Xmas parties UGH!
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 490
Xmas parties UGH!
I'm sitting here today knowing that XAH is attending his work Xmas function tonight. He told the kids he won't be able to phone them tonight because he would be at a party (he really meant he would be shi*tfaced drunk - I know the sub-text 
).
Last time he had a real job and a real work Xmas party was shortly after he nearly killed us all by drunk cooking and setting the kitchen and family room on fire. At THAT work Xmas party he came home, drunk of course, boasting about how he refused to wear a costume but managed, throughout the entire drunken afternoon and evening at the party, to make himself a costume by "attaching" stuff to himself. Stuff like: cigarette butts, empty cans of pre-mixed alcohol, condom wrappers he found on the floor of the party...you know just like any normal person would do.
He was sacked a month or so later...funny that...
So tonight, I just know he will do something drunken and stupid in front of his colleagues. It's not my problem any longer. I know this. Yet I have this awful feeling of deja vu. If the cops try to bring him here tonight the security door will remain LOCKED.
I'm also not looking forward to a couple of parties the kids and I have been invited to. The people hosting the parties are lovely. They are not drunks. They have lovely homes and are professional people. BUT my kids have been told by me that we will not be staying late and they will not be sleeping over with the other kids & adults who have been invited for the weekend. My kids were disappointed. I told the kids the truth, my truth, that at Xmas, some adults tend to drink too much and stay up too late and get too silly and it makes me very uncomfortable. I think they understand.
I'm too afraid of someone else's secret drunken husband/wife/partner/SO etc. to even consider hanging out with the friends of my friends in case one of them turns out to be like XAH: I used to have to drive him home from everything or find him passed out somewhere and pour him into the car or a taxi. Now I'm afraid of a drunk I haven't yet met or even know of!
Are they everywhere? LOL!
).Last time he had a real job and a real work Xmas party was shortly after he nearly killed us all by drunk cooking and setting the kitchen and family room on fire. At THAT work Xmas party he came home, drunk of course, boasting about how he refused to wear a costume but managed, throughout the entire drunken afternoon and evening at the party, to make himself a costume by "attaching" stuff to himself. Stuff like: cigarette butts, empty cans of pre-mixed alcohol, condom wrappers he found on the floor of the party...you know just like any normal person would do.
He was sacked a month or so later...funny that...
So tonight, I just know he will do something drunken and stupid in front of his colleagues. It's not my problem any longer. I know this. Yet I have this awful feeling of deja vu. If the cops try to bring him here tonight the security door will remain LOCKED.
I'm also not looking forward to a couple of parties the kids and I have been invited to. The people hosting the parties are lovely. They are not drunks. They have lovely homes and are professional people. BUT my kids have been told by me that we will not be staying late and they will not be sleeping over with the other kids & adults who have been invited for the weekend. My kids were disappointed. I told the kids the truth, my truth, that at Xmas, some adults tend to drink too much and stay up too late and get too silly and it makes me very uncomfortable. I think they understand.
I'm too afraid of someone else's secret drunken husband/wife/partner/SO etc. to even consider hanging out with the friends of my friends in case one of them turns out to be like XAH: I used to have to drive him home from everything or find him passed out somewhere and pour him into the car or a taxi. Now I'm afraid of a drunk I haven't yet met or even know of!
Are they everywhere? LOL!
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: ireland
Posts: 43
Hi Lulu,
I am the child of an alcoholic father and a recovering heroin addict, for my entire childhood my father drank himself into oblivion on a regular basis , by regular i mean pretty much every night I never remember enjoying family occasions or parties because I was always dreading when dad would do something ridiculous and embarrassing, my mother wouldn't leave him and looking back now I understand she was just trying to keep our family together but at the time I hated her for not being stronger and I hated him even more, thankfully dad is now sober 3 years after 40 years and our relationship is good.
