say my name is Juan. I'm a foreigner in Germany, been living here without my parents or any family members for about 2 years now.
I always drank alcohol, back in my country me and my friends would often got to partys, sometimes I would drink a lot, sometimes I would drink a glass and sometimes nothing at all, and would still enjoy the events.
I moved to Germany about 2 years ago, I enjoyed an awesome time since I came here. Fell in love with a beautiful girl and eventually got together with her, partied hard like in my own country, drinking not only weekends but sometimes also during the week, still, I never missed anything, I was (and still am) quiet responsible (actually I didn't got such good grades in high school, but since I started my career I've been writing only A's and B's). Anyways, it was the most serious relationship I've ever had, we were 1 year together, then were separate for 4 month (time in which me and her dated other people). Then got back together for another year, till she left me for another person, about 7 months ago.
It's kinda hard to explain my ways with alcohol. My dad is an alcoholic, tried to quit a lot of times, failing misserably. One if my first memories is me crawling for the first time as a baby trying to wake him up while hes blacked out on the floor next to me. Like I said before, I started (like almost everybody else) drinking some weekends, from time to time and never too much to blackout or anything like that.
Since my arrival in Germany I began drinking often, still being responsible and managing to pass all the subjects with very good grades. Still I developed some nasty habits which I would enjoy doing every now and then, for example drinking as much as I could just to being able to fall sleep, drink the next day to fight the hangover, and sometimes drinking alone because of my boredom and the lack of finding a sense in my life. STILL doing everything right, never giving too much money for booze, never blackening out and always fullfilling everything I had to do.
Eventually I started going to fraternity houses, partying with the frat boys and eventually got accepted at one of those organizations (My Ex was a huge fan of the fratboys scene, and was the main reason why I decided to join one of the houses). The alcohol consume worsened, still, I would always drink way less than the other people in the scene. And never felt like I would have a problem. Eventually my exgirlfriend (who drowned herself in the fraternity world and got kinda possesed by everything there) would leave me for another frat boy with a bigger house also was also more recognized in the scene. THEN it began, everything got worse, I would go party like an animal, almost everyday, coming home at about 4 am every night, having sex with a lot of girls and making a bunch of friends every night.
But still managing to do everything for my career (though at this point I wrote some of my exams and Texts drunk, surprisingly becoming A's and B's like before). Eventually, my consumption would worsened, I began having what I like to call "phases". I would go on binge drinking phases for about 2 to 4 days, none stopping, getting like 2 blackouts per day, and waking up to watch some series and drink again, almost without any food and trying to be invisible for the other guys in the frathouse. Still I would wake up after a few days and quit cold turkey without any withdrawal sindromes. I got so worried about the situation that I started to talk with everyone about it, asking for advice. The guys at the frat house would deny me having any problem, both of my parents also denied it, I checked myself in the clinic 3 times after having such phases, they would also denied me having a problem, insisting all I've to do was work with myself since I had problem in my head and not with the alcohol, and sending me back home after I sobered up in the clinic. Ive visited a few therapists, which also agreed with the doctors. All of them insisting I wouldn't have any problem with alcohol, but rather with myself, a lack of self esteem (which I indeed have) and alcohol was a way of filling that hole in me.. In the meantime I quit the alcohol consume for a few month, being able to enjoy every single party & reunion without drinking a single drop of the substance. There would be partys where I would just drink one or two beers and then be able to quit. After finishing my Semester I flew to my homeland for a month, enjoying my vacations there and without a single drop of alcohol. Still, when I came back the phases would happen every now and then (this time often, about 2 times a month). I abused from alcohol and couldnt stop my drinking for the next few days, finding it was almost the only way to express my sadness and all the negative emotions that I felt. (I was unable to cry after the breakup, unless I was completely hammered and laid in bed alone, hopeless and sad).
I would really like to know you opinions, I'm experimenting such a phase right now. I enjoy a rich social life, and was named the chief from the fraternity last week, I behold a great responsability, and need to know what to do, I'm flying in 11 days to my homeland and I'm thinking about staying drunk till then, since I hardly find a way out of this vicious circle of depression and loneliness in which I get trapped every now and then. What do you think? Im only 21 years old and feel like I'm carrying such a heavy weight in my, the weight of my past, my denial to accept myself and the alcohol abuse.
Greetings!
Lets just say my name is Juan. I'm a foreigner in Germany, been living here without my parents or any family members for about 2 years now.
I always drank alcohol, back in my country me and my friends would often got to partys, sometimes I would drink a lot, sometimes I would drink a glass and sometimes nothing at all, and would still enjoy the events.
