kam00096

Honestly don't know what to do anymore. Was happy then something small and insignificant happened and I hit the wine. Can't even use my phobia/ anxiety as an excuse this time as it's been really good recently. Am so done with this crap.

Anna

I'm glad you're here, posting and working on your recovery again.

Delilah1

I am glad you are here too, my past slips always went on for too long because I didn't immediately get refocused in recovery. Good for you for coming right back.

Pondlady

If you have any wine left, pour it down the drain and begin again

kam00096

Am just so scared! Can't handle the shakes and the nausea again. Why do I do it to myself? Why did I think it would help? Honestly don't know how I'll get through the night

rainyengland

Keep talking on here :-) - chuck the wine away and be strong

Waking up feeling terrible with a hangover not going to solve anything

2granddaughters

kam, are you attending AA meetings?

Bob R

Delilah1

I noticed one morning recently how easy it was to help put earrings in my daughter's ears. My hands used to be a little shaky and my fine motor coordination wasn't what it should have been.

instant

It might help to review the sequence of how this happened, and the thinking/reasoning that led to the decision.

I had so many "&^^k it" moments in my journey to sobriety. Understanding it is a pattern helps

kam00096

I have no excuse other than that I was sad and didn't want to be.

MidnightBlue

Hi, Kam! I've been wondering, where you've been all this time)

I'm glad you decided to come back!

Many of us screwed it up before, the point is to get up and get back on the track. Do not shut yourself inside your shell, if nothing else, keep posting here. And sobriety is not just about keeping wine away, it's about changing yourself, making up a plan how to deal with sadness, anxiety, loneliness, etc. You have to make changes if you want to change this vicious circle.

Keep posting, you are not alone here)

Dee74

welcome back

Think about what you need to add Kam - is it more support? or more willingness for look for non alcoholic solutions?

I believe you can do this - it's hard to face our feelings but it will get easier - we just have to do it that first time


D

kam00096

I'm still seeing the psychologist (she's in for a bumper session this week!!) but I think I need to take a good hard look at my life and work out a way to be happy in myself. I've been doing the online dating thing and it's just making me more miserable. Defi need to sort myself out first.

Dee74

I think adding dating to the mix would have been too much for me Kam.
I needed to work out who I was first.

D

kam00096

You're so right Dee! At the moment I don't like myself so I can't really expect anyone else to! Guess I thought it'd be a positive thing but in retrospect it was just another crutch. And my last 2 slips have been down to me being upset over things with a guy so perhaps not the best plan I've ever had.

artsoul

It's definitely a learning process and no one does it perfectly, kam..... don't be too hard on yourself. :ghug3

Like Dee said, feelings can freak us out at first, but the more you deal with them, the better you get at it. When I was drinking, the smallest thing could put me in tears. The depression and anxiety were awful. It takes some time for things to settle down emotionally, but they will. Hang in there - things will get better!

raja12

I did the exact same thing last night. I almost had 2 weeks. I realize now that what happened set me off,yes,but the real reason I picked up was the fact that I'm an alcoholic. I'm going to have to work tbrough the next episode though. I'm certainly paying the price dearly 2day. I'm upset too,but I have to keep on trying. I refuse to give up! Hang tough!