SlasherFreak

Hey everyone.

I actually found this forum searching for hangover remedies *facepalm*

I wanna refrain from using my name. So, I am SlasherFreak (no, I don't cut myself, Im just fond of these type of horror films from the 80's).

Im 30 years old and in need of some help

I was born and raised in Philadelphia, and was a pothead since 14, and an alcoholic since about 19.

I actually have a great woman in my life, who i never fail to disappoint when I drink

About 4 years I moved to Atlanta with her and pot life was over. I don't know anyone down here to sell it to me. I always drank too, but I was more of a pothead. Well, I replaced the everyday pot habit with alcohol. It was bad at first, but after awhile it was made clear she wouldn't put up with that type of behavior. So my drinking has been reduced to my days off and when she's not around.

But everyday I think about drinking. ALL THE TIME. I find myself looking forward to when I can drink. Like yesterday, I had off and drank beer all day and made sure i cooked dinner for us before i passed out. I was able to hide it yesterday, because while I was drinking I was cleaning the house so i texted her before i passed out and said i was cleaning and cooking all day so im tired and taking a nap. I woke up about 8 pm and she was upstairs watching tv so i snuck out of the back door and went to the gas station and bought another case of beer and drank all night while she was asleep

But other days I can't hide it, and she knows, and the look of disappointment on her face when she knows ive been drinking all day is heartbreaking I pay my half of the bills, take her out one night, and the rest of my money goes to booze on the eve of and the days i have off I don't even have money to buy myself stuff i want or to suprise her with a gift of what she wants

Im off sunday and monday and i know i wont be able to drink sunday, but monday when she goes to work and im off, im just dreading it, and im still finding myself putting money aside to drink. I can't help it, all im thinking about is lining up some movies to watch on monday, thinking of what to cook for some food and drinking all day on monday, and enjoying myself but really ******* myself in the long run She's gonna know and its gonna be an argument again and i never learn my lesson, ill end up going back out when she goes to sleep and getting more beer, especially since i work at 4pm on tuesday.

Its getting crazy...i can easily put away 2 cases of beer in a day, or a liter of vodka and a few four lokos...not only is it sucking up my money, its disappointing the woman i wanna marry

I need help, does anyone have any suggestions?

There is AA in my area but Im not really religious and I think its a religious group.

I feel lost and alone

ricmcc

I am not religious, although I would descibe myself as being spiritual, and AA has certainly helped me. If it is not to your taste, there are quite a few strictly secular groups mentioned on this site which you might find helpful. I think that once you really decide to quit, joining some sort of support group will help you greatly--it was essential to me. Best of luck, Rick

Anna

Hi and Welcome!

It sounds like you're ready to make changes in your life. I hope you're going to stop drinking. There is lots of support here at SR. There are various methods for stopping drinking listed as follows:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html

bbthumper

Wow did this stir up some memories my friend. I spent an incredible amount of energy hiding my drinking from my wife. It becomes a full time job. And it always seemed that my alcoholism was at its worst when I was not drinking because all I did was think about drinking. I was restless, anxious, sad, angry, irritable etc when I wasnt drinking. Seemed that alcohol was my solution not my problem. Sobriety was the problem. I was no good at it.
I found AA and have recovered from alcoholism. I no longer disappoint my wife and loved ones on a daily basis. I am content with who I am and what I have. 4 and a half years with not a drop of booze or drugs and my life is beyond anything I could have planned for myself.
Contrary to what many believe, AA is not religious. Spiritual yes. Religious no. No one is told what they have to believe. There are all walks of life in AA including atheists and agnostics. What binds us is not only a common problem, but even more so a common solution. A way out and a new way of life. If you have a desire to stop drinking you are welcome to attend any meeting of AA.

Best wishes to you.

2granddaughters

It's not religious.. Besides, if it was, don't you think a little religion might help you right now? If God said He'd help you would you say "No, thanks" ??....

Don't close the door on AA without doing your homework. AA might just save your life. It did/does mine.

Call the local AA number in the phone book and go to some "open" meetings. They are open to the public and you won't be asked to do/say anything.
See if you identify with what you see/hear there.

All the best.

Bob R

Nikkipoo

Slasher, I hope you figure out a good plan to stay sober. Besides AA and other organizations and reading and posting on SR, you may want to schedule an appt. with your doctor so that you are under someone's care as you detox.

