Synfull Vyxun

Well it has been four days since I got home from my dads, mother has still been drinking excessively, talking about me, my father and my stepfather to random customers in the pub, leaving the gate open so the dog gets out n run over, not feeding the animals, blaming me for everything still.
She went out to the movies with her new fella yesterday, came home about 1am, at 4.30am I went to the toilet, she was still wide awake, sounded sober asking if I knew where her tv remote was as she couldn't change the channel.
She still hasn't realised that when she drinks she sleeps, well passes out, when she is sober she can't sleep.
As for asking me where her remote is?!?!? WTF?!?!?!? I don't even know where my own remotes are half the time, but you look and you find them, it's not rocket science!!!!
She lives in her bedroom so it can't be anywhere else, it will be hiding along with her phone she lost when drunk and her nail scissors she keeps asking me about!!!
I love the way I get blamed for everything, she can't see it is her and her stupid drunken head!!!!
Cant wait to get out of here, hopefully, monday I should have my money, fingers, toes, legs and eyes will be crossed for the weekend, then I can get outta here.
I have written mother a letter explaining my thoughts and that I am leaving her, I have also printed one off and a letter to explain to my stepdad, that I now see it was not his fault as mother portayed it, and I am very sorry for not being the stepkid he wanted or deserved.
I know I'm not perfect, but we all make mistakes when learning, otherwise how would we learn, I won't promise I won't do something stupid and make more mistakes in my future, I hope I do, and I hope I learn from them too, as I don't want to be like mother, and make my future kids lives hell.
Life is for learning, living and enjoying.

Mracoa

/hug

FatallyUncool

This sounds awful. Sorry you're going through it. I like your attitude, though, and that your wrote those letters and are getting out of the situation.

Synfull Vyxun

Well it gets better, my dad just rang, apparently at the start of the week, mother text dad and said the customers are worried about my state of mind!!! I have been at my dads all last weekend, got back home monday, haven't talked to any customers as I am still sick and not drinking or going down into the pub, plus mother has been telling everyone I have mental issues, so I don't want to see any of them. They will give me that look of pity, and it is not me who is the problem here!!!
Dad said I should tell mother I am seeing a counselor, I said I do not want to tell her as she will ask me all sorts of questions and bug me about it. I said he could tell her, but to tell her I don't wanna talk about it with her!!!
I have cleared one room and my walk in wardrobe, got lots of donations for the charity shops, so my conscience can be a little better. I am helping others and myself, as I cannot help my mother, others will benefit.
So all is going as planned, dad bought me a wii for christmas and it should be here in the next couple of days, I have no idea what they are so should keep me occupied for awhile, and stop me stressing about the mother. I still have mini anxiety attacks when I think about just how I am going to leave, what I am going to say, do, who I should tell and not tell, if I should have a going away party or not, or just a secret gathering with close friends who won't tell mother, but then these days it's so hard to know who to trust, as I live in a pub, most of my friends are customers and when they are drunk things slip out of their mouths, So I think I am just gonna run and then apologise to them after, most of them are always welcome for a holiday, so we will find out who the true friends are and who just wanted to be friends with me because I live in a pub.
I learnt my lesson in the first pub we lived in, people have their own agenda's in life. Mother learnt this last time too, but has forgotten as cider has smothered her brain.
I am prepared to start afresh, get rid of the people who drag me down, and live my happy life I deserve.
Just can't wait to get out of here, 2 more days till I get the money hopefully, I just want to sleep and wake up on monday morning. I still have butterflies in my tummy, I am so nervous, but know this is what I need to do for myself, bugga the rest of the world. Except of course you guys. If I never found this site, I don't even want to think about it actually.
Roll on Monday!!!! ;-)

Kialua

^This!

I will be praying for you.

Synfull Vyxun

Yes after thinking long and hard, I think I am just gonna go, I don't want a pity party, or all the questions that go with leaving.
If I am going to do this, I must think about myself and my own sanity before she does send me mental. Anyone who doesn't understand this can bugga off, I say!!!!
After adding them on facebook when I leave and then they can really read all about how life is here, and we will see how they feel, but I know most aren't worth worrying over.
I think I know who will be ok and who will try to cause trouble.

tromboneliness

This sounds much better than having any kind of going-away thing. There is no way you could stage-manage it to avoid drama, and it could be a disaster! Getting out of town quietly avoids all the nonsense. As for what people think, I say f890 'em -- they can think what they want; who cares?

I've basically no-contacted most of my entire extended family -- not through any formal "no contact" policy; I just don't call them, and stay fairly noncommittal if they call me, which they rarely do. I'm not happy with several of my cousins, because of their constant meddling and advice-giving during my parents' decline and death, 2007-2010. When my Dad was being impossible, during the period between my Mom's death and his own, my cousins took his side for the most part -- they were his enablers. So, they're not exactly high on my list of favorite people at this point. That doesn't mean I announce, "You were my father's chief enablers, so eff you!" or anything of the sort. I just maintain some distance. I don't see that changing, except with a couple of them, who have always been friends.

So -- again at the risk of giving advice -- your plan sounds good. Just slip out of town, take care of yourself, and don't bother trying to put the right "spin" on it. Those people have no right to rent space in your head!

T