I don't know how or when you will stop being afraid of other drunks etc but pls know that your children will benefit tremendously from being away from an alcoholic father who is in active addiction. I hope your x finds the strength to recover.
RI24
I am the child of an alcoholic father and a recovering heroin addict, for my entire childhood my father drank himself into oblivion on a regular basis , by regular i mean pretty much every night I never remember enjoying family occasions or parties because I was always dreading when dad would do something ridiculous and embarrassing, my mother wouldn't leave him and looking back now I understand she was just trying to keep our family together but at the time I hated her for not being stronger and I hated him even more, thankfully dad is now sober 3 years after 40 years and our relationship is good.
I don't know how or when you will stop being afraid of other drunks etc but pls know that your children will benefit tremendously from being away from an alcoholic father who is in active addiction. I hope your x finds the strength to recover.
RI24
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 13
I know this is not my place,and I understand your concerns, but it seems to me that if you attend these parties and leave rather earlier than others, you and your children may miss out on some enjoyable times.
Do you know from previous experience that these people are likely to "drink too much and stay up too late and get too silly "? or are you nipping it the bud? Is there anyway to leave it up in the air, so that if things get out of hand, you can leave, otherwise you can stay.
I hate to see a stay cut short, due to a what if, but as a parent I also understand that it is priority 1 to not expose them to any unnecessary situations. I just know that especially during the holidays it is so important to find comfort and companionship whenever possible.
As an aside, one must also consider that staying over is often quite preferable to putting oneself at the mercy of those who were not wise enough to do so.
Do you know from previous experience that these people are likely to "drink too much and stay up too late and get too silly "? or are you nipping it the bud? Is there anyway to leave it up in the air, so that if things get out of hand, you can leave, otherwise you can stay.
I hate to see a stay cut short, due to a what if, but as a parent I also understand that it is priority 1 to not expose them to any unnecessary situations. I just know that especially during the holidays it is so important to find comfort and companionship whenever possible.
As an aside, one must also consider that staying over is often quite preferable to putting oneself at the mercy of those who were not wise enough to do so.
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 490
Originally Posted by Trying2forgive 
I know this is not my place,and I understand your concerns, but it seems to me that if you attend these parties and leave rather earlier than others, you and your children may miss out on some enjoyable times.
Originally Posted by Trying2forgive
Do you know from previous experience that these people are likely to "drink too much and stay up too late and get too silly "? or are you nipping it the bud? Is there anyway to leave it up in the air, so that if things get out of hand, you can leave, otherwise you can stay.
We'll be taking a cab to the party and taking a cab home. My girlfriend wants to serve champagne and I'd like to share it with her. It will be very weird being able to do so while not worrying about the whiskey, bourbon, wineinabox etc. XAH would be almost mainlining if he were invited - he once took alcohol to a non alcoholic holiday party! I'm not kidding. The people who invited us were Bahai. I told him no way, but he smuggled it in anyway! It's going to be weirder still coming home with the kids and no XAH. In the past, after parties, I would pour him home and then he would continue all by himself all night and well into the next day.
Shudder.
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,013
Originally Posted by Lulu39
I'm sitting here today knowing that XAH is attending his work Xmas function tonight. He told the kids he won't be able to phone them tonight because he would be at a party (he really meant he would be shi*tfaced drunk - I know the sub-text ).
Last time he had a real job and a real work Xmas party was shortly after he nearly killed us all by drunk cooking and setting the kitchen and family room on fire. At THAT work Xmas party he came home, drunk of course, boasting about how he refused to wear a costume but managed, throughout the entire drunken afternoon and evening at the party, to make himself a costume by "attaching" stuff to himself. Stuff like: cigarette butts, empty cans of pre-mixed alcohol, condom wrappers he found on the floor of the party...you know just like any normal person would do.
He was sacked a month or so later...funny that...
So tonight, I just know he will do something drunken and stupid in front of his colleagues. It's not my problem any longer. I know this. Yet I have this awful feeling of deja vu. If the cops try to bring him here tonight the security door will remain LOCKED.
