There is hope..
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Ireland
Posts: 59
There is hope..
My success story is not the one you hope for when you first arrive at this forum.
Its maybe 18 months since I was active here and I reported anguish with suicide threats, children in danger and varying forms of pure heartache with my alcoholic wife.
She flunked rehabs, took off places, lied, lied and lied again.
I imagined my life a life sentence dreaming ten years ahead when freedom might come when my child would be eighteen.
The caught-in-the-act drunken in-fidelity set the path to the end sooner.
In my heart I knew sobriety would never come her way, she rebelled against all programs.
It took 50mg of Zoloft daily (for me), a wonderful therapist, a ugly and fairly public half-hearted overdose (her, not me) and her fed up intervening family for me to leave. I forgot to mention the hovering Supreme Court action for sole care and control I pulled at the 11th hour.
Anyway I am now free, she is attempting sobriety (I am no longer there to pick up her pieces)
Life is amazing without everyday wondering "is this the day I come home and smell booze, will she, won’t she, is she lying" That is over and I can never go back.
She always used to call the F&F people here the ‘haters’, and there are some strong venomous views aired here at times, but I think the advice you get here is spot on (Although I am not an Al-anon fan the underlying essence of addiction and manipulation told here is true)
I hope this tale gives somebody a bit of Strenght & Hope. What held me in a bad place for a long time was wanting the outcome to be her sobriety, not my own separate happiness. I had attached that to her changing. Not a reasonable or healthy thing to do.
Ironically a load of my new friends are recovering addicts (various substances). I myself stopped drinking and found that, whilst I may now be a coffee addict, life is very, very good.
Its maybe 18 months since I was active here and I reported anguish with suicide threats, children in danger and varying forms of pure heartache with my alcoholic wife.
She flunked rehabs, took off places, lied, lied and lied again.
I imagined my life a life sentence dreaming ten years ahead when freedom might come when my child would be eighteen.
The caught-in-the-act drunken in-fidelity set the path to the end sooner.
In my heart I knew sobriety would never come her way, she rebelled against all programs.
It took 50mg of Zoloft daily (for me), a wonderful therapist, a ugly and fairly public half-hearted overdose (her, not me) and her fed up intervening family for me to leave. I forgot to mention the hovering Supreme Court action for sole care and control I pulled at the 11th hour.
Anyway I am now free, she is attempting sobriety (I am no longer there to pick up her pieces)
Life is amazing without everyday wondering "is this the day I come home and smell booze, will she, won’t she, is she lying" That is over and I can never go back.
She always used to call the F&F people here the ‘haters’, and there are some strong venomous views aired here at times, but I think the advice you get here is spot on (Although I am not an Al-anon fan the underlying essence of addiction and manipulation told here is true)
I hope this tale gives somebody a bit of Strenght & Hope. What held me in a bad place for a long time was wanting the outcome to be her sobriety, not my own separate happiness. I had attached that to her changing. Not a reasonable or healthy thing to do.
Ironically a load of my new friends are recovering addicts (various substances). I myself stopped drinking and found that, whilst I may now be a coffee addict, life is very, very good.
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
Originally Posted by ValJester 
What held me in a bad place for a long time was wanting the outcome to be her sobriety, not my own separate happiness. I had attached that to her changing. Not a reasonable or healthy thing to do.
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Memphis, TN
Posts: 2,884
Wow, great story.
It mirrors so much of what has happened in my life even down to the time line.
Recovery is possible and there are enough folks on this forum who are examples of success in gaining serenity and happiness as Val has just shown. For those who are still struggling have faith because a better life is possible.
Your friend,
It mirrors so much of what has happened in my life even down to the time line.
Recovery is possible and there are enough folks on this forum who are examples of success in gaining serenity and happiness as Val has just shown. For those who are still struggling have faith because a better life is possible.
Your friend,
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