I moved to Germany about 2 years ago, I enjoyed an awesome time since I came here. Fell in love with a beautiful girl and eventually got together with her, partied hard like in my own country, drinking not only weekends but sometimes also during the week, still, I never missed anything, I was (and still am) quiet responsible (actually I didn't got such good grades in high school, but since I started my career I've been writing only A's and B's). Anyways, it was the most serious relationship I've ever had, we were 1 year together, then were separate for 4 month (time in which me and her dated other people). Then got back together for another year, till she left me for another person, about 7 months ago.
It's kinda hard to explain my ways with alcohol. My dad is an alcoholic, tried to quit a lot of times, failing misserably. One if my first memories is me crawling for the first time as a baby trying to wake him up while hes blacked out on the floor next to me. Like I said before, I started (like almost everybody else) drinking some weekends, from time to time and never too much to blackout or anything like that.
Since my arrival in Germany I began drinking often, still being responsible and managing to pass all the subjects with very good grades. Still I developed some nasty habits which I would enjoy doing every now and then, for example drinking as much as I could just to being able to fall sleep, drink the next day to fight the hangover, and sometimes drinking alone because of my boredom and the lack of finding a sense in my life. STILL doing everything right, never giving too much money for booze, never blackening out and always fullfilling everything I had to do.
Eventually I started going to fraternity houses, partying with the frat boys and eventually got accepted at one of those organizations (My Ex was a huge fan of the fratboys scene, and was the main reason why I decided to join one of the houses). The alcohol consume worsened, still, I would always drink way less than the other people in the scene. And never felt like I would have a problem. Eventually my exgirlfriend (who drowned herself in the fraternity world and got kinda possesed by everything there) would leave me for another frat boy with a bigger house also was also more recognized in the scene. THEN it began, everything got worse, I would go party like an animal, almost everyday, coming home at about 4 am every night, having sex with a lot of girls and making a bunch of friends every night.
But still managing to do everything for my career (though at this point I wrote some of my exams and Texts drunk, surprisingly becoming A's and B's like before). Eventually, my consumption would worsened, I began having what I like to call "phases". I would go on binge drinking phases for about 2 to 4 days, none stopping, getting like 2 blackouts per day, and waking up to watch some series and drink again, almost without any food and trying to be invisible for the other guys in the frathouse. Still I would wake up after a few days and quit cold turkey without any withdrawal sindromes. I got so worried about the situation that I started to talk with everyone about it, asking for advice. The guys at the frat house would deny me having any problem, both of my parents also denied it, I checked myself in the clinic 3 times after having such phases, they would also denied me having a problem, insisting all I've to do was work with myself since I had problem in my head and not with the alcohol, and sending me back home after I sobered up in the clinic. Ive visited a few therapists, which also agreed with the doctors. All of them insisting I wouldn't have any problem with alcohol, but rather with myself, a lack of self esteem (which I indeed have) and alcohol was a way of filling that hole in me.. In the meantime I quit the alcohol consume for a few month, being able to enjoy every single party & reunion without drinking a single drop of the substance. There would be partys where I would just drink one or two beers and then be able to quit. After finishing my Semester I flew to my homeland for a month, enjoying my vacations there and without a single drop of alcohol. Still, when I came back the phases would happen every now and then (this time often, about 2 times a month). I abused from alcohol and couldnt stop my drinking for the next few days, finding it was almost the only way to express my sadness and all the negative emotions that I felt. (I was unable to cry after the breakup, unless I was completely hammered and laid in bed alone, hopeless and sad).
I would really like to know you opinions, I'm experimenting such a phase right now. I enjoy a rich social life, and was named the chief from the fraternity last week, I behold a great responsability, and need to know what to do, I'm flying in 11 days to my homeland and I'm thinking about staying drunk till then, since I hardly find a way out of this vicious circle of depression and loneliness in which I get trapped every now and then. What do you think? Im only 21 years old and feel like I'm carrying such a heavy weight in my, the weight of my past, my denial to accept myself and the alcohol abuse.
Greetings!
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Gatineau, QC, CA
Posts: 5,100
Welcome to SR! Heartbreak and Alcohol don't mix well my friend. Beleive me ;-)
You are 21, please consider quitting while you are ahead. 20 years later you could be me.
Happy you found us and keep posting !
You are 21, please consider quitting while you are ahead. 20 years later you could be me.
Happy you found us and keep posting !
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,492
Welcome!
If you think you have a problem with alcohol then that is all that matters. It doesn't matter that your parents, girlfriend, counsellors don't think you do. If you think alcohol is causing problems in your life, then I hope you decide to stop drinking.