MythOfSisyphus

Welcome to SR and congrats on realizing you have to make a change. I won't pretend that quitting will be easy but I can guarantee that it will be worth it. Think of the good things in your life and how they're negatively impacted by being drunk in lieu of having quality time. Then make a list of all the positive things you get out of being drunk during your free time.

AVRT was a big help to me, Google it if you're interested (not allowed to link it here). We each have to find our own road to sobriety, and I applaud you for seeking out yours.

DarlaD

You just like many of us felt like AA or NA is not for them. Someone once told me at a meeting that this works!!! They said why are you special? It's worked for millions but not you? yeah so I went kicking and screaming I now I cant wait to go!!! Ive been clean for 46 days now and been to 43 meetings in the past 30 days!!! Oh "It works if YOU work it". I have been to 1 meeting already to day and I am going to 2 more today. Not only a new way of thinging, and keeps me clean but It's now fun!!! ~DarlaD

Spirit08

AA is not religious. It is not about God. It is of God. Get to a meeting, it will help you achieve victory over alcohol. Raise your hand and say that you are new.

Dee74

welcome Slasher and you too Darla D

You'll both find a ton of support here

D

SlasherFreak

I feel so sad that everyone replied to this message, i read the responses, and i still drank today

I feel disgusted with myself...as i have for a long time when i drink nowadays. It isnt like when I was a teen and it would be fun. Its strange, when i used to drink every day I yearned for the time when I would be able to only drink on certain days, and now that Im here, I don't feel any less of an alcoholic. She knows I drank today, and it isn't an argument, she's done arguing. She just gets disappointed now and it shows in her facial expression

I've definitely read the responses, and Im Agnostic, but definitely spiritual, and I think Im gonna try the AA....it's next saturday at 8 and 11 pm...they call it saturday night live...and my girls christmas party is that day at 5 and i can go afterwards, but im scared again because its gonna be free unlimited alcohol

its like everytime i try to stop there is a roadblock i got better from drinking everyday, but days like today make it so hard. i tried to hide my drinking today from her, but she isnt stupid, and now im stuck on the couch with beer left and i cant bring myself to pour it out

i really hate myself right now...Im a good guy, I dont mean to do this, but I just cant help myself

Dee74

If you're going to go to AA why not find a meeting before Saturday, Slasher?

The rest of your life is waiting man - why put that off?

D

newhope01

Its not surprising that you relapsed and trust me I would know as I do it all the time! But, I do want to say that I see a lot of similarities of myself in you and I do believe you are a good guy. Alcohol is just making your life difficult right now. I believe the people on this forum are right in attending AA and I plan on going to one tomorrow before work. I hope you do too.

SlasherFreak

Well....i looked online and saw meetings in my area but i have to work at those times, the only time i can do is on saturday, which is strangely the day of the womans christmas party which is unlimited alcohol

and thats why i mentioned roadblocks It feels like everytime i wanna make a change theres something always tempting me...and im just not strong enough to resist right now

The good thing is over the weekend I talked with her about AA after reading the responses here and she is 100% behind me...the messed up thing is after our great weekend she wasn't expecting me to get drunk today. After our talk this weekend she was dumbfounded today, but im just glad she doesnt give up on me

But this couch sucks

Dee74

OK...then try what I did - use the support you'll find here 24/7

If you don't want to drink again, you don't have to - if you're prepared to make the necessary changes in your life, and put up with a little unfamiliar discomfort for a while.

You won't be alone here.

D

SlasherFreak

I poured my beer left out in the sink! It felt good and hurt at the same time...I hope this can be a new start for me

Dee74

Thats a good start SF

D

MythOfSisyphus

Don't worry about letting us down! I can tell you that all of us have been where you are now. It's hard, we know it's hard. Don't feel like a failure. You're battling a very powerful foe, and the fight isn't easily won.

I am an atheist. But if I thought AA would help me I wouldn't hesitate to try it. So far AVRT has been sufficient for me but I will take any action I need to take to stay sober.

You don't fail when you stumble, you fail when you don't get up. Acknowledge that you're human and try again!

SlasherFreak

But I feel bad because I read all the responses to my OP from when i posted until this morning, and i ignored them and got drunk all day

and i didnt like it at all I don't enjoy it all anymore...so I don't know why i do it anymore, and i feel so lost when i do it

Startingover444

Thats how I felt when I quit. Absolutely and totally lost
Hang on to that feeling because it will help you realise where you dont want to be.
Read and post here, it helps