birddream

I've been concerned about my drinking for many years now, but kept going because all of my friends are drinkers, and I have a hard time not drinking when everyone else around me is. I've also been prescribed Klonopin for anxiety and never abused it, but at the same time have been taking it for 15 years. I'm 38 y.o. and for the past few years have experienced worsening hangovers with less and less alcohol. I also tried to gradually ween myself off of Klonopin over an 18 month period, but continued to drink during that time. Not surprisingly I was not successful and went back on Klonopin (benzos and alcohol are cross-tolerant with each other). Now I'm experiencing the same bizarre neurological symptoms I was experiencing when withdrawing from the Klonopin and I'm back on the drug. Up until about two hours ago, I was still contemplating allowing myself to have a few drinks at my friend's holiday party tomorrow, when a poster on another site linked me to this article about kindling.

Now it has hit me... I can't drink ever again. I think I'm going to lose my friends over this. We don't really hang out much anymore for any other occasion that doesn't involve some kind of drinking. I'm not going to the holiday party tomorrow.

Dee74

welcome birddream

I had to make a lot of changes in my life - some of those changes included some friends and some of the place I used to like to hang out.

Looking back I didn't lose out on the deal tho - some of my drinking friends supported the changes I had to make, I also rediscovered a lot of old friends I'd lost when my drinking got endemic...and I made new friends.

I found a lot of new things to do with my time too
I know it might seem like an ending now, but it's really not...it's a beginning

do see your Dr tho - if you've been drinking for a while, or on benzos, I think a little professional advice would really help

D

IndaMiricale

Welcome aboard..

38 great time to get sober. I started the journey at 39 , and its just been the best thing I could of ever imagined.

I lost all those kind of friends also, and thats okay. The ones I have today are true friends. I thought all my friends that drank and used were friends but as you help yourself and get clean, you will find out how they are just sick also.

Anyways welcome aboard.

Ghostlight

Hello. and welcome. Benzos and alcohol don't mix. Iy's a very dangerous game taking them together and I speak from experience.
I hope you can quit drinking before things get worse. Kindling effect of alcohol will make the hangovers worse and worse, trust me.

I'm glad you're here and I hope you find the site helpfull and feel free to post as often as you need to.

Best to you.

birddream

Thank you for your kind words. I think I'm lucky I didn't have a seizure yet. Luckily, I don't think it will be hard for me to abstain from alcohol, so long as I don't unnecessarily put myself in drinking situations. I don't crave it (in fact, I don't really like the taste).

My problem was more about social anxiety and some underlying need to feel accepted when I drank. I was a big nerd in high school and had no friends. I went to college and learned people would like me if I drank with them. This got engrained in me and kept me drinking for years. Lately, if I went to a party, say, it would be very hard for me to not drink, only because everyone else was. And then once I start, I can't just sip it... I feel a compulsion to pound them - either because I feel anxious around people and try to numb myself or because I feel like everyone else is getting drunk and if I didn't I'd be missing out. Either way, I can't just have a beer or two at a party. But if I'm not in a drinking situation, I am good to go without alcohol. I also realize I could be in denial and truly am an alcoholic. Whatever you call it, my drinking was a HUGE problem and I'm ready for it to be over. ... so I can fight the good fight against being on benzos.