Have you talked to your dr about your depression? It could be affected by alcohol, for sure. If you were depressed before you began drinking, it could be that your dr could help you with medication.
If you think you have a problem with alcohol then that is all that matters. It doesn't matter that your parents, girlfriend, counsellors don't think you do. If you think alcohol is causing problems in your life, then I hope you decide to stop drinking.
Have you talked to your dr about your depression? It could be affected by alcohol, for sure. If you were depressed before you began drinking, it could be that your dr could help you with medication.
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 11
Hello Thepatman, thanks for the quick answer. Indeed, I've thinking about quitting alcohol, and I'm starting to believe that is the best solution for me. I don't know what it feels like to be an alcoholic, but I'm guessing I'm heading straight to the problem if I don't stop falling in those binges. I believe I need to come clean with myself and learn to accept me if not I'm heading for a life full of excesses and pain, just like my dads. Im just afraid this time I will suffer from any withdrawal symptom :/.
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Hi Anna, I also thank you for answering so fast. Yes I can say I suffered from depression and struggled to accept myself for a long time. I believe that the relationship took my mind away from such problems, but when I was left for another person everything came back. I've sure talked with the doctors about it, they recommended i should check myself in a psychiatry, I went there and the doctors there told me it wasn't that much of a deal, and said I should be able to solve everything talking to a psychology. I was told that I have a stong negative part of me which comes out when I drink too much, and, like I said at the same time, I'm just able to really express my feelings when I'm pretty drunk, Which worries me a lot.
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Join Date: Dec 2012
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Thank you very much. I firmly believe I need someone to talk about all my problems, which ain't easy in the situation I'm living. I live in a college town, the town with the most bars in whole Germany, drinking and partying is a thing I see on a daily basis here. I have many friends, but still, like I said they won't think I've a problem (most of them drink pretty often and enormous quantities of alcohol).
I must say this last "phase" isn't as bad as the other ones. The last two times I would drink a bottle of rum + a few beers every day (last time being rushed to the clinic with almost 3.0 alcohol level) while today I've drank a few Beers. Still I fear about everything, I fear about experiencing DT or something like that, I fear about not being able to catch the flight back home in 11 days. I fear I can't fulfill my role as president herein the house cause I'm not even able to control myself. I met my exgirlfriend on Friday, for the first time since the last 7 months. I did well, I behave myself, but still, I believe in my very unconsciousness part of the brain is it the reason why im drinking the last days. Still, I managed to do every homework for college and for the fraternity, but completely fear about what will come next.
I must say this last "phase" isn't as bad as the other ones. The last two times I would drink a bottle of rum + a few beers every day (last time being rushed to the clinic with almost 3.0 alcohol level) while today I've drank a few Beers. Still I fear about everything, I fear about experiencing DT or something like that, I fear about not being able to catch the flight back home in 11 days. I fear I can't fulfill my role as president herein the house cause I'm not even able to control myself. I met my exgirlfriend on Friday, for the first time since the last 7 months. I did well, I behave myself, but still, I believe in my very unconsciousness part of the brain is it the reason why im drinking the last days. Still, I managed to do every homework for college and for the fraternity, but completely fear about what will come next.
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 277
Hi Rockdrigo,
Welcome to SR, there is a wonderful wealth of experience, support and wisdom shared here. SR and AA together have assisted me in achieving six months of sobriety, which is the longest I have ever had, and I am in my forties now.
It takes a lot of courage and honesty to step back and question one's drinking patterns at your age. I can add from my own experience that if you suspect you are drinking abusively or alcoholically now, if you continue to do so the prospect of many harsh and painful outcomes looms large. The progressive reality of this problem came as a rude awakening to me when, after dealing with routine hangovers all my life, around age 38 I suddenly no longer had them. Instead I found myself having to suffer routinely through withdrawal episodes. I'm not saying full blown DTs, but certainly by no sane standard were these just "hangovers." Something had irreparably changed. Passing my days feeling like a frightened trapped animal was not something I had wanted or anticipated. And no matter how I tried to moderate or go back to the salad days of my earlier "happy" drinking, it simply couldn't be done.
I add this because you mentioned concern about withdrawal syndromes.
It's always in the cards if you drink alcoholically. And it is extremely unpleasant and at worst life-threatening. So take control now and opt for sanity, health in body and mind. Talk to a doctor honestly about your drinking (preferably before having to do so, like I did, at the ER). You are clearly a bright student and a self-aware person. Stay strong and stay mindful!
I wish you the best on your path!
Welcome to SR, there is a wonderful wealth of experience, support and wisdom shared here. SR and AA together have assisted me in achieving six months of sobriety, which is the longest I have ever had, and I am in my forties now.
