kthopkt

So my uncle was killed this past week. I didn't tell my brother who is in jail but he found out anyways and called me to say he was sorry & that he loved me. He kept the phone call short & sweet. I feel bad for my brother because I didn't write him or go to visit him in jail. I sort of felt like he didn't deserve to find out from me & I also didn't think he would care but I was wrong.

Should I write him now to let him know that everyone was asking about him at the funeral & also that many photos of him were scattered throughout the family collages. The past several months I really have been struggling with how to show my brother that I love him without being a co-dependant.

I think he believes the family has completely given up on him & doesn't love him anymore but I know that they do and maybe I need to tell him that????

Thanks!

Impurrfect

((kthoptk)) - I'm so sorry about your uncle. Just my 2 cents, but I think it would be a nice gesture to send the letter to your brother. When I was locked up (I'm both an RA and a recovering codie, now), it was seeing that my family was living life without me, they still loved me but they no longer counted on me to be a part of the family, that hit a nerve.

I'm not saying the letter will spur your brother into recovery, that's not what it's about. When my XABF#2's mom died, I went to the funeral. It wasn't about him, it was about her (a lovely woman who was very supportive of me until her death) but I did see him there. It was about MY feelings and I did what I felt was right, not a codie thought in there. He died 2 years later, from the addiction we once shared, but I was at peace with what I had done and not done.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

DJ0822

The torment you have to experience as a result of your brother's addiction is so evident. I am sorry for that for you. If it helps you in any way, please know that your feelings and posts are so helpful to me as the parent of of an adult son who is a drug addict. My daughter, 2 years older than her brother, is in such pain emotionally from our current status, because she and her brother have always been so close. Your input makes me even more aware of the pain a sister experiences from her brother, and it helps strengthen my resolve to stay strong on my boundaries with son. I just asked my daughter to join me in a Nar Anon meeting this week.

Take care of you. You are trying to act rational in an irrational situation - it's insanity. If you want to tell him his family loves him, and if that gives you more internal peace, then do it. There is no right or wrong way. You are acting out of love for your brother. It's just that there are no instructions about how to handle all of this and still escape the pain.

I pray for peace in your heart.:ghug3

kthopkt

Thank you for your comments. I have decided to write my brother to let him know that many people were inquiring about him & that he was included on the collages. If nothing more, at least he will know that he hasn't been forgotten. I will not write anything else in the letter.
DJ0822: I am so sorry you are struggling with your son's addiction & it sounds like he is not the only one you are worried about. Does your daughter use this forum as well? If not, I would encourage her to join. Like your daughter, I was very close with my brother growing up & maybe that is why I am having such a hard time now. I am glad you two have each other.