I'm also not looking forward to a couple of parties the kids and I have been invited to. The people hosting the parties are lovely. They are not drunks. They have lovely homes and are professional people. BUT my kids have been told by me that we will not be staying late and they will not be sleeping over with the other kids & adults who have been invited for the weekend. My kids were disappointed. I told the kids the truth, my truth, that at Xmas, some adults tend to drink too much and stay up too late and get too silly and it makes me very uncomfortable. I think they understand.
I'm too afraid of someone else's secret drunken husband/wife/partner/SO etc. to even consider hanging out with the friends of my friends in case one of them turns out to be like XAH: I used to have to drive him home from everything or find him passed out somewhere and pour him into the car or a taxi. Now I'm afraid of a drunk I haven't yet met or even know of!
Are they everywhere? LOL!
).Last time he had a real job and a real work Xmas party was shortly after he nearly killed us all by drunk cooking and setting the kitchen and family room on fire. At THAT work Xmas party he came home, drunk of course, boasting about how he refused to wear a costume but managed, throughout the entire drunken afternoon and evening at the party, to make himself a costume by "attaching" stuff to himself. Stuff like: cigarette butts, empty cans of pre-mixed alcohol, condom wrappers he found on the floor of the party...you know just like any normal person would do.
He was sacked a month or so later...funny that...
So tonight, I just know he will do something drunken and stupid in front of his colleagues. It's not my problem any longer. I know this. Yet I have this awful feeling of deja vu. If the cops try to bring him here tonight the security door will remain LOCKED.
I'm also not looking forward to a couple of parties the kids and I have been invited to. The people hosting the parties are lovely. They are not drunks. They have lovely homes and are professional people. BUT my kids have been told by me that we will not be staying late and they will not be sleeping over with the other kids & adults who have been invited for the weekend. My kids were disappointed. I told the kids the truth, my truth, that at Xmas, some adults tend to drink too much and stay up too late and get too silly and it makes me very uncomfortable. I think they understand.
I'm too afraid of someone else's secret drunken husband/wife/partner/SO etc. to even consider hanging out with the friends of my friends in case one of them turns out to be like XAH: I used to have to drive him home from everything or find him passed out somewhere and pour him into the car or a taxi. Now I'm afraid of a drunk I haven't yet met or even know of!
Are they everywhere? LOL!
I completely agree about your kids not staying late or spending the night at a party where maybe alcoholics could be at....isnt that something though? that because of our knowledge and experiences make us perhapse mroe aware and justified but paraniod non less to everyone else around?
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,452
I don't this is paranoia on your part. It is choice.
You and your children have lived in a nightmare of alcoholism that was inflicted upon you by your AH. You didn't choose that.
You left it. And for good reason.
If you want to go to the part of the party that is fun and celebratory, and have a great plan for how to get there and get home safely and still have a glass of champagne, more power to you.
You've set a very clear boundary around what is acceptable to you, and I think that is healthy.
As for your kids maybe missing out on something else, well just plan a fun family thing for when you get home - maybe start a new tradition. This will convey the message to your kids that not being able to stay longer at a party with a lot of alcohol is not a loss; there is something else bigger and better and more loving waiting for them at home with you.
ShootingStar1
You and your children have lived in a nightmare of alcoholism that was inflicted upon you by your AH. You didn't choose that.
You left it. And for good reason.
If you want to go to the part of the party that is fun and celebratory, and have a great plan for how to get there and get home safely and still have a glass of champagne, more power to you.
You've set a very clear boundary around what is acceptable to you, and I think that is healthy.
As for your kids maybe missing out on something else, well just plan a fun family thing for when you get home - maybe start a new tradition. This will convey the message to your kids that not being able to stay longer at a party with a lot of alcohol is not a loss; there is something else bigger and better and more loving waiting for them at home with you.
ShootingStar1
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