It takes a lot of courage and honesty to step back and question one's drinking patterns at your age. I can add from my own experience that if you suspect you are drinking abusively or alcoholically now, if you continue to do so the prospect of many harsh and painful outcomes looms large. The progressive reality of this problem came as a rude awakening to me when, after dealing with routine hangovers all my life, around age 38 I suddenly no longer had them. Instead I found myself having to suffer routinely through withdrawal episodes. I'm not saying full blown DTs, but certainly by no sane standard were these just "hangovers." Something had irreparably changed. Passing my days feeling like a frightened trapped animal was not something I had wanted or anticipated. And no matter how I tried to moderate or go back to the salad days of my earlier "happy" drinking, it simply couldn't be done.
I add this because you mentioned concern about withdrawal syndromes.
It's always in the cards if you drink alcoholically. And it is extremely unpleasant and at worst life-threatening. So take control now and opt for sanity, health in body and mind. Talk to a doctor honestly about your drinking (preferably before having to do so, like I did, at the ER). You are clearly a bright student and a self-aware person. Stay strong and stay mindful!
I wish you the best on your path!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 11
Hey Oinobares! Thank you for your answer. Yes, like I said i am concerned about the withdrawal symptoms. I have been drinking for three days (before that I made a two weeks pause), made pauses every now and then for hours and everyday I managed to eat something.
Like you say, it's really hard to admit I'm concerned about my drinking at this early age, it's not easy when everyone around me does nothing else but to drink and party hard. But I'm determined to change, I've been abusing from the stuff for the last 7 months, and I want to change my life, I wanna be someone different, I want to have a happy normal life, a sober life (to be sober is one of the most beautiful things in life as I realize now). I want to finish college, work, earn money, find a person who can make me happy (and who I can also make happy) have a beautiful family and give mi kids all the love I can give, instead of being like my old man (who I love above everything, but I slowly realize how much problems he has in his own life and hope he can also battle this disease). Thank you!
Like you say, it's really hard to admit I'm concerned about my drinking at this early age, it's not easy when everyone around me does nothing else but to drink and party hard. But I'm determined to change, I've been abusing from the stuff for the last 7 months, and I want to change my life, I wanna be someone different, I want to have a happy normal life, a sober life (to be sober is one of the most beautiful things in life as I realize now). I want to finish college, work, earn money, find a person who can make me happy (and who I can also make happy) have a beautiful family and give mi kids all the love I can give, instead of being like my old man (who I love above everything, but I slowly realize how much problems he has in his own life and hope he can also battle this disease). Thank you!
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Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: New York City
Posts: 154
Juan,
You sound a lot like me... social, successful, no obvious repercussions from drinking. But with sadness, depression, and a feeling inside that things will only get worse. I just turned 22 and I know that it's difficult to quit so young... but I have 54 days! And once I made the decision, which was the hardest part, it has only gotten better. If you aren't convinced, try it for 30 days. Moderating for me was boring and time consuming. I was always thinking about how I DIDN'T only want one or two drinks. It's easier for me to just go without... Hope you are feeling better!
You sound a lot like me... social, successful, no obvious repercussions from drinking. But with sadness, depression, and a feeling inside that things will only get worse. I just turned 22 and I know that it's difficult to quit so young... but I have 54 days! And once I made the decision, which was the hardest part, it has only gotten better. If you aren't convinced, try it for 30 days. Moderating for me was boring and time consuming. I was always thinking about how I DIDN'T only want one or two drinks. It's easier for me to just go without... Hope you are feeling better!
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 11
Hey isinganyway! It's awesome to know I'm not the only one experiencing such a problem at this very young age. It's kinda hard to understand such a situation like mine (yours probably too). I have everything, I have beautiful friends, I'm like that kind of guy who always goes to parties with 3 or 4 girls. I love the people in the fraternity. I love my life here in Germany, still, there's something missing, like you wrote, there is something telling me things will only get worse. I've done the 30 days challenge (which is really hard in the place where I live and the life that I lead) and everything went more than fine, even won a couple of free tacos cause people were betting I wouldn't manage 30 days (or in that case, 7 weeks) without booze. But this time I'm done with this. I am really done, I can't keep living such a life, I should've known by now how bad things can get, after seeing my father. And this is it. I wanna be successful in life, and I'm gonna make it. I don't want to end up like my father (who graduated from college at age 55, attending the ceremony completely hammered, driving and drinking to the bar with me sitting next to him and trying to tell him to calm down). I don't want that for me.
