choices - more forward progress
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Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Under the Rainbow
Posts: 1,086
choices - more forward progress
It's finally sunk in. It's finally really gone all the way past all the layers of ACoA garbage. I have free will, I have the option to choose what I plan on doing with any given piece of information.
I think it started with "I have the right to not participate in the crazy-making behaviors of my family." I still repeat that as a mantra as needed. But it's gone beyond a "right" now.
I have the choice to not participate in the crazy-making behaviors of my family. It is not only a right, which may be taken away at will by The Powers That Be. It is MY choice. It is MY free will.
For those of you still struggling with this, keep on struggling. It will sink in.
In my family, guilt was used to control people. Guilt is like a box wrapped in brown paper - you have no idea what the contents are when you receive it. I was trained to accept the brown paper package and not look inside until later. Even when I KNEW what was inside, I would still, out of habit I suppose, accept the box.
Then I learned to say "No thank you." That was a choice. I learned that I didn't have to accept the box. I learned that I could say "I understand you want me to have that box, and I don't want it." ('and', not 'but')
My father called my mom and me yesterday to tell my mom that he wanted her to either write her children/grandchildren out of the will, or she needed to divorce him. I have chosen to stay out of the marital dispute, and simply tell my mom that no matter what decision she makes, I will continue to take care of her. I chose that. It was not thrust upon me, it was not someone else controlling my behavior. It was a conscious decision made after thinking through the various ramifications of my choice.
I am learning. I hope this helps someone else along their path.
I think it started with "I have the right to not participate in the crazy-making behaviors of my family." I still repeat that as a mantra as needed. But it's gone beyond a "right" now.
I have the choice to not participate in the crazy-making behaviors of my family. It is not only a right, which may be taken away at will by The Powers That Be. It is MY choice. It is MY free will.
For those of you still struggling with this, keep on struggling. It will sink in.
In my family, guilt was used to control people. Guilt is like a box wrapped in brown paper - you have no idea what the contents are when you receive it. I was trained to accept the brown paper package and not look inside until later. Even when I KNEW what was inside, I would still, out of habit I suppose, accept the box.
Then I learned to say "No thank you." That was a choice. I learned that I didn't have to accept the box. I learned that I could say "I understand you want me to have that box, and I don't want it." ('and', not 'but')
My father called my mom and me yesterday to tell my mom that he wanted her to either write her children/grandchildren out of the will, or she needed to divorce him. I have chosen to stay out of the marital dispute, and simply tell my mom that no matter what decision she makes, I will continue to take care of her. I chose that. It was not thrust upon me, it was not someone else controlling my behavior. It was a conscious decision made after thinking through the various ramifications of my choice.
I am learning. I hope this helps someone else along their path.
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