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Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: New York City
Posts: 154
I feel that. Check out some AA meetings, keep an open mind, and don't worry about the future. You don't have to say "I'm done forever." Focus on each day for the first couple of weeks. It's less intimidating. And remember that there's a difference between "drinking buddies" and real friends...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 11
Thank you very much for your support. I will definitely go to therapy, I'm happy I understood that I had a problem at such a young age. I firmly believe I should quit while I can, and while there is still a Chance to get my normal life back.
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Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 1,410
Seem to be like you abuse alcohol. College is a place where people first expensive alcohol abuse but drinking 2 to 4 days of bingeing is going to kill you. It maybe time to quit drinking now and move out of the frat house life because you go down a road that you will have a hard time controlling. Your college drinking is not normal and completely unsafe. Talk to a different doctor that understand addiction and depression and see what he/she can do for you.
Good luck and I hope you get out of this party drunken mood.
Good luck and I hope you get out of this party drunken mood.
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Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 603
I disagree with both the therapists and the clinics. Sure, your alcohol use may be due to low self esteem, but to say that you only have a low self esteem problem and not an alcohol problem makes no sense to me. Look at what you said:
"I'm flying in 11 days to my homeland and I'm thinking about staying drunk till then."
People without an alcohol problem don't say stuff like that.
It seems that a lot of people are telling you that you don't have a drinking problem (frat boys aren't the best judge of such things). But if drinking wasn't causing problems in your life, you wouldn't be on this forum.
Whatever the case, I wish you the best.
"I'm flying in 11 days to my homeland and I'm thinking about staying drunk till then."
People without an alcohol problem don't say stuff like that.
It seems that a lot of people are telling you that you don't have a drinking problem (frat boys aren't the best judge of such things). But if drinking wasn't causing problems in your life, you wouldn't be on this forum.
Whatever the case, I wish you the best.
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Corvallis, OR
Posts: 4
Gotcha. IN a similar boat
Hey,
I'm 24. In grad school. "Functional" in many, many ways. But I am the guy that can't stop drinking at parties, and who always feels so embarrassed or ashamed of whatever happens after. This summer I was sober through a solid four months. I got a lot of work done, cleaned up my life a bit, and got in the door of an agency I have always dreamed of being in.
I was sober for a year in undergrad. That year I lost 20 pounds, started an amazing relationship and earned myself an opportunity to live abroad for a year.
For me, alcohol is black hole. It is always slowly trying to pull me in, the more I drink the closer I get and the stronger the pull towards oblivion. The only way I've realized I can win this is to turn my ship around and head straight home. Humans thrived for thousands of years before this stuff.
So I guess my question is: why do you care what other people think about it, if you yourself are still wanting this conversation? What about what you think? What about what you want? What kind of life do you want?
I'm 24. In grad school. "Functional" in many, many ways. But I am the guy that can't stop drinking at parties, and who always feels so embarrassed or ashamed of whatever happens after. This summer I was sober through a solid four months. I got a lot of work done, cleaned up my life a bit, and got in the door of an agency I have always dreamed of being in.
I was sober for a year in undergrad. That year I lost 20 pounds, started an amazing relationship and earned myself an opportunity to live abroad for a year.
For me, alcohol is black hole. It is always slowly trying to pull me in, the more I drink the closer I get and the stronger the pull towards oblivion. The only way I've realized I can win this is to turn my ship around and head straight home. Humans thrived for thousands of years before this stuff.
So I guess my question is: why do you care what other people think about it, if you yourself are still wanting this conversation? What about what you think? What about what you want? What kind of life do you want?
Originally Posted by Rockdrigo 
Well hello everybody, this is my first post here, and God I never though it would go this far, but I hope this community can give me some advice since I've been going though a rough phase the last months.
Lets just say my name is Juan. I'm a foreigner in Germany, been living here without my parents or any family members for about 2 years now.
I always drank alcohol, back in my country me and my friends would often got to partys, sometimes I would drink a lot, sometimes I would drink a glass and sometimes nothing at all, and would still enjoy the events.
I moved to Germany about 2 years ago, I enjoyed an awesome time since I came here. Fell in love with a beautiful girl and eventually got together with her, partied hard like in my own country, drinking not only weekends but sometimes also during the week, still, I never missed anything, I was (and still am) quiet responsible (actually I didn't got such good grades in high school, but since I started my career I've been writing only A's and B's). Anyways, it was the most serious relationship I've ever had, we were 1 year together, then were separate for 4 month (time in which me and her dated other people). Then got back together for another year, till she left me for another person, about 7 months ago.
It's kinda hard to explain my ways with alcohol. My dad is an alcoholic, tried to quit a lot of times, failing misserably. One if my first memories is me crawling for the first time as a baby trying to wake him up while hes blacked out on the floor next to me. Like I said before, I started (like almost everybody else) drinking some weekends, from time to time and never too much to blackout or anything like that.
Since my arrival in Germany I began drinking often, still being responsible and managing to pass all the subjects with very good grades. Still I developed some nasty habits which I would enjoy doing every now and then, for example drinking as much as I could just to being able to fall sleep, drink the next day to fight the hangover, and sometimes drinking alone because of my boredom and the lack of finding a sense in my life. STILL doing everything right, never giving too much money for booze, never blackening out and always fullfilling everything I had to do.
Eventually I started going to fraternity houses, partying with the frat boys and eventually got accepted at one of those organizations (My Ex was a huge fan of the fratboys scene, and was the main reason why I decided to join one of the houses). The alcohol consume worsened, still, I would always drink way less than the other people in the scene. And never felt like I would have a problem. Eventually my exgirlfriend (who drowned herself in the fraternity world and got kinda possesed by everything there) would leave me for another frat boy with a bigger house also was also more recognized in the scene. THEN it began, everything got worse, I would go party like an animal, almost everyday, coming home at about 4 am every night, having sex with a lot of girls and making a bunch of friends every night.
But still managing to do everything for my career (though at this point I wrote some of my exams and Texts drunk, surprisingly becoming A's and B's like before). Eventually, my consumption would worsened, I began having what I like to call "phases". I would go on binge drinking phases for about 2 to 4 days, none stopping, getting like 2 blackouts per day, and waking up to watch some series and drink again, almost without any food and trying to be invisible for the other guys in the frathouse. Still I would wake up after a few days and quit cold turkey without any withdrawal sindromes. I got so worried about the situation that I started to talk with everyone about it, asking for advice. The guys at the frat house would deny me having any problem, both of my parents also denied it, I checked myself in the clinic 3 times after having such phases, they would also denied me having a problem, insisting all I've to do was work with myself since I had problem in my head and not with the alcohol, and sending me back home after I sobered up in the clinic. Ive visited a few therapists, which also agreed with the doctors. All of them insisting I wouldn't have any problem with alcohol, but rather with myself, a lack of self esteem (which I indeed have) and alcohol was a way of filling that hole in me.. In the meantime I quit the alcohol consume for a few month, being able to enjoy every single party & reunion without drinking a single drop of the substance. There would be partys where I would just drink one or two beers and then be able to quit. After finishing my Semester I flew to my homeland for a month, enjoying my vacations there and without a single drop of alcohol. Still, when I came back the phases would happen every now and then (this time often, about 2 times a month). I abused from alcohol and couldnt stop my drinking for the next few days, finding it was almost the only way to express my sadness and all the negative emotions that I felt. (I was unable to cry after the breakup, unless I was completely hammered and laid in bed alone, hopeless and sad).
I would really like to know you opinions, I'm experimenting such a phase right now. I enjoy a rich social life, and was named the chief from the fraternity last week, I behold a great responsability, and need to know what to do, I'm flying in 11 days to my homeland and I'm thinking about staying drunk till then, since I hardly find a way out of this vicious circle of depression and loneliness in which I get trapped every now and then. What do you think? Im only 21 years old and feel like I'm carrying such a heavy weight in my, the weight of my past, my denial to accept myself and the alcohol abuse.
Greetings!
Lets just say my name is Juan. I'm a foreigner in Germany, been living here without my parents or any family members for about 2 years now.
I always drank alcohol, back in my country me and my friends would often got to partys, sometimes I would drink a lot, sometimes I would drink a glass and sometimes nothing at all, and would still enjoy the events.
I moved to Germany about 2 years ago, I enjoyed an awesome time since I came here. Fell in love with a beautiful girl and eventually got together with her, partied hard like in my own country, drinking not only weekends but sometimes also during the week, still, I never missed anything, I was (and still am) quiet responsible (actually I didn't got such good grades in high school, but since I started my career I've been writing only A's and B's). Anyways, it was the most serious relationship I've ever had, we were 1 year together, then were separate for 4 month (time in which me and her dated other people). Then got back together for another year, till she left me for another person, about 7 months ago.
It's kinda hard to explain my ways with alcohol. My dad is an alcoholic, tried to quit a lot of times, failing misserably. One if my first memories is me crawling for the first time as a baby trying to wake him up while hes blacked out on the floor next to me. Like I said before, I started (like almost everybody else) drinking some weekends, from time to time and never too much to blackout or anything like that.
Since my arrival in Germany I began drinking often, still being responsible and managing to pass all the subjects with very good grades. Still I developed some nasty habits which I would enjoy doing every now and then, for example drinking as much as I could just to being able to fall sleep, drink the next day to fight the hangover, and sometimes drinking alone because of my boredom and the lack of finding a sense in my life. STILL doing everything right, never giving too much money for booze, never blackening out and always fullfilling everything I had to do.
Eventually I started going to fraternity houses, partying with the frat boys and eventually got accepted at one of those organizations (My Ex was a huge fan of the fratboys scene, and was the main reason why I decided to join one of the houses). The alcohol consume worsened, still, I would always drink way less than the other people in the scene. And never felt like I would have a problem. Eventually my exgirlfriend (who drowned herself in the fraternity world and got kinda possesed by everything there) would leave me for another frat boy with a bigger house also was also more recognized in the scene. THEN it began, everything got worse, I would go party like an animal, almost everyday, coming home at about 4 am every night, having sex with a lot of girls and making a bunch of friends every night.
But still managing to do everything for my career (though at this point I wrote some of my exams and Texts drunk, surprisingly becoming A's and B's like before). Eventually, my consumption would worsened, I began having what I like to call "phases". I would go on binge drinking phases for about 2 to 4 days, none stopping, getting like 2 blackouts per day, and waking up to watch some series and drink again, almost without any food and trying to be invisible for the other guys in the frathouse. Still I would wake up after a few days and quit cold turkey without any withdrawal sindromes. I got so worried about the situation that I started to talk with everyone about it, asking for advice. The guys at the frat house would deny me having any problem, both of my parents also denied it, I checked myself in the clinic 3 times after having such phases, they would also denied me having a problem, insisting all I've to do was work with myself since I had problem in my head and not with the alcohol, and sending me back home after I sobered up in the clinic. Ive visited a few therapists, which also agreed with the doctors. All of them insisting I wouldn't have any problem with alcohol, but rather with myself, a lack of self esteem (which I indeed have) and alcohol was a way of filling that hole in me.. In the meantime I quit the alcohol consume for a few month, being able to enjoy every single party & reunion without drinking a single drop of the substance. There would be partys where I would just drink one or two beers and then be able to quit. After finishing my Semester I flew to my homeland for a month, enjoying my vacations there and without a single drop of alcohol. Still, when I came back the phases would happen every now and then (this time often, about 2 times a month). I abused from alcohol and couldnt stop my drinking for the next few days, finding it was almost the only way to express my sadness and all the negative emotions that I felt. (I was unable to cry after the breakup, unless I was completely hammered and laid in bed alone, hopeless and sad).
I would really like to know you opinions, I'm experimenting such a phase right now. I enjoy a rich social life, and was named the chief from the fraternity last week, I behold a great responsability, and need to know what to do, I'm flying in 11 days to my homeland and I'm thinking about staying drunk till then, since I hardly find a way out of this vicious circle of depression and loneliness in which I get trapped every now and then. What do you think? Im only 21 years old and feel like I'm carrying such a heavy weight in my, the weight of my past, my denial to accept myself and the alcohol abuse.
Greetings!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 11
Hello everyone. I just got back home form the psychiatry clinic. Checked myself yesterday morning after getting a call from my mom. I confessed her that I was having again such an episode. And she confessed my Dad had been on a binge drinking phase for about a month and had to be checked in rehab about two weeks ago. With the premise that he will be spending christimas and new years eve there.
I arrived at the clinic by myself. was diagnosed with 1,3 per mile alcohol in my blood. Some depressions, problems with myself, my self esteem and childhood issues that I was carrying around the whole time. An alcohol problem was also diagnosted, wich wasn't really described as a addiction, but still, a problem. Fueled by all the other issues. I still think the person who did the inform wasn't really paying attention to what I told since I was also described as a smoker (which I'm not), and with a behavior wich wasn't adequate (even though I remained pretty calm the whole process).
I stayed there the night and actually showed mild withdrawal symptoms such as mild tremor in my hands, difficulty to sleep and a being a bit nervous.
I could also talk about having a few cravings for a drink, (still not to an extreme way). In any other way I did absolutely fine, read a book the whole time took a bath and eat the proper three meals a day.
I was given a bit of diazepam in the night, since I always had a bit of trouble calming down for sleep, specially in this situations. It helped and I sleep for a couple of hours pretty well.
The only problem was that there wasn't really a proper place in the other stations at the psychiatry, just in the one who would take emergency calls, which meant I definitely shared the station with people with major problems.
I felt myself totally wrong there. I really couldn't talk to anyone, either the people were to ill or the doctors were too busy or way too unfriendly. My consultant was really nice to me, saying that he did believe the problem would lie the most in my head, and my psychological issues, still one couldn't deny I should control my consume (or quit if I thought it was the best). And was recommended to check in a rehabilitation group or an organization to help people with concerns about the substance consume.
Today I did so much better. Again, eating three meals, showering reading and everything. I would feel fine and was checked again, showing no real withdrawal symptoms anymore. I was released in the evening, bought some food took a long ride with different buses, reflecting about everything that had happened, and finally came home. I ate a pizza, and confessed my problems to some of the people here. Receiving fully comprehension and support. Now I'm off to bed, I have here some baldrian piles and was recommended by my consultant to take if I felt that fear of sleeping again.
I read a few things about the withdrawal symptoms, which I pretty much fear, since I've read a lot about the so called DTs. I'm really scared not to end up with such a thing. Does anybody know such an experience, or what it feels like and could eventually share that with me?.
And finally. I decided (like I said before) that the 12.12.12 is the day my new life without any addictive substance will begin. I've decided to change, I know alcohol is affecting my life and there's no wonder it will continue affecting it if I don't change. I'm an 21 and therefore already an adult, I need to think about my future. Do I want my kids to suffer like I suffered with an alcoholic father? Do I want to marry someone and make her suffer the way my mom did with my dad? No, I want to be a good person, I want my family to be proud of my, I want to be proud of myself.
Greeting and I will keep posting!
I arrived at the clinic by myself. was diagnosed with 1,3 per mile alcohol in my blood. Some depressions, problems with myself, my self esteem and childhood issues that I was carrying around the whole time. An alcohol problem was also diagnosted, wich wasn't really described as a addiction, but still, a problem. Fueled by all the other issues. I still think the person who did the inform wasn't really paying attention to what I told since I was also described as a smoker (which I'm not), and with a behavior wich wasn't adequate (even though I remained pretty calm the whole process).
I stayed there the night and actually showed mild withdrawal symptoms such as mild tremor in my hands, difficulty to sleep and a being a bit nervous.
I could also talk about having a few cravings for a drink, (still not to an extreme way). In any other way I did absolutely fine, read a book the whole time took a bath and eat the proper three meals a day.
I was given a bit of diazepam in the night, since I always had a bit of trouble calming down for sleep, specially in this situations. It helped and I sleep for a couple of hours pretty well.
The only problem was that there wasn't really a proper place in the other stations at the psychiatry, just in the one who would take emergency calls, which meant I definitely shared the station with people with major problems.
I felt myself totally wrong there. I really couldn't talk to anyone, either the people were to ill or the doctors were too busy or way too unfriendly. My consultant was really nice to me, saying that he did believe the problem would lie the most in my head, and my psychological issues, still one couldn't deny I should control my consume (or quit if I thought it was the best). And was recommended to check in a rehabilitation group or an organization to help people with concerns about the substance consume.
Today I did so much better. Again, eating three meals, showering reading and everything. I would feel fine and was checked again, showing no real withdrawal symptoms anymore. I was released in the evening, bought some food took a long ride with different buses, reflecting about everything that had happened, and finally came home. I ate a pizza, and confessed my problems to some of the people here. Receiving fully comprehension and support. Now I'm off to bed, I have here some baldrian piles and was recommended by my consultant to take if I felt that fear of sleeping again.
I read a few things about the withdrawal symptoms, which I pretty much fear, since I've read a lot about the so called DTs. I'm really scared not to end up with such a thing. Does anybody know such an experience, or what it feels like and could eventually share that with me?.
And finally. I decided (like I said before) that the 12.12.12 is the day my new life without any addictive substance will begin. I've decided to change, I know alcohol is affecting my life and there's no wonder it will continue affecting it if I don't change. I'm an 21 and therefore already an adult, I need to think about my future. Do I want my kids to suffer like I suffered with an alcoholic father? Do I want to marry someone and make her suffer the way my mom did with my dad? No, I want to be a good person, I want my family to be proud of my, I want to be proud of myself.
Greeting and I will keep posting!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: New York
Posts: 59
I'm glad to hear your are doing something proactive. I don't know about withdrawal symptoms but I remember back in the day when I used to binge drink on occasion the next day I got chills, was shaking and could not even drink a. Glass of water. I felt like death. I think these were the symptoms of alcohol poisoning . After 24 -36 hours I would feel fine again. I wouldn't binge drink for a while after an episode like this but it happened a few more times over the years but I finally learned to at some point to stop myself from doing this and I didn't drink like this again. Drinking the way you do I really think you should just stop. I started with the notion that I could moderate but I decided to just stop . The potential damage to ones health and mind and family is really not worth it. I really wish